The New Scooby-Doo Movies

Shaggy:
Man, I don't know what's worse... Those Muck Men, or Cass Elliot's driving...

Scooby:
Cass Elliot's driving!

Phyllis Diller:
This is my living room, I don't know why I call it that, nobody in here is living anymore.

George 'Meadowlark' Lemon:
[Knocks on door of house] Hello! Anyone home?

Shaggy:
[Has the "willies" because of the creepy-crawly critters in the yard] C-c-couldn't we just go in?

George 'Meadowlark' Lemon:
The Globetrotters NEVER enter a ritzy mansion unannounced! [Swarm of bats descends upon them] Announcing... the Globetrotters! [Everybody barges inside]

Bobby Joe 'B.J.' Mason:
[Globetrotters are practicing in the basement of an old shed] Watch this lay-up shot!

George 'Meadowlark' Lemon:
[as B.J. Jumps] Watch the CEILING! [Covers eyes as loud crash sounds off-screen]

Bobby Joe 'B.J.' Mason:
[Head and shoulders have gone through the ceiling] I forgot about that...

George 'Meadowlark' Lemon:
Gip, throw the anchor overboard!

J.C. 'Gip' Gipson:
[Salutes] Aye Aye, Cap'n! [Proceeds to wrench the entire anchor, windlass and all, from the deck and throw it overboard]

Freddie 'Curly' Neal:
[Upset] Now nothing can stop us from drifting!

George 'Meadowlark' Lemon:
[Optimistically] We still have a rudder, Curly. We can turn back to shore. Bobby Joe! Turn the wheel around!

Bobby Joe 'B.J.' Mason:
Aye Aye! [Proceeds to pop wheel loose from spindle and stick it on opposite side]

Hubert 'Geese' Ausbie:
What are you doing?

Bobby Joe 'B.J.' Mason:
I'm turning the wheel around!

Hubert 'Geese' Ausbie:
You're supposed to turn it this way! [Gives the wheel a teriffic spin; because B.J loosened it, it rolls off the spindle and overboard into the sea]

Freddie 'Curly' Neal:
[to Meadowlark, with a certain amount of malice] No wheel, and no rudder!

George 'Meadowlark' Lemon:
[Exhasperated] If Columbus had THIS crew, the world would still be flat!

George 'Meadowlark' Lemon:
Bobby Joe! What's our position?

Bobby Joe 'B.J.' Mason:
[With Telescope, hanging from Crow's nest] Our position? Um... I'm hangin' here by one arm, and you and Curly are on the Bridge, Geese has his head stuck in a porthole, Gip and Pab are fallin' down the stairs, and Shaggy and Scooby are hidin' under a deck chair!

George 'Meadowlark' Lemon:
[Slaps forehead] I'm sorry I asked!

Fred 'Freddy' Jones:
[stuck on a set with Shaggy and Scooby in one behind them] We're in the bank.

Shaggy:
Great, you can bail us out, we're in jail.

Velma:
Have an accident?

Stanley Laurel:
No thanks, we just had one.

Freddie:
[sees Laurel and Hardy's car stuck in a dead tree] Do you suppose they had an accident?

Shaggy Rogers:
Like, anyone who could do that on purpose is some kind of driver!

Dick Van Dyke:
Would you be interested in buying this amusement park?

Velma:
You already asked us that.

Dick Van Dyke:
The price just went down.

Dick Van Dyke:
Would you like to buy this amusement park?

Velma:
Ha! We're lucky if we have enough for admission.

Professor Flakey:
What would you do with a sying flute?

The Joker:
A *sighing flute*?

Professor Flakey:
I mean a flying suit, made of rubber. When somebody puts it on, they air through the fly, I mean flare through the eye... no no, coming through the rye... no no no, FLY through the air!

Professor Flakey:
Walking through that water I felt like Crossington washing the Delaware, I mean Washington crossing the Delaware.

Professor Flakey:
Personally I've always liked Shaggy because he's dumb to kind animals.

The Penguin:
You mean kind to dumb animals. DUMB! Like that mutt!

Professor Flakey:
Poker and Jenguin are on their way to Gotham City to steal my invention.

