The Newsroom

George Findlay:
The entire muffin industry in this country is a joke.

Audrey:
You still want a muffin?

George Findlay:
Yes, dark bran.

Audrey:
What if he only has cranberry left?

George Findlay:
Oh God, this muffin thing again... Why whenever I ask for a bran, you always come back with cranberry?

Audrey:
Because... he's usually out of bran by now and cranberry happens to be all he has left.

George Findlay:
Oh, and you know why? I'll tell you why. Because he can't make five more bran muffins. So by eleven o'clock in the morning, there's something like thousand cranberry muffins, and... you know why they're sitting there...? Because everyone hates them.

Audrey:
How about apple cinnamon?

George Findlay:
How about... most of the commercial apple products made... are not made with real apple, they're made with turnips, and apple flavour.

Audrey:
Really?

George Findlay:
The entire muffin industry in this country is a joke.

George Findlay:
Okay, so they got a picture of this woman with Jim -- what, sitting on Jim's lap or something? I sat on Santa Claus's lap, I have a picture of that. Was I sleeping with Santa Claus?

Mark:
I don't know, were you?

George Findlay:
David Frum's in bed with the Christian right. They are pro-life, anti-abortion, let-God's-will-take-its-course. I just don't see inserting a plug in your head being consistent with that ideology.

Jeremy:
Anti-abortion, anti-plug, pro-life, pro-...

George Findlay:
Pro-weave, pro-rug, pro-life.

Mark:
So he's not plugged.

Audrey:
Why don't we move on to someone else until this issue is settled.

Jeremy:
Preston Manning.

George Findlay:
Yeah, he's got good ideas, but, again I have this problem when I see him on television, um, I try to listen to him, but my eye goes right to, you know, to...

Mark:
The chin.

Jeremy:
Yeah, the chin thing.

George Findlay:
You've got to hand it to him. He didn't have it fixed, which I guess is consistent with his anti-abortion, pro-chin ideology.

Lindsay Ward:
News is presenting a story in such a way that a housewife, in her kitchen peeling potatoes for dinner will suddenly stop and listen and think, 'Oh my God! 300 people were burned alive in that Bangkok fire. Thank God I wasn't one of them!'

Lindsay Ward:
You know, Toronto is a world-class city. Driving in from the airport on the... 401? The 401... we had passed an overturned tanker truck that crushed a car. Evidently, three people were killed. I was just passing as a civilian, not in a news capacity at all, there were three dead! [With a laugh] That's a major market!

George Findlay:
[George is trying to convince Jim that hiring a female co-anchor is a good thing] You're going to be brilliant at this! OK? Now, I wanna tell you something. If you don't like this woman, she's gone. You have my word.

Jim Walcott:
Your word... ok.

George Findlay:
My word. You know how the corporation works. I don't have final say in this, so my word is effectively irrelevant.

George Findlay:
They get their names stencilled on the spaces? I'm a news director, I don't even get a space. I have to park across the street for seven bucks a day. Fifteen when there's a ball game. The guy that parks my car is an Ethiopian doctor. That's the truth. This is not what they're trained to do. This is what's wrong with our immigration policy. They should let these guys practice medicine. I'd rather have him operate on my heart than park my car. Do you know the three scariest words an Ethiopian doctor can say to a BMW owner? Huh, do you? "Leave the keys."

George Findlay:
[George is obsessing about his lack of a personal parking space to Audrey] I have to pay $7 to park my car in the garage across the street, $15 when there's a ballgame. They have Ethiopian doctors parking the cars. The immigration process in this country is a joke. I'd rather have the Ethiopian doctor operate on my heart, than park my car. Do you know the three scariest words an Ethiopian doctor can say to a BMW owner? Do you? 'Leave the keys'.

Angelo Mosca:
Hi, Angelo Mosca, Hamilton Ti-Cats. Happened to be in the building and heard you were looking for a sports anchor.

George Findlay:
Angelo Mosca...the wrestler!

Angelo Mosca:
Correct!

George Findlay:
You know, Angelo, this is not against your record or anything, OK? But we kind of need a more recognizable face. In football you had the face guard. When you wrestled you wore a mask.

Angelo Mosca:
I never wore a mask in wrestling.

George Findlay:
That was your face?

Jim Walcott:
Look. If Mary Magdalene flip flopped when she saw the light then fine, Jim Walcott flip flopped on the issue of abortion. I also want to say that I loved Yul Brenner in the Magnificent Seven.

Shane Pollock:
I'm not a failed screenwriter. I mean, that's only by Hollywood's bullshit standards.

George Findlay:
He said "bullshit" on TV.

Mark:
Well, he is killing himself.

George Findlay:
Yeah...he wants to say "bullshit," he can kill himself in late night.

Jay Sherrick:
We have a saying at Disney: Some of the best ideas are the derivative ones.

Nancy:
Like the old news adage says, with a dead body in the pool, and a hooker and a horse, you can f*** Canadian unity!

George Findlay:
That's well said. [Nancy leaves, George addresses Mark]. That was well said by her.

Mark:
Well, yeah.

George Findlay:
Thank God we didn't say it.