The Man from U.N.C.L.E.

[after having had sex, Solo holds up a pair of shoes]

Napoleon Solo:
Do these belong to you or to me?

Illya Kuryakin:
Napoleon Solo, the CIA's most effective agent.

Napoleon Solo:
Illya Kurakin: KGB, the youngest member to join and pass in three years.

Napoleon Solo:
[to Kuryakin] Not very good at this whole subtlety thing, are you?

[a drunk Gaby annoys Illya]

Illya Kuryakin:
[to Gaby] Don't make me put you over my knee...

Gaby Teller:
So you don't want to dance... but you do want to wrestle.

[cut to Gaby and Illya fighting]

[from trailer]

Napoleon Solo:
[to his driver] Are they still following us?... Is there one of them?... Is he looking at us?... Does he have just one hand on the steering wheel?... When you hear something that sounds like a gunshot, drive. [cue car chase]

Waverly:
For a special agent, you're not having a very special day, are you?

Illya Kuryakin:
I was briefed on your criminal career. Your balls are on the end of a very long leash, held by a very short man.

Napoleon Solo:
I wonder if it was your father's shame that gave you such drive... Or was it your mother's reputation? I understand that she was extremely popular amongst your father's friends...

Illya Kuryakin:
You're trembling...

Gaby Teller:
That's because I'm scared!

Illya Kuryakin:
It's going to be okay.

Napoleon Solo:
[he and Gaby being pursued by an agent] Let's just hope he doesn't drive as quickly as he moves. [Kuryakin appears behind them]

Gaby Teller:
Guess what? He does.

Napoleon Solo:
[to Gaby, after rolling down the window] Take another left through the window... after you.

Napoleon Solo:
[telling Kuryakin to let himself get mugged] Take it like a p*ssy.

Illya Kuryakin:
This is NOT the Russian way.

Gaby Teller:
America teaming up with Russia. That doesn't sound very friendly.

[Solo and Kuryakin meet after spending a night in their hotel rooms]

Napoleon Solo:
[shows him electronic bugs] These. Are. Russian-made.

Illya Kuryakin:
One moment. [leaves and returns]

Illya Kuryakin:
[shows him electronic bugs] These. Are. American-made. And very low-tech.

Illya Kuryakin:
[as Solo cracks a safe] Did you disable the alarm?

Napoleon Solo:
There's no alarm on the 307. [alarm immediately begins wailing]

Illya Kuryakin:
...Loving your work, Cowboy.

Illya Kuryakin:
[driving a boat] Hold on, Cowboy!

[Solo falls off]

Napoleon Solo:
[seeing Illya grabbing the rear of their car] He's trying. To stop. The car.

Gaby Teller:
We're struggling here. Why don't you take a shot at him?

Napoleon Solo:
Somehow, it just doesn't seem like the right thing to do.

Illya Kuryakin:
[as Sanders is being electrocuted in the other room] Looks like he fixed the short.

Napoleon Solo:
Damn. I left my jacket in the other room.

Illya Kuryakin:
[about having to get mugged] A Russian architect would have fought them, a Russian agent would have killed them!

[Illya tries to put a ring on Gaby]

Gaby Teller:
We may be engaged, but I'm my own woman! Besides, I don't have a ring! It was stolen, remember?

Illya Kuryakin:
A good Russian husband would go out early and got his fianc?e a new ring, as soon as he could.

Waverly:
Thank you, gentlemen, for fouling up two years of hard work!

Napoleon Solo:
Don't go anywhere.

Uncle Rudi:
[strapped in a chair] I'll be right here.

Uncle Rudi:
There are only two masters in this world: fear and pain.

Uncle Rudi:
I am a traditionalist, I will get the pliers. Have you anything to say?

Napoleon Solo:
I never thought I'd be glad to see you.

Illya Kuryakin:
[behind Rudi] You need help, Cowboy?

Illya Kuryakin:
Why is there radiation suit in closet, in a satellite factor? [discovers a switch to a secret passage]

Gaby Teller:
I'm not going back behind that wall. And when I'm done here, that's where they'll put me!

Napoleon Solo:
[about Kuryakin] We're working with the Russians. It doesn't get any more Russian than the Red Peril here!

[last lines]

Waverly:
...Oh, and you have a new codename. Rather a good one: UNCLE.

Udo:
What about my daughter?

Victoria:
She'll be joining you shortly

[shoots him]

Napoleon Solo:
Would you mind terribly if I borrowed your car?

Illya Kuryakin:
Good night, little chop shop girl.

Gaby Teller:
About last night...

Illya Kuryakin:
[smiles] I like my women strong.

Gaby Teller:
[Illya checking tracker on Gaby's garter] What are you doing down there?

Illya Kuryakin:
Trying not to get lost.

[Kuryakin prepares a wardrobe for Gaby]

Napoleon Solo:
It won't match.

Illya Kuryakin:
It doesn't have to match.

Victoria:
So you're a thief, but you don't wear a mask.

Napoleon Solo:
Sometimes, just not when I'm stealing things.

Napoleon Solo:
You told me this was going to be a simple extraction.

Sanders:
It should have been. I didn't ask you to light up half of East Berlin.

Napoleon Solo:
They were waiting for me.

Sanders:
Don't flatter yourself, they follow everybody.

Napoleon Solo:
One of them who was waiting for me was barely human. You should've seen him run.

Sanders:
Grow a spine, Solo. Contrary to what you think, we are not in with the haberdashery business.

Napoleon Solo:
I don't think you understand. He tore the back off my car.

Sanders:
Remind me, Solo, how long was your prison sentence. You owe me five more years. Now, I know that you've been taking care of yourself on the side. Wetting your beak, so to speak. We don't pay you enough to be able to put truffles in your rizzoto, Solo. But don't ever make the calamitous error of mistaking my deliberate short sightedness for blindness. Now you'll report for duty tomorrow morning nine a.m. sharp. And with a better attitude.

Sanders:
[In a public restroom, unzipping his fly to use the urinal] What I'm about to feed you, Solo, might taste a little bitter. Nevertheless, you're gonna have to swallow it.

Napoleon Solo:
I'm here to help. Why don't you help me?

Gaby Teller:
With what?

Napoleon Solo:
If I have 15 minutes, we'd drink tea, eat biscuits. I talk, you laugh, and we'd be on our way. Unfortunately, I don't. So, my operators [gesturing out the window] , come with me now to a chic little hotel in West Berlin in less than an hour. Or, stay here and spend the night with the Russians, hang from a pipe having your toenails removed.

Napoleon Solo:
[to Victoria over ship-to-ship radio] That warhead, although not nuclear, shouldn't have any trouble obliterating a medium-sized fishing boat. The aforementioned warhead launched... 45 seconds ago. Giving you about 30 seconds until impact. [her crew jumping the ocean] It won't trigger a nuclear warhead, as that requires fission. So, if you do want to make good on your vow, I suggestion you abandon ship immediately.

Napoleon Solo:
[massive explosion] How's *that* for entertainment?

Napoleon Solo:
I absolutely hated working with you, Peril.

Illya Kuryakin:
Your a terrible spy, Cowboy.

Captain Smith:
We're wasting our time. This isn't working.

Waverly:
If you would just shut up, thank you very much, Captain.