The Lords of Salem

Sonny:
Satan! Come to us! We are ready! Satan! Come to us! We are ready! Satan! Come to us! We are ready!

Megan:
Any children?

Francis Matthias:
No, we never got around to children.

Megan:
Well, that's understandable. Children are a bit of a waste. Most are a total loss. So few have anything of substance to really offer us. But on the rare occasion, a special child appears.

Heidi Hawthorne:
I just saw the tenant like 10 minutes ago standing in the doorway.

Lacy Doyle:
Oh, I hate to break it you but there is no person in number 5.

Sonny:
[Observing a bloated body] What a waste of a good man.

Lacy Doyle:
Yes, such a pity. And he was never gonna be able stop anything.

Megan:
[sighs] Anyone care for a fresh pot of tea?

Lacy Doyle:
Lovely darling.

Margaret Morgan:
Welcome!

Margaret Morgan:
We've been waiting, Heidi... We've always been waiting.

Lacy Doyle:
[to Matthias] I think you've come here to get inside my dear little Heidi's head. Get inside her head and f*** her brain. Have you come here to stick your nosy cock inside her head and f*** her brain, Mr. Matthias?

Reverend Jonathan Hawthorne:
You stand guilty of the crimes of witchcraft, and accepting the devil!

[first lines]

Reverend Jonathan Hawthorne:
As I write these very words, the witch, Margaret Morgan, gathers with her coven of six deep within the woods surrounding our beloved Salem. The blasphemous music echoes in my mind, driving me to the point of insanity. I, Jonathan Hawthorne, swear before the eyes of God, on this this day in the year of our Lord 1696, to destroy all persons who choose to pledge allegiance to the demon Satan and his spectral army!

Margaret Morgan:
In the name of Satan, Ruler of the Earth, the King of the world; open wide the gates of Hell and come forth from your blessed abyss.

Lacy Doyle:
Oh, Father, you give us the venom. Fill us with your essence.

Megan:
Let it burn through our souls and our minds.

Sonny:
We trample on the cross.

Megan:
We spit upon the book of lies. We desecrate the Virgin Whore.

Lacy Doyle:
We blaspheme His holy spirit, and we rejoice in His suffering.

Megan:
Guide this child still in the shackles of the oppressor. Help her break free from His tyrant ways.

Sonny:
Entice her to take the precious bite from whence she shall be delivered.

Lacy Doyle, Megan, Sonny:
You are the dragon, Lord Satan!

Margaret Morgan:
Bleed us a king!

Herman Jackson:
Can you explain the philosophy behind your music?

Count Gorgann:
Our philosophy is to expose the lies of the Christian whores and Jesus, the true bringer of death.

[Heidi and Herman Salvador laugh]

Count Gorgann:
We are not the crying sheep of God, we are the mighty goat.

Heidi Hawthorne:
Why the goat? Why not the pig?

Herman 'Whitey' Salvador:
According to Mr. Chow's menu I was born in the Year of the Pig.

Heidi Hawthorne:
Ah, good lo mein.

Herman 'Whitey' Salvador:
Ni hao ma. [Heidi laughs]

Count Gorgann:
The goat has free will and for that reason he will always be punished by the oppressor, God. God must die. God is the unholy pig. We serve the butcher.

Herman Jackson:
OK...

Margaret Morgan:
Welcome... whores of Salem! I can taste the foul stench of your ancestors rotting in the folds of filth between your legs.

Sonny, Megan, Lacy Doyle:
[Sonny, Lacy, and Megan shout in unison] We honor you through our actions and our thoughts. Each day that we live upon this Earth, may we grow stronger in wisdom and in our love for you. You are our father, our teacher, our muse, our lover. We have taken your mark.

Megan:
[reading Heidi's palm] You must make peace with your subconscious desires.

Heidi Hawthorne:
Really? What desires?

Megan:
The wicked thoughts burning inside your head and exploding in the juices between your legs. The darkness within your very soul. The only reason you exist.

Heidi Hawthorne:
Uh, I think I'll make peace with those desires later. I really should be getting upstairs now.

Margaret Morgan:
Sister. Feel the earth... taste of the air. Do you hear... the sound of the clouds... and the scent of the wind... all becoming one? The whores of the deceivers are gathering around us. You are the blade by which will bleed the cunting daughters of Salem. Dear Heidi, bleed us a king.

Priest:
Why are you in here?

Heidi Hawthorne:
I don't know. I was walking by with my dog and I thought I would just come in and sit for a minute. Is that okay? Are you closed?

Priest:
No. We never close. God is always open and ready to listen.

Heidi Hawthorne:
I just needed to sit.

Priest:
Yes, it is a nice place to just come and sit.

Heidi Hawthorne:
Yeah, it's nice.

Priest:
[puts his hand on Heidi's back] You're a very sad girl.

Heidi Hawthorne:
Yeah... I think I should get going.

[the priest grabs Heidi]

Heidi Hawthorne:
Ow! What the f***?

Priest:
You have to understand that there is a war waging in Heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon and his serpents, but God does not spare angels when they sin but sends them to Hell.

[Priest unzips his pants and forces Heidi's head downwards]

Priest:
You are a filthy whore of Satan. Christ can't save you. Only I can save you! Oh, you must no longer offer worship and sacrifice to the goat idols to whom you prostitute yourself. You must understand what the Lord has done for you and how He has supreme mercy on your soul!

Lacy Doyle:
Lord, hear us. We are ready to bring your precious child to this world.

Sonny, Megan, Lacy Doyle:
[shouting in unison] In memory of Satan, you preach punishment and shame to those who would emancipate themselves and repudiate the slavery of the church. Satan, come to us. We are ready! Satan, come to us. We are ready! Satan, come to us. We are ready!

Margaret Morgan:
It was our Lord Satan that took you to the mill of the grave so that you should thus become the bread and the blood of revelation and revulsion.