Batman:
Sir, that's Joker and Penguin. With their tremendous head start they'll get your invention before we can catch them.

Professor Flakey:
Net nocessarily. I told them it was at the Hillside Aircraft Company, but it's not. It's at the Ruther Gobbam factory, I mean the Gotham Rubber factory.

Velma:
Professor, lock the lab door after we've gone.

Professor Flakey:
Oh yes, I'll lab the lock door. Oh dear oh dear, I hope the bil-mo-bat gets here soon with the dunamic dyo.

Robin:
[after accidentally dropping a cage on Shaggy and Scooby] Sorry we goofed, Shaggy.

Shaggy:
That's Okay! Like, it's a pleasure to be captured by a good guy for once.

Fred:
[sees two people come in the front door] It's Batman and Robin!

Daphne:
What're you doing here?

Shaggy:
Batman, what's that?

Batman:
A car press. When the crane drops a car into the hole, powerful walls close in on it and pulverize it. What you're sitting on could easily have once been a four-door sedan.

Shaggy:
Whoa, talk about your compact cars.

The Joker:
[tricking Batman and Robin to fall down a shaft to an empty room with no way out] Our pit is full, how pitiful.

Velma:
What about the vanishing house?

The Joker:
The WHAT?

Fred:
The farmhouse that really isn't there.

The Joker:
Listen you young jackanapes, *I'm* supposed to be the one making the jokes around here.

Daphne:
Do you know who Mrs. Baker is?

The Joker:
Sure I know who Mrs. Baker is

[points to Scooby]

The Joker:
that creature's mother. Bow wow! Arf arf!

Scooby-Doo:
Sheesh! Cooorrrny!

Robin:
[falling into a pit] Holy pitfall!

Batman:
Look out, Robin, that one broke free. [the Joker tries to climb out of the pit] How about that? The clown prince of crime is now the clown prince of climb!

Robin:
[the Joker and Penguin in skeleton costumes fall down the pit] Holy vertebrae! We've got company!

Batman:
Yes, Robin, and I have a feeling when we unmask these two we'll find a couple of *bone*heads.

Mrs. Frickert:
You ever see a six-foot-tall chicken?

Scooby:
Yeah. [points to Shaggy and giggles]

Fred:
This desert reminds me of a woman.

Daphne:
How so?

Fred:
It goes on, and on, and on.

George 'Meadowlark' Lemon:
There's a hot-dog shaped, two-headed swamp monster, and it's coming after us RIGHT NOW!

Freddie 'Curly' Neal:
Meadowlark, you have got to be joking! [Jumps as ominous rumbling commences]

George 'Meadowlark' Lemon:
Does THAT sound like I'm kidding?

Freddie:
[the Globetrotters' bus is stuck axle-deep in a swamp, and sinking] What are you going to do?

George 'Meadowlark' Lemon:
I'll tell you what we're NOT going to do, and that's follow you guys anyplace anymore!

J.C. 'Gip' Gipson:
One door, goin' down! [Charges at locked door and smashes clean through it]

Freddie:
[Surveying the damage] We should have tried the back door.

Daphne:
Maybe it doesn't have a back door.

J.C. 'Gip' Gipson:
[Appears through hole in wall on backside of house] It does now!

Shaggy:
[Scooby bites down on a toffee bar and screams] What's the matter, Scoob, don't you like toffee? [finds a key in the candy wrapper]

Shaggy:
[Shaggy lowers a licorice rope down a vent but Scooby puts the end in his mouth and starts eating it] Do you see the end yet, Freddy?

Fred 'Freddy' Jones:
No, not yet.

Shaggy:
[beat] How about now?

Fred 'Freddy' Jones:
No.

Shaggy:
Boy, you guys must be 10 floors down.

[sees Scooby eating the rope]

Shaggy:
Give me that,

[lowers the rope]

Fred 'Freddy' Jones:
Now I see it, you must've just started feeding it.

Shaggy:
Wrong, I just STOPPED feeding it.

Monster:
You are doomed, doomed, DOOMED!

Shaggy:
Wrong! We are panicked, panicked, PANICKED!

Cass Elliot:
[stuck in a vent] If I ever get out of here it's going to be nothing but grapefruit: breakfast, lunch, dinner, and in between snacks.

