The Lion King 1 1/2

Rafiki:
Look beyond what you see.

Timon:
Beyond what I see eh?

Timon:
This is the start of a beautiful acquaintanceship.

Timon:
We can't let them feel the love tonight.

Pumbaa:
Good night.

Timon:
Sleep tight.

Pumbaa:
Dream about bedbugs tonight.

Uncle Max:
Scurry, sniff... flinch! Scurry, sniff... flinch! Scurry, sniff... flinch! Good. Now what do we do if we see a hyena?

Timon:
Scream "Mommy"?

Uncle Max:
That's right mister!

Timon:
I see carnivores.

Simba:
Simba:This is great. Three friends, together, what more could you want?

Pumbaa:
Pumbaa:

Pumbaa:
Ah, I'm pushed.

Pumbaa:
I think I'll turn in for the night.

Timon:
Timon:I'm out!

Simba:
Simba: Right behind ya!

Ma:
Everything the light touches... belongs to someone else.

Uncle Max:
...and what a day it's been. No fractures, no lacerations, concussions, contusions of any sort. As a matter of fact there's no sign of Timon's handy-work anywhere!

Uncle Max:
Meerkat! It's what's for dinner!

Banzai:
And I thought beans were the only musical food!

Timon:
I uh, I guess I owe everyone an apology. All right so I made a teensy mistake, like we all haven't broken into song on sentry duty before uh-haha come on, let me have a show of hands! Ooook.

Timon:
And so with my spirits high I boldy ventured off where no meerkat had dared to go before. I put my past behind me Ha! and never looked back.

Timon:
Mommy, Mommy! What am I doing? Which way should I go?

Timon:
How convenient. Enter omniscient monkey, right on cue.

Pumbaa:
Well, you know what they say: "When the student is ready, the teacher appears."

Timon:
That's it. No more fortune-cookies for you!

Timon:
Let's go Pumbaa. I think the storm's coming to a head.

Timon:
Get a load of the monkey getting all Existential on me.

Timon:
Just eat me now and please make it fast, I have a low threshold for pain.

Timon:
It was a wonderful phrase. It has some rhythm. Laduda Ladada. No, that wasn't it.

Uncle Max:
I flinched, when I should have scurried.

Mom:
You know, there's something different about Timon.

Uncle Max:
You think? HE'S WEARING A DRESS!

Timon:
But when they die, they become the grass. And we eat the grass, right?

Uncle Max:
Not exactly. We can't digest grass. We're grass intolerant.

Uncle Max:
Feared by no one and eaten by all!

Timon:
It's as if you have some special power.

Pumbaa:
Uh, special power? well, it's pretty powerful.

Timon:
So, that's your special power?

Pumbaa:
You mean, you don't mind?

Timon:
Are you kidding? It was a gas!

Pumbaa:
After a long day of doing nothing, it's good to kick back.

Uncle Max:
Now what do we do if we see a hyena?

Timon:
Scream, "MOMMY!"

Pumbaa:
Shall we run for our lives?

Timon:
Oh yes, let's.

Pumbaa:

Timon:
Friends stick together to the end.

Pumbaa:
They say first impressions are very important.

Timon:
Oh, I thought you were a "scream".

Timon:
I'm Timon.

Pumbaa:
Pumbaa.

Timon:
No, really.

Timon:
Well, that worked like a dream.

Pumbaa:
It did?

Timon:
Sarcasm is a foreign language to you, isn't it?

Timon:
Ahh... I love the smell of Pumbaa in the morning.

Rafiki:
Any story worth telling is worth telling twice.

Timon:
What this place lacks in water and shade, it makes up for with searing heat and blinding sunshine. Home, sweet home, Pumbaa!

Shenzi:
For your last meal, you're gonna eat those words.

Mom:
I gotta hand it to you, Timon. This place has EVERYTHING.

Timon:
Well, now that we're all here, it does.

Uncle Max:
Appluad now sonny boy, but try clapping when you don't have any hands.

Pumbaa:
Timon, look!

Timon:
Hey-ey-ey, it's the monkey!

Pumbaa:
What's that he's holding up?

Timon:
Aw, who cares? It's not important.

Rafiki:
You seek Hakuna Matata.

Timon:
Harpoon a tomato?

Rafiki:
Hakuna Matata. It means "no worries".

Timon:
Perfect! Mind taking that stick of yours and drawing me a map, bub?

Pumbaa:
(twice during the film) Uh...I don't do so well in crowds.

Rafiki:
Look beyond what you see.

Timon:
This could be the start of a beautiful...acquaintanceship.

Timon:
(about Simba) He's gone? Whaddaya mean he's gone?!

Nala:
It's just like the baboon said. The king has returned. [Timon and Pumbaa stare at her blankly] (sighs) You guys want me to go over it again?

Timon:
Yes please, but be a dear and skip to the part about Simba. Not that your childhood wasn't fascinating!

Nala:
Okay. Look, Simba's the rightful king, but after he disappeared, Scar proclaimed himself the king and formed an alliance with the hyenas...

Pumbaa:
(thinks) Poor Simba. The treachery, the villainy, the sure indescribable horror!

Timon:
(thinks) Blah blah blah. Why is she toying with us? This crazy chick is gonna eat us!

Nala:
(continues to explain) ...So Simba has to go back to challenge his uncle and reclaim his place as king! [Silence; Nala doesn't get a reaction from Timon or Pumbaa] [frustrated] Ohh...don't you get it?! Simba needs us! Now! [runs off into the jungle]

[The scene repeatedly goes back and forth between a night scene where Simba wakes up Timon and a day scene where Timon is harmed during one of Simba's antics.]

Simba:
Timon, Timon! TIMON! (Timon grunts) I gotta go!

Timon:
(Voice very faint) Go? Go where?

Simba:
You know: Go! Bad!

Timon:
[gets the idea] Oh, you mean go! Then why didn't you say so! Come on, let's go!

