The Matador

Julian Noble:
Margaritas always taste better in Mexico.

Danny Wright:
They certainly do.

Julian Noble:
Margaritas and cock.

Julian Noble:
I'm as serious as an erection problem.

Julian Noble:
Sorry about the cock thing, it's kind of a conversation stopper.

Danny Wright:
[after just learning Julian lied about having a wife] I mean, what else is a lie?

Bean:
Are you even an assassin?

[trying to convince Danny to help him on a hit]

Julian Noble:
Come on! It'll be a good time!

Danny Wright:
Oh, so now killing people is a good time?

Julian Noble:
...Can be.

Julian Noble:
[after flirting with some Mexican schoolgirls] I hate these Catholic countries. It's all blushy-blushy and no sucky-f***y.

Julian Noble:
I am a big fan of the "Everybody's got to pee" theory of assassination.

Julian Noble:
I look like a Bangkok hooker on a Sunday morning, after the navy's left town.

Julian Noble:
I wouldn't do that for all the teenage twat in Thailand.

Julian Noble:
Just consider me the best cocktail party story you ever met.

Julian Noble:
I need a break. There's no retirement home for assassins is there? Archery at four. Riflery at five.

[a tree crashes through the kitchen as Danny and Bean make love on the table]

Danny Wright:
Still horny?

Julian Noble:
Yeah, whatever, goodbye, scoodoodle!

Ten Year Old Boy:
See you, would'nt wanna be you.

Julian Noble:
Smell ya, shouldn't have to tell ya.

Julian Noble:
Danny, Danny! Danny with the large white fanny!

Genevive:
Mr. Noble, how are you today?

Julian Noble:
More importantly, how are you...

[looks at nametag]

Julian Noble:
...Genevive?

Julian Noble:
An assassin without confidence is a horrible thing to behold. It's like a relief pitcher who fumbles the ball.

Danny Wright:
Please tell me you know you mixed two sports in a metaphor.

Julian Noble:
Huh? Yeah, I can't do that.

Julian Noble:
I want to retire to a beautiful little Greek island, filled with beautiful little Greeks!

Julian Noble:
I'd only be interested in your mother if she lost 20 pounds and 30 years.

Julian Noble:
My handler, Mr. Randy, contacted me the way he always does, through an ad in the International Tribune looking for cat sitters in Bali.

Julian Noble:
I lie when I need to, tell the truth when I can.

Bean:
Aren't we f***ing cosmopolitan? Having a trained assassin stay overnight. Letting heartbreaking lies roll over us like a summer breeze.

Bean:
Did You bring your gun?

Julian Noble:
Yes, as a matter of fact.

Bean:
May I see it?

Julian Noble:
Really?

Bean:
Yes, please.

Mr. Randy:
Did you study the assignment?

Julian Noble:
No, I shredded it. Then I humped the bellboy on the room service cart.

Julian Noble:
I didn't mean to weird you out. I was wrong, please. I just get paranoid sometimes. I'm drunk. I'm tired, and I've just been fornicating for the past two hours, and before that I was doing sh*t - horrible business sh*t.

Julian Noble:
I'm the relief pitcher in the bottom of the ninth... and I've fumbled the ball.

Hotel Bartender 1:
How you here for business or pleasure, sir?

Julian Noble:
My business is my pleasure.

Mr. Randy:
Goddamn it, Julian, you leave the game, even for a while, I don't know if they'll gonna let you back in. And then what the hell are you gonna do? Waste your days picking up illiterate teenagers for suck-and-f*** sessions behind the Old Navy store?

Julian Noble:
Sounds delightful to me.

Danny Wright:
[discussing possible escape routes] That door over there, if it weren't locked.

Julian Noble:
A Vietnamese girl I once knew had her legs so locked together I couldn't get a whiff of her spring roll. Two drinks, half a quaalude later, I was at an all you can eat buffet. Every lock can be broken. It's just a matter of will and whether it's worth it.

Julian Noble:
Now, escape routes.

Danny Wright:
Escape routes?

Julian Noble:
Well you don't want to get caught right?

Danny Wright:
Oh, right.

Julian Noble:
Don't get caught. It sucks.