Daphne:
[walking through an area with huge candy canes hanging on the walls like bars] Jeepers, these candy canes make me feel like a prisoner.

Daphne:
[about Cass's grapefruit diet] But those are covered in hot fudge, whipped cream and cherries.

Cass Elliot:
Shhh! If you don't tell me, I won't tell my stomach.

Freddie 'Curly' Neal:
[All hiding in laundry baskets from a ghost] Is the coast clear?

George 'Meadowlark' Lemon:
I sure hope so. Let's take a look. [They all stand. Curly and Meadowlark find themselves entangled in a couple bedsheets]

Shaggy:
Phew! Hey g... [sees two more "ghosts" rising from the laundry basket behind him] YEEEEOOOOW!

Hubert 'Geese' Ausbie:
All right, who's been practicing a new trick without telling anyone?

Freddie:
Let's hope we get lucky and get a good look at that what's-it.

Shaggy:
You call that luck? I call it a catastrophe!

Sonny Bono:
[Cher stomps her foot and the resort falls into the ocean] That's my little Indian Sphinx, when she brings down the house, she REALLY brings down the house.

Sonny Bono:
Doggone, we were traveling incognito. How'd you recognize us with my sunglasses on?

Velma:
Easy. We just read the monogram on your door: 'Sonny Bono and Mrs. Sonny Bono'.

Sonny Bono:
This brochure says that the gulls and the pelicans around here are so tame, you can feed them, and they'll eat off your hand.

Velma:
Those birds'll eat off your hand all right, they're vultures!

Milo Meekly:
The story goes that one night, when the sea winds moan, old Shark Face will walk upon the land and all his man-eaters will leave the grimey deep and follow him, driving all of us humans back into the sea.

Daphne:
What's that?

Milo Meekly:
What?

Daphne:
That unearthly moaning.

Velma:
G-sharp I believe.

Sonny Bono:
Oh, come on, Cher, don't let the weather get you down. You know what, my E.S.P. tells me that tomorrow will be a beautiful day, and we're gonna have fun, fun, fun.

Cher:
Yeah, well, something tells me in your case E.S.P. stands for Extra Stupid Personality.

Sonny Bono:
But this is our delayed honeymoon. You should be enjoying it.

Cher:
I am enjoying it, or my name isn't Barbra Streisand.

Sonny Bono:
Your name isn't Barbra Streisand.

Cher:
You catch on fast, Big Boy.

Cher:
There it goes again, that same sound that Mr. Meekly claimed was a signal for the seamonsters to rise up and chase all you men into the sea.

Sonny Bono:
Check, when he said 'man', he meant all of us, mankind.

Cher:
All right, but I'm a woman, kind man, and that lets me out.

Freddy:
Come on, Mr. Bono, you don't believe in ghosts, do ya?

Cher:
Yeah, what are you, a man or a mouse, squeak up!

Sonny Bono:
No, I don't believe in ghosts, like any other sensible person, I'm afraid of them.

Sonny Bono:
Well don't worry, nothing's going to happen to you while I'm around.

Cher:
I know. Seems like a terrible waste of a honeymoon.

Velma:
That's the first seaweed that ever clanged...

Freddy:
Right. It looks and sounds like gold.

Uncle Fester:
I invite you to break bread.

Shaggy:
[tries the bread] Break bread? He means break your teeth on this bread, this stuff's hard as a rock.

Daphne:
Something brushed against me!

Fred:
That was me!

Shaggy:
That's nothing, a *brush* brushed against me!

Pugsley Addams:
That was Cousin It.

Morticia Frump Addams:
[presented with a going away present] It's Thing!

Uncle Fester:
I taught him to wave bye-bye.

Shaggy:
[fireworks shoot out of the Addams' house and towards them] Is it the 4th of July already, Scoob?

Velma:
[in Fester's lab] Uh oh, I just remembered something. Remember what Uncle Fester made in his lab?

Fred:
Yeah, fireworks, so? [looks at the candle he's holding] You don't mean...

Velma:
Yep, Roman Candles. [it explodes]

Daphne:
Sparks are landing on the other fireworks!

Fred:
Girls, it's time to get out of here!