(On the log bridge)

Timon:
Listen, kid, you gotta go, you gotta go!

(On a very high tree, "Jungle Boogie" plays)

Timon:
Young lion, get down from there!

Simba:
Yahoo! All right! Hey, you guys look like ants down there!

Timon:
I'm counting to three!

(Simba jumps onto a weak branch, it breaks)

Pumbaa:
Uh oh!

(Simba continues to fall)

Timon:
One! Two!

(Pumbaa jumps onto Timon, making a pillow for Simba to land on)

Timon:
(Gasping for air) Threeeeee.

("The Lion Sleeps Tonight" starts again)

Simba:
Timon?

Timon:
Wha? Again?!

Simba:
No, I'm thirsty.

(Back on the log bridge)

Timon:
You know, kid, this means you'll be up again about 2 hours from now.

(Location:
A river leading to an 500 ft waterfall. "Jungle Boogie" plays while Simba swims peacefully. A floating camera captures Timon swimming vigurously.)

Timon:
Hang on, Simba! I'll save ya!

(Simba goes off the waterfall; Pumbaa catches him.)

Timon:
(falls) YYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

("The Lion Sleeps Tonight" Plays Yet Again)

Simba:
Timon? (frowns)

(Back to the log bridge)

Timon:
(extremely tired) You know, I'm gonna get old walking over this thing.

(Simba Pounces Timon in the Air, "Jungle Boogie" plays for a final time.)

Timon:
YYAAAAAAAAAAAYAYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAYAYYYYYYYAAAY!

("The Lion Sleeps Tonight" plays for a final time)

Simba:
Timon?

(Music finally stops. Timon grabs his ears in stress.)

Timon:
(Angry with bloodshot eyes) WHAT HAVE YOU GOT AGAINST THE CONCEPT OF A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP, HUH?!

Simba:
I had a bad dream.

[Timon causes a cave-in while digging a hole.]

Max:
That would be... TIMON!

Rafiki:
Look beyond what you see.

[Rafiki appears before Timon from a tree]

Timon:
You! No, no, don't say a word. I know what you're going to say. [Imitates Rafiki] Did you find Hakuna Matata? [Normal] Well, yes, I did! Thank you very much. [Laughs] And I am happy. Happy, happy, deliriously happy. [Imitates] Ho ha ha! I see. Happy, is it? So, if you're so happy, why do you look so miserable? [Normal] Miserable, you say? Why should I be miserable? Oh, I don't know. Maybe my two best pals in the world deserted me. Heh. They - they've headed off on some heroic mission... . My friends... . are gone. [Realizes] And... . my Hakuna Matata went with them!

Rafiki:
[smiles and nods]

Timon:
[points to his head] Would you mind? [bows his head down]

Rafiki:
[lightly hits him on the head with his stick]

Timon:
Ay. Thanks. I'm glad we had this talk. [clicks his tongue at Rafiki and runs off screen]

Rafiki:
[to the audience] My work here is done.

Pumbaa:
What exactly did he say?

Timon:
[mimicking Rafikki] Look beyond what you see.

Timon:
This is the start of a beautiful acquaintanceship.

Timon:
We can't let them feel the love tonight.

Pumbaa:
Good night.

Timon:
Sleep tight.

Pumbaa:
Dream of bedbugs tonight.

Timon:
[singing along to opening of "The Lion King"] What's on the menu? It could be ceviche. Stinky-oo. It's Pumbaa.

Pumbaa:
I gotta tell you, Timon. That song always gets me right here.

Timon:
Yeah, Pumbaa? Well, enough of that.

[fast-forwards film with his remote]

Pumbaa:
Uhh, Timon, what are you doin'?

Timon:
I'm fast-forwarding to the part where we come in.

Pumbaa:
But you can't go out of order!

Timon:
Au contraire, my porcine pal. I've got the remote!

Pumbaa:
But everyone's gonna get confused!

[picks up his own remote and rewinds film]

Pumbaa:
We gotta go back to the beginning of the story.

Timon:
[fast-forwarding] We're not *in* the beginning of the story!

Pumbaa:
[rewinding] Yes, we were! The whole time.

Timon:
[fast-forwarding] Ah! Yeah, but *they* don't know that.

Pumbaa:
[rewinding] Then why don't we tell them *our* story?

[Film stops during the hyena attack; Timon and Pumbaa are spooked]

Timon:
Hey! I've got an idea. Why don't we tell 'em *our* story?

Pumbaa:
Oh! I like the sound of that.

Timon:
A little backstage tour. Take 'em behind the scenes for a revealing and intimate look at the story within the story!

Pumbaa:
'Cause what *they* don't know is how we really *were* there, even though they didn't *know* we were there, y'know?

Timon:
Couldn't have said it better myself!

[Clicks his remote; film starts to rewind]

Pumbaa:
So, does this mean we're going back to the beginning?

[Clicks the remote; film plays the opening "Circle of Life" chant, but continues to rewind]

Timon:
Oh, no, Pumbaa. No. We're going way back to *before* the beginning.

Uncle Max:
Scurry, sniff... . flinch! Scurry, sniff... . flinch!

Timon:
I see carnivores.

Timon:
[about his species] We're so low on the food chain we're underground!

[Pumbaa, Timon, and Simba are all in a bubbling water hole]

Simba:
Three pals and no worries, what more could you want?

[all sigh relaxingly]

Pumbaa:
[yawns] Ah, I'm bushed.

[while getting out of water hole]

Pumbaa:
I think I'll turn in for the night.

[bubbles stop]

Timon:
I'm out!

Simba:
Right behind ya!

Mom:
Everything the light touches... . belongs to someone else.

Mom:
Everything the light touches... . belongs to someone else!

Timon:
Funny, I thought you were going in a whole different direction.

Timon:
[about a familiar log under the moon] I'm going to get old walking across this thing.

Mom:
Uncle Max, have you seen Timon?

