The Music Box

Nursemaid:
And not only that, he kicked me.

Policeman:
He kicked you?

Nursemaid:
Yes, officer, right in the middle of my daily duty.

Policeman:
Oh, he kicked you did he?

Stan:
What do you want?

Policeman:
I don't want you. I want that other monkey.

[Stan whistles to Ollie]

Ollie:
What?

Stan:
He doesn't want me! He wants the other monkey!

[Ollie looks around]

Stan:
You!

Ollie:
Oh.

Nursemaid:
[as Stan and Ollie try to help her get her baby carriage around the piano box, it suddenly slides back down the stairs. Stan and Ollie frantically chase after it and catch the box after it stops in the street. The Nursemaid finds this hilarious and laughs uproariously as Stan and Ollie pull the piano box back onto the curb. Stan glares at her as she continues laughing at their misfortune] Of all the dumb things! [She continues laughing. Becoming fed up with her, Stan kicks her in the behind] OW! [She punches Stan in the face, so hard it knocks his hat off]

Ollie:
AH HA HA HA HA, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [the Nursemaid grabs a glass baby bottle from the carriage and removes Ollie's hat] AHHH ha ha ha ha ha! [She breaks the bottle over Ollie's head, instantly ceasing his laughter]

Stan:
Don't you think you're bounding over your step?

Ollie:
Where there's a will, there's a way.

Prof. von Schwarzenhoffen:
[the piano is blocking his path] Well? Either of you two numbskulls going to take this thing out of the way?

Ollie:
What's it to you?

Prof. von Schwarzenhoffen:
I should like to pass.

Ollie:
Why don't you walk around?

Prof. von Schwarzenhoffen:
Walk around? Me? Professor Theodore Von Schwarzenhoffen? M.D., A.D, D.D.S, F.L.D, F.F.F und F should walk around? Get that thing out of my way! Go on, out of the way!

[Stan slaps his hat off. It flies into the street and is flattened by a truck]

Prof. von Schwarzenhoffen:
Very nice. I'll have you arrested for this! I'll have you thrown in jail! I'm professor T.D.A!

Ollie:
What were you doing up there?

Stan:
I was trying to plug it in.

Ollie:
That's not the place to plug it in! Give it to me!

Stan:
[whistles] Hey, Ollie!

Ollie:
[walks out of the house and looks up at him] What?

Stan:
There's somebody home.

Ollie:
Are they up there?

Stan:
No, I heard them coming up the stairs.

Ollie:
You heard them coming up... Why stupid, that was me!

Stan:
That was you?

Ollie:
Why certainly.

Stan:
Well how'd you get in the house?

Ollie:
Well I was standing on the ladder while you were pulling the piano up and the block and tack... [angrily throws his hat up at Stan] Get back in there! Throw me my hat! [Stan randomly grabs a hat and tosses it down, unknowingly it is his own] "Heard'em coming up the stairs."

Policeman:
Say, what do you mean by molesting that girl?

Ollie:
Who, me?

Policeman:
Yes, you.

Ollie:
Why I was just...

[the policeman kicks him]

Policeman:
Now let that be a lesson to ya.

[walks away]

Stan:
Are you going to stand for that?

Ollie:
Say listen, if he'd have said one more word to me, I would've...

[notices the policeman had returned; laughs nervously]

Policeman:
[kicks Ollie again] Now let that be *another* lesson. [chucks him under the chin with the head of his truncheon]

Stan:
Say listen, don't you think you're bounding over your step?

Policeman:
What do you mean bounding over my step?

Ollie:
Why, he means overstepping your bounds. [laughs nervously]

Policeman:
Oh.

[hits Stan on head with his truncheon]

Policeman:
Now let that be a lesson to you!

[pokes him in the stomach]

Stan:
Ooh!

[last lines]

Prof. von Schwarzenhoffen:
Gentlemen, is there anything I can do to show you how sorry I am?

Ollie:
[smiling] Just sign here. Service with a smile. Stanley, the pen.

Prof. von Schwarzenhoffen:
[as he takes the top off the pen, ink explodes into the Professor's face] Why you... Out of my house! OUT OF MY HOUSE!

Ollie:
That's the house up there; right on top of the stoop.