Uncle Max:
No, I haven't... . and what a day it's been. No fractures, no lacerations, concussions, contusions of any sort. As a matter of fact there's no sign of Timon's handy-work anywhere!

Uncle Max:
Meerkat! It's what's for dinner!

Uncle Max:
Timon the sentry? Why don't you save the hyenas the trouble and kill me now? JUST KILL ME NOW!

Timon:
[to Mom] He has a point.

Mom:
All you have to do is watch for hyenas and yell if you see one. Look at Iron Joe.

Iron Joe:
[camera pans over to Iron Joe] DON'T CLOSE YOUR EYES! DON'T LOOK AWAY! SOMEBODY'S GONNA GUARD US! SOMEBODY'S GONNA PROTECT US! [sobs uncontrollably]

Timon:
[camera pans over to Timon] Well, now I'm convinced... .

Shenzi:
[Timon is singing] Oh, look, it's dinner and a show!

Banzai:
And I thought beans were the only musical food!

Timon:
I uh, I guess I owe everyone an apology. All right so I made a teensy mistake, like we all haven't broken into song on sentry duty before uh-haha come on, let me have a show of hands! Ooook.

Timon:
And so with my spirits high I boldy ventured off where no meerkat had dared to go before. I put my past behind me Ha! and never looked back. [sobs hysterically] Mommy, Mommy! What am I doing? Which way should I go?

Timon:
How convenient. Enter omniscient monkey, right on cue.

Pumbaa:
Well, you know what they say: "When the student is ready, the teacher appears."

Timon:
That's it. No more fortune-cookies for you!

Timon:
Let's go Pumbaa. I think the storm's coming to a head. [in the background the clouds are shaping to form Mufasa's head]

Timon:
Get a load of the monkey getting all Existential on me.

Timon:
Just eat me now and please make it fast, I have a low threshold for pain.

Timon:
It was a wonderful phrase. It has some rhythm. Laduda Ladada. No, that wasn't it.

[Timon and Pumbaa have found their dream home; Timon is talking to himself, Pumbaa is making a celebration supper]

Timon:
The monkey was right! We found it! The perfect life!

Pumbaa:
I'll just whip up a little something.

Timon:
He had the perfect name for it, too.

Pumbaa:
Come and get it!

Timon:
[sits at a rock] Such a wonderful phrase. It had this rhythm. Laduda Ladada.

Pumbaa:
Try this - hot tuna frittata.

Timon:
Hmm. No, that's not it.

Pumbaa:
The spinach armada.

Timon:
Quiet, Pumbaa. I'm trying to think.

Pumbaa:
A spoon of ricotta.

Timon:
Two words.

Pumbaa:
A wormy piccata.

Timon:
Six syllables.

Pumbaa:
Kahuna colada.

Timon:
Twelve letters.

Pumbaa:
A blue enchilada.

Timon:
Rhymes with... .

Pumbaa:
Legumes on a platter.

Timon:
Think, think, think.

Pumbaa:
[poking a dish] This oughta be hotta.

Timon:
I forget.

Pumbaa:
I gotta lambada!

[dances right into Timon]

Timon:
HEY! How can you dance at a time like this? I'm DYIN' here!... . Ooh, sorry about that, pal.

Pumbaa:
Hakuna Matata.

Timon:
....Come again?

Pumbaa:
Hakuna Matata - It means "no worries". Ah-ohhhh... .

Uncle Max:
I flinched, when I should have scurried.

Mom:
Something's different about Timon.

Uncle Max:
You think?

Uncle Max:
[shouting] He's wearing a dress!

Uncle Max:
We're food for other animals! A moveable feast, feared by no-one and eaten by all!

Timon:
But when they die, they become the grass, and we eat the grass, right?

Uncle Max:
Not exactly. We can't digest grass. We're grass intolerant.

Timon:
It's as if you have some special power.

Pumbaa:
Uh, special power? well, it's pretty powerful.

Timon:
So, that's your special power?

Pumbaa:
You mean, you don't mind?

Timon:
Are you kidding? It was a gas!

[starts laughing]

Pumbaa:
Well, I don't like to toot my own horn.

Timon:
Yeah, that's probably for the best.

Pumbaa:
After a long day of doing nothing, it's good to kick back.

Uncle Max:
Now what do we do if we see a hyena?

Timon:
Scream, "MOMMY!"

Timon:
Waaait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on a second.

Pumbaa:
Uh, Timon? What are you doin'?

Timon:
Shenzi Marie Predatora Veldetta Jacquelina Hyena... . would you do me the honor of becoming... . my bride?

Shenzi:
I don't think so!

Timon:
Shenzi Marie, please. I know what you're thinking: "We're too different." "It'll never work." "What will the children look like?"

Shenzi:
Ooh, that violates so many laws of nature.

Timon:
Listen to me! The problems of a couple of wacky kids like us don't amount to hill of termites in this nutty circle-of-life thing. And so I ask you: If not now, when? If not me, who? I'm lonely.

Pumbaa:
Can I be your best man?

Banzai:
I say we skip the wedding, and go straight to the buffet!

[during the hyena chase, the channel suddenly changes to a shopping channel]

Timon:
What's going on here? Pumbaa, are you sitting on the remote?

Pumbaa:
Oh, sorry. I thought it was a brownie.

Timon:
It's coming to me. It's either that slug I ate, or I'm having an epiphany.

[Timon is awaken by Simba singing "I Just Can't Wait to Be King"]

Timon:
Oh, perfect! We moved into the theater district. Get a load of these guys. Knock it off!

Timon:
I am perfectly happy right here. It's remote, private, no unexpected visitors... .

[the shadows of hyenas march across the wall, as the intro to "Be Prepared" plays]

Timon:
Something tells me that ain't the traveling company of Riverdance.

Timon:
Hey Pumbaa, what do you call a hyena with half a brain?

Pumbaa:
[laughs] Beats me, Timon. What?

Timon:
GIFTED!

Pumbaa:
Shall we run for our lives?

Timon:
Oh yes, let's.

Pumbaa, Timon:
AHHHHHHHHHH!

Timon:
Friends stick together to the end.

Pumbaa:
[talking through a crowd of animals at Pride Rock] I don't do so well in crowds.

Pumbaa:
They say first impressions are very important.

Timon:
Oh, I thought you were a "scream".

Uncle Max:
That's right, Mister! Because the world out there is fraught, FRAUGHT I tell you! [shakes Timon]

Timon:
Oh, boy. It's the fraught fest.

Uncle Max:
They're gonna rip us limb from limb!

Timon:
[clapping] Bravo, Uncle Max! Way'ta sell it to the cheap seats!

Timon:
[singing] [from the movie] Luau! If you're hungry for a hunk of fat and juicy meet / Eat my buddy, Pumbaa, here 'cause he's a... .

[Timon pauses the movie]

Timon:
Let's just cut to the chase, shall we?

Pumbaa:
Oh, okay.

[Timon pushes next on the remote and it goes to the part where the hyenas chase Timon and Pumbaa]

Timon, Pumbaa:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Timon:
I'm Timon.

Pumbaa:
Pumbaa.

Timon:
No, really.

Timon:
Well, that worked like a dream.

Pumbaa:
It did?

Timon:
Sarcasm is a foreign language to you, isn't it?

Timon:
Ahh... . I love the smell of Pumbaa in the morning.

Rafiki:
Any story worth telling is worth telling twice.

Timon:
What this place lacks in water and shade, it makes up for with searing heat and blinding sunshine. Home, sweet home, Pumbaa!

Mom:
Max, Timon's out there chasing metaphors! I gotta go find him!

Uncle Max:
ARE YOU NUTS?

Mom:
[dryly, to Rafiki] Nice to have a supportive family, isn't it?

Shenzi:
For your last meal, you're gonna eat those words.

[Timon has brought his family to the oasis]

Mom:
I gotta hand it to you, Timon. This place has EVERYTHING.

Timon:
Well, now that we're all here, it does.

Timon:
[is being hugged by his mother] Ma... . choking... . not breathing... .

Uncle Max:
Appluad now sonny boy, but try clapping when you don't have any hands.

[At Simba's presentation ceremony]

Pumbaa:
Timon, look!

Timon:
Hey-ey-ey, it's the monkey!

Pumbaa:
What's that he's holding up?

Timon:
Aw, who cares? It's not important.

Rafiki:
You seek Hakuna Matata.

Timon:
Harpoon a tomato?

Rafiki:
Hakuna Matata. It means "no worries".

Timon:
Perfect! Mind taking that stick of yours and drawing me a map, bub? [Rafiki smacks him over the head with his stick]

Banzai:
Look at them scramble.

Shenzi:
That's just how I like them: scrambled, and a little runny.

Timon:
Who knows why fate led us to little Simba? [images of Simba scaring Timon run throughout the scene] Maybe it was my love of adventure, my innate courage, or my... . Okay! Who's in charge of the freeze-frames?

Pumbaa:
Sorry.

Timon:
Anywho... . Rescuing Simba was a cinch. Then came the real scary part: [dramatic music] Parenthood.

Timon:
[commenting on his home] Here we are... from Pride Rock, to the Pit of Shame.

Snow White:
[walking through the theatre] Excuse me.

Bashful:
Excuse me.

Doc:
Excuse me.

Sneezy:
Excuse me.

Happy, Additional Voices:
Excuse me.

Sleepy:
Excuse me.

Grumpy, Additional Voices:
Get out of the way!

Timon:
[about Simba] He's gone? Whaddaya MEAN he's gone?

Nala:
It's just like the baboon said. The king has returned. [Timon and Pumbaa stare at her blankly]

Nala:
[sighs] You guys want me to go over it again?

Timon:
Yes please, but be a dear and skip to the part about Simba. Not that your childhood wasn't fascinating!

Nala:
OK. Look, Simba's the rightful king, but after he disappeared, Scar proclaimed himself the king and formed an alliance with the hyenas...

Pumbaa:
[Thinks] Poor Simba. The treachery, the villainy, the SURE INDESCRIBABLE HORROR!

Timon:
[Thinks] Blah blah blah! WHY IS SHE TOYING WITH US? AAH! THIS CRAZY CHICK IS GONNA EAT US!

Nala:
[continues to explain]... So Simba has to go back to challenge his uncle and reclaim his place as king!

[Silence; Nala doesn't get a reaction from Timon or Pumbaa]

Nala:
[frustrated] Ohh... don't you get it? Simba NEEDS us! NOW! [runs off into the jungle]

Timon:
[terrified] Hy... hy... hy...

Shenzi:
Well "Hi" to you too!

Shenzi:
[smacks Timon, who goes rolling down a hill and bumps into Uncle Max]

Uncle Max:
This no time for horseplay Timon! You're suppose to be up there looking out for... [sees the hyenas approaching] HYENAS!

Ma:
Timon! Excuse me. Have you seen my son? Has he been through here? Timon!

Uncle Max:
Digga tunnah, dig, digga tunnah... digga tunnah, dig, dig—Aaaah! [Ma pokes him, scaring him out of his chant]

Ma:
Uncle Max?

Uncle Max:
[spooked] Aaahh!

Ma:
Uncle Max, relax. Have you seen Timon?

Uncle Max:
[pleased with himself] No, I haven't—and what a day it's been! No fractures, no lacerations, no concussions, contusions or injuries of any sort. As a matter of fact, there's no sign of Tee-mon's handiwork anywhere!

[The ceiling cracks and then comes crashing down around them, light streaming in all around; finally there's nothing left of the tunnel but a ring of dirt held up on a narrow protrusion, with Timon standing under it]

Uncle Max:
[fuming] That would be... TEE-MON!!!

Timon:
[embarrassed] Heh heh heh. Hey, everybody!

Meerkat1:
Ha ha. Nice work, Timon.

Meerkat2:
Way to go, tunnel klutz.

Meerkat3:
Who else could break a hole?!

Fred:
Four in a week—a new record!

Ma:
[quietly despairing] Not again.

Timon:
What? [defiantly] It's called a "skylight"!

[The "skylight" crumbles to nothing]

Ma:
[trying to salvage the situation] Ho ho. Wow! Isn't that creative? A *skylight...!* Oh, ha ha. [seeking discretion as the better part of valor] I'll just have a word with him.

[Ma leads Timon away from the scene of the collapse]

Timon:
I... I was just trying to shed a little light on our pathetic existence.

Ma:
Timon, this can't go on. Just this month, you've pulled down four walls and collapsed two tunnel exits. [She combs Timon's hair] We have to look after each other. Our survival depends on it.

Timon:
What's the point? All we do is dig so we can hide, and hide so we can dig. [Ma finishes combing his hair, which "poofs" up into a bunch of spikes] I wanna be where we don't have to dig tunnels and live with our heads stuck in the sand. [pushes some grass apart and gazes out over the horizon] What's so bad about dreaming of a better home?

Ma:
[joins him at the gap in the grass] I wanna show you something. Look, Timon. Go on, look. [Camera pulls back to a panoramic view of the Pride Lands in all their golden-lit majesty, as the "This Land" theme plays] Look out to the horizon, past the trees, over the grasslands. Everything the light touches... [sharply] belongs to someone else!

[A record needle scratches; the grasses snap back together and block the view]

Timon:
Funny. I thought you were going a whole different direction with this.

Ma:
What can I say? It's nature's design.

Uncle Max:
[appears out of the grass suddenly] She's right! We're food for other animals—a moveable feast. Feared by no one and eaten by all!

Timon:
But when they die, they become the grass. And we eat the grass... right?

Uncle Max:
Not exactly; we can't digest grass. We're grass intolerant.

Ma:
[snatches Timon away] Ok, Max. *Thank* you. You've been a big help. [To Timon] Honey, I—

Uncle Max:
[appearing out of another stand of grass] Meerkat! It's what's for dinner!

Ma:
[increasingly sarcastic; pointing meaningfully off into the distance] *Thank* you, Uncle Max.

Uncle Max:
[groans at the camera] Uhh. [disappears]

Pumbaa:
[reverently] Pride Rock!

Timon:
So majestic.

Pumbaa:
So powerful.

Timon:
So... bizarrely named. [pauses the movie; the silhouettes and the seatbacks appear again] Pumbaa, how can a rock be proud? It's a rock!

Pumbaa:
Well, I think it's because a "pride" is what they call a group of lions.

Timon:
Oh, sure, the *lions* get Pride Rock. And what about us meerkats? Where I come from we didn't have *nothin'* to be proud of. Why: [clears throat; singing] When I was a young meerkat...!

Pumbaa:
[singing] When he was a young meerkat...! [blows Timon off his seatback]

Timon:
[peevishly] Very nice.

Pumbaa:
Thanks!

Timon:
But maybe it'd be safer if I just show 'em where I came from.

Pumbaa:
Oh, boy! Do we get to see where you grew up?!

Timon:
Yeah, Pumbaa, but it ain't pretty. [clicks the remote; the view of Pride Rock switches to a full-screen shot] Please remain seated while the camera is in motion.

[The camera does a super-high-speed truck-out from Pride Rock, past zebras, grasslands, the Elephant Graveyard, the Gorge, marshlands, the desert, and finally stopping at a dry plain of low mounds of dirt, with a tumbleweed blowing across]

Timon:
Here we are: from Pride Rock to the pit of shame. We're so low on the food chain we're underground! But you don't have to take my word for it. I'll just let my fellow meerkats do the talking.

[The sunrise scene begins again]

MS:
Nants ingonyama bagithi baba

BS:
Sithi uhhmm ingonyama

[Pumbaa and Timon enter the scene, walking across the sunrise from left to right]

Pumbaa:
Okay, so now we're back at the beginning. Right, Timon?

Timon:
Oh, you got that right, pally. [narrating] At last, things were looking up. I had the sun on my shoulders, the wind at my heels, a song in my heart. [Timon and Pumbaa freak out as the animals all bear down on them] Aah!

Pumbaa:
Aah!

[Pumbaa races out from under all the roaring and screeching animals as they rush past; Timon rides on his back]

Timon:
[steering Pumbaa to follow the animals] And to protect me, a great big fat guy!

[Pumbaa pauses the movie. Cut back to the silhouettes]

Pumbaa:
[shocked] You really think I look fat?

Timon:
Uhh, Pumbaa, Pumbaa, Pumbaa. You're a pig. It's a compliment!

Pumbaa:
[mollified] Oh-ho-ho. Thank you!

[Pumbaa resumes the movie. Pride Rock rises before the two of them as the crest a small hill; a deep lion roar sounds]

FS:
It's the Circle of Life, and it moves us all...

Timon:
Whoo-hoo! There it is! The big pointy rock! Oh, baby, we're almost there!

[A record-needle scratching sound accompanies them screeching to a halt as the suddenly see that Pride Rock is surrounded by hundreds of animals]

Pumbaa:
I think we're little late.

Timon:
It's a land rush! That loudmouth monkey, he must've blabbed it to the whole world!

Pumbaa:
What exactly did he say?

Timon:
[imitating Rafiki] Look beyond what you see.

Pumbaa:
So maybe you're supposed to look *beyond* the big pointy rock.

Timon:
[as though he came up with it himself] Maybe I'm supposed to look *beyond* the big pointy rock!

Pumbaa:
Hmm?

Timon:
Well... let's have a little look, shall we? Beyond what I see... beyond what I see... beyond what I see... [Camera pans past Pride Rock (where Rafiki is carrying Simba to the tip of the promontory) and all the gathered animals to a small hill with a little cave in it right behind Pride Rock] Oh ho! What do you know? The monkey's got an eagle eye for real estate!

Pumbaa:
[indicating the impending ceremony] Timon, look!

Timon:
He-he-hey! It's the monkey!

Pumbaa:
What's that he's holdin' up?

Timon:
Aw, who cares? It's not important. Come on! My dream home awaits.

[They approach the gathering of animals from behind, rising in front of them like a wall. Pumbaa nervously shrinks back away from them]

Pumbaa:
Uh... I don't do so well in crowds. Maybe we better go around.

Timon:
Don't you know the shortest distance between me and my dream home is a straight line? Follow me! [He leads Pumbaa straight into the breach]

Animal1:
Oh.

Timon:
Excuse me!

Animal2:
Ow.

Animal3:
Hello!

Animal4:
Goodness.

Timon:
Make room. Make room. Watch it, Twiggy. I'm walkin' here!

[Animals snort and glower at them as the push their way through the crowd. Suddenly Pumbaa's stomach gurgles fiercely; he sits down in "emergency" mode]

Pumbaa:
[miserably] Ahem... Timon? There's something I gotta tell ya.

Timon:
Pumbaa, Pumbaa, Pumbaa. We'll have a plenty of time to chat once we settle in.

Pumbaa:
[stomach gurgles more; he starts to panic] I could really use a rest stop!

Timon:
[trying to get him back on track] Don't worry. You'll get your second wind.

Pumbaa:
[breaking out in sweat] Ohh! I've got a really bad feeling!

Timon:
It'll pass. Trust me! It'll pass.

[Pumbaa releases a massive fart. An elephant freaks out and trumpets. All the animals immediately around them cough and collapse, followed by the ones a little farther away—wildebeests,giraffes, and rhinos]

Zebra1:
Oh, look. The rhinos are bowing.

Zebra2:
Ooh, we'd better bow, too.

[The zebras bow, followed by the antelope in front of them, then more wildebeests, elephants, and the whole rest of the gathered crowd, all laid out in splendid array as seen from the perspective of Mufasa, Rafiki, and Zazu at the tip of the promontory]

Zazu:
Look, sire, how they kneel before the royal son.

[Timon and Pumbaa stand at the epicenter of what looks like a nuclear blast; a slight hissing sound is heard, as well as groans and coughs. We see that the hissing is Timon's hair on fire, fizzling down to his scalp]

Timon:
[goes suddenly from aghast to thrilled] So, I guess that's your special power, huh? What a weapon!

Pumbaa:
Uh, you mean, you don't mind?

Timon:
Ha ha! Are you kidding? It was a gas! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Pumbaa:
[his spirits rising a little] Well, I don't like to toot my own horn...

Timon:
Yeah, that's probably for the best. [Pause for a beat] Let's go, Pumbaa!

Pumbaa:
Lead the way!

[Timon and Pumbaa wind their way through the prostrate animals as the beams of sunlight fall on Simba high atop the promontory above them]

Timon:
Yeeeeoooow! [Pumbaa is pulling quills out of Timon's butt with his teeth] Ay!

Pumbaa:
[talking around a quill] Guess bowling for porcupines [spits out the quill] wasn't the best idea, huh?

Timon:
Yeah. Gotta be right up there with bobbing for snapping turtles. [Pumbaa plucks out another quill] Aah ha ha ha ha hoo!

Pumbaa:
[under his breath] Ohh, that's gonna leave a mark. [He spits out the quill, then looks up at the sound of buzzards squawking] Hey, look Timon. Buzzards! What do you say? One more round?

[Camera slowly trucks in on the scene in the desert where the buzzards are clustering around what we know to be Simba]

Timon:
[sarcastically] Oh, sure. There must be *some* part of me we haven't injured yet.

Pumbaa:
Oh, *please*? [waggling his tail] Oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please?

Timon:
[stretching wearily] Nah, Pumbaa. I'm beat. You go ahead; I'm callin' it a day. [plucks out one last quill] Aiee!

Pumbaa:
[whimpering] But it's no fun alone.

[He starts to sob and whine like a dog. He begins to turn away, but just then Timon runs back and jumps up on his head]

Timon:
Aw, why not? One more run won't change our lives!

[Pumbaa, with Timon riding on top, goes charging into the desert towards the buzzards]

Both:
Yaaaah!

[The movie pauses just as they reach the camera. Timon begins narrating]

Timon:
Who knows why fate led us to little Simba that day? [Scene switches, slide-show style, to Pumbaa lifting Simba on his tusks, Timon looking terrified] Maybe it was just my love of adventure... [Switch to Simba roaring in the jungle, Timon leaping up in terror] Or my innate courage... [Stills show more scenes of Simba terrifying the fur off Timon] ...My valiant and fearless way of... Okay, who's in charge of the freeze-frames!?! [freeze on Timon doing a freakish wild-take pinned up against a tree root]

Pumbaa:
Sorry.

Timon:
Anywho... [resuming narration] Rescuing Simba was a cinch. [Pumbaa gathers up Simba on his tusks and trots off with him back to the jungle] Then came the *reeeally* scary part. ...Parenthood.

[Cut to the sun beating down on the dunes, in the scene where Simba ran home across the desert. "Busa" theme plays. Pumbaa runs in slow motion across the desert sands, frame-for-frame exactly how Simba ran in TLK 1. Suddenly, Timon dashes at normal speed past the slow-motion Pumbaa; Pumbaa skids to a stop in confusion. Timon stops and looks back at him with humility. Pumbaa looks at him questioningly.]

Timon:
Friends stick together to the end.

[Pumbaa gasps joyfully; they rush together and embrace, sobbing. Camera trucks out to show the silhouettes; Timon pauses the movie.]

Timon:
What was with the running? If you can call that "running."

Pumbaa:
I was giving you time to catch up.

Timon:
[choked up] Aw, you big lug.

[Timon reaches out to Pumbaa's shoulder; they embrace, and Timon resumes the movie.]

Pumbaa:
[enthused] Hop on, buddy. We got a fight to catch! [He grabs onto Pumbaa's ears; Pumbaa rears up and paws the air like a mustang.]

Timon:
Let's whip some grass.

[The camera rises from the scene as Pumbaa gallops off (at full speed now) toward the dark and drought-ravaged Pride Lands, as dramatic and heroic music rises.]

Timon:
[narrating] This is the stuff of legends. An epic struggle—the place where heroes are born. Pumbaa... this could be our finest hour.

[Hawaiian drums sound; cut to Timon in drag, doing the "Hawaiian War Dance" distraction routine from TLK 1.]

Timon:
Luau!

If you're hungry for a hunk of fat and juicy meat

Eat my buddy Pumbaa here because he i—

[Timon pauses the movie.]

Timon:
[voice-over; embarrassed] Heh heh. Let's just cut to the chase, shall we?

Pumbaa:
Oh, sure.

[Cut to Timon and Pumbaa screaming and fleeing before a pack of hunger-mad hyenas. The movie resumes.]

Timon and Pumbaa:
Aaaaahhh!

[Timon and Pumbaa lead the hyenas over a rise and into a cave, screaming. Silence falls as the hyenas search for them inside the cave, holding for a beat.]

Banzai:
What the—

[A powerful explosion sounds inside the cave, with a cloud of dust billowing out the cave entrance.]

Hyenas:
Aaaaahhh! Get outta the way!

[The hyenas flee the cave in a panic. Timon and Pumbaa emerge triumphantly; Pumbaa snorts like a bull. Timon rides on top of his head, looking like General Patton. "Ride of the Valkyries" by Wagner echoes in the score.]

Timon:
[inhales deeply] I love the smell of Pumbaa in the morning.

[Suddenly the ground begins to crumble under their feet.]

Ma:
[underground] Hey, hey, hey. Move your tush, honey!

[Pumbaa skips out of the way of the newly opened hole; Ma and Uncle Max are standing in it.]

Timon:
[astonished] Ma? Uncle Max?

Ma:
Oh, Timmy!

Uncle Max:
[floored] Timon?

Timon:
What are you doin' here?

Ma:
Looking for you! [Embraces Timon] Aww. Mommy's here.

[Pause for a beat while Uncle Max glowers disapprovingly and fingers the flower in Timon's hair; Timon grins sheepishly. Uncle Max grumbles under his breath.]

Timon:
Well, let me introduce you to my best friend. [making introductions] Pumbaa: Ma, Uncle Max. Uncle Max, Ma: Pumbaa.

Pumbaa:
[gasps at a sight beyond them] Aah! Look there's Simba! And that must be his uncle Scar!

[Viewpoint switches to show the confrontation between Simba and Scar at the tip of the promontory about to take place; Simba is being backed toward the precipice.]

Timon:
Oh, good, they're talking things out. Which is how it should be. You know, I have a feeling everything's gonna be just fine.

[Timon turns away from the scene. Lightning strikes the base of Pride Rock, igniting the brush, just as Simba slips off the tip of the rock, barely holding on. Timon winces.]

Pumbaa:
Ooh!

Timon:
[resigned] On the other hand...

Pumbaa:
[narrating, as the scene from TLK 1 plays out on top of the promontory] The hyenas are up there protecting Scar. What do we do?

Timon:
Well, I've got a plan...

Ma:
[magnanimous] How can we help?

Timon:
[in pep-talk mode] Ma, Uncle Max: You're going to dig a trap. We're going to need—dare I say it?—tunnels... lots and lots of tunnels. And Pumbaa. You and me... we've gotta get those hyenas away from Simba.

Pumbaa:
[wagging his tail, barely suppressing his excitement] Ooh, ooh! And lure them into the trap?

Timon:
Ho ho! Nothing gets past you. Come on, Pumbaa. Let's ride.

[Timon hops up on Pumbaa; they gallop off as heroic music plays.]

Ma:
[reflective] Y'know, Something's different about Timon...

Uncle Max:
You think? [frantic] He's wearin' a dress! ["Dress" echoes several times.]

[Cut to Scar running away from Simba, with the hyenas chasing after, while sparks from the fire fly all around. They all wind their way to an area near the top of Pride Rock, where the hyenas corner Simba, who snarls at them. Timon and Pumbaa look down on them from a ledge above them.]

Timon:
[loudly enough for the hyenas to hear] Hey, Pumbaa! What do you call a hyena with half a brain?

Pumbaa:
Ah ha ha. Uh, beats me, Timon. What?

[Camera switches to Shenzi, Banzai, and Ed, listening for the punchline.]

Timon:
Gifted! [Timon and Pumbaa laugh; Shenzi and Banzai scowl, but Ed bursts out laughing. Banzai smacks him.]

Ed:
Aah ha ha—ohh!

Banzai:
They're talkin' about us!

Shenzi:
[menacing, advancing on them] For your last meal, you're gonna eat those words.

[Pumbaa and Timon are grinning from the ledge above; suddenly they both zip away, leaving dust clouds in their own shapes that linger for a few moments. They scream as they run down the side of Pride Rock, until they reach a tunnel entrance.]

Timon and Pumbaa:
Yaaaaahh!

Timon:
[landing] Uhh!

Pumbaa:
[landing] Ooh!

Timon:
[calling into the hole] Ma! I think we got their attention!

[Camera pans down into the underground, where Uncle Max is busily digging, and Ma is carrying support beams.]

Ma:
Not yet! Keep stalling!

Uncle Max:
[singing obsessively] Digga tunnah, dig, digga tunnah...

[Cut back to Timon and Pumbaa, backed up against a rock wall and illuminated by the red firelight.]

Timon:
[panicked] Okay...

[Khachaturian's "Sabre Dance" plays; Timon begins juggling sticks and dishes, while Pumbaa gestures toward him and grins. The hyenas stop dead, bewildered.]

Banzai:
[nonplussed] You gotta be kidding me.

[The music stops; Timon stands with the dishes balanced on the sticks on his nose and hands, spinning.]

Timon:
[even more panicked] Now, Ma?

Ma:
[from underground] Need more time, honey!

[Offenbach's "Cancan" plays. Timon and Pumbaa link arms and dance, grinning tensely. The music peters out as the hyenas glare at them and look insulted.]

Timon:
[grasping at straws] Uh... freestyle!

[Hip-hop music plays as Timon and Pumbaa start breakdancing. The hyenas laugh and applaud.]

Shenzi:
Ooh, encore, encore!

Banzai:
No, no, no. You mean, "entree, entree."

Shenzi:
No, you right. Let's just eat 'em. [The hyenas advance on them]

Timon:
[at the edge of his wits] Is it ready yet, Ma?!

Ma:
[from underground] Not yet! Keep stalling!

[Timon nervously drums his fingertips together, chatters his teeth, and bites his nails as the hyenas approach with sinister laughter. Timon gets an idea; he waves his arms in a "time-out" signal.]

Timon:
[approaching the hyenas] Waaait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on a second.

Pumbaa:
[confused, then severe] Uh, Timon? What are you doin'?

Timon:
[theatrically, down on one knee, proposal-style] Shenzi Marie Predatora Veldetta Jacquelina Hyena... would you do me the honor of becoming... my bride?

[The hyenas are dumbfounded; Pumbaa gulps, his mouth falling wide open. Shenzi pauses for a beat before responding. Broadway farce-style music begins, the dialogue falling into the music's patter rhythm.]

Shenzi:
I don't think so!

Timon:
[milking it] Shenzi Marie, please. I know what you're thinking: "We're too different." "It'll never work." "What will the children look like?"

[Cut back to Pumbaa, who is still frozen with shock, mouth wide open.]

Shenzi:
[disgusted] Ooh, that violates so many laws of nature.

Timon:
[backing up against the wall] Listen to me! The problems of a couple of wacky kids like us don't amount to hill of termites in this nutty circle-of-life thing. And so I ask you: If not now, when? If not me, who? [miserably; pleading] I'm lonely.

Pumbaa:
[tapping him on the shoulder; sniffling, putting the best face on his shattered emotions] Can I be your best man?

Banzai:
I say we skip the wedding, and go straight to the buffet!

[As the hyenas draw near, Ma pops up from the hole.]

Ma:
Now?

Timon:
[nonchalant] Sure, if you're ready.

Ma:
[noticing the hyenas] Oh! [drops back down into the hole; calls to Uncle Max] Now, Max, now!

[Uncle Max kicks out one of the tunnel supports, which falls and takes out the rest in a series, like dominoes.

Uncle Max:
Hyenas in the hole!

[The ground under the hyenas crumbles and collapses; they back off, yelping, as the crack follows them rapidly.]

Shenzi:
Huh?

Hyenas:
Huh.

Banzai:
Aaaaahh!

[The crack suddenly stops expanding as one of the supports hits an embedded rock and doesn't fall. The hyenas stop retreating, and look back at Timon and Pumbaa angrily. Uncle Max and Ma pop out of the hole.]

Uncle Max:
I need help. It didn't work.

Banzai:
[approaching again] Hey, it works for me!

[Ma and Uncle Max are backed up against the rock wall.]

Ma:
[panicked] What are we gonna do?

[Timon first looks terrified; then he looks at the ground under the hyenas, noticing where the crack ends up. He steels himself, then runs headlong at Shenzi, aiming between her legs. Lightning flashes as Ma yells after him.]

Shenzi:
What?!

Ma:
Timon, no!

[Timon dives into the crack and rushes along it, pursued by the hyenas' growls and snapping teeth. He makes it past, and the hyenas lose interest in him, focusing back on Pumbaa, Ma, and Uncle Max; the meerkats hug each other in terror.]

Shenzi:
Let's get 'em.

[Timon dives for the last tunnel support; it crumbles on impact. The hyenas leap for their victims; Pumbaa, Ma, and Uncle Max gasp and steel themselves as lightning flashes. As Shenzi lands right in front of them, however, the ground gives way, followed by the whole ledge area collapsing into a huge crater, swallowing all the hyenas whole. The hyenas slide through a huge subterranean tunnel complex, screaming, until they disappear into the darkness. Camera switch to the peak of Pride Rock, where Simba is just hurling Scar over the edge; Scar crashes down the cliff face, passing Pumbaa, Ma, and Uncle Max as they watch.]

Pumbaa:
[with finality] I'd say Scar is down and out.

Uncle Max:
[triumphantly] We did it. We did it!

Ma:
[consumed with worry; shaking Uncle Max by the chest hair] Where's Timon? Where's my baby? He's hurt! [she flings Uncle Max away] Oh, no! Oh, no! He's dead! [She grabs Pumbaa by the nose and slams him to the ground, looking downright insane] Or worse! W-we gotta find him. We've gotta find him!

Timon:
[emerging from the hole] It's okay, Ma.

Ma:
[grabs Timon and shakes him] Oh, please. It is not okay! Don't you tell me it's okay! [recognizing him; gasping] Timmy! [embraces him in a bear hug] Mmm-mm! My son... the hero.

[She reaches up as though to comb his hair, but catches herself; she looks at her hands in embarrassment.]

Timon:
[lowering his head so she can reach it] You missed a spot. [She combs it and dusts him off]

Uncle Max:
[overcome; crying] That's so beautiful! [grabs Timon and hugs him tight around the neck]

Timon:
[eyes bugging out] Choking... Not breathing...

Note:
All this is written and belonged from lionking.org's script of The Lion King 1 1/2 and the scene is 7 minutes and 15 seconds.