The Old Dark House

Rebecca Femm:
They were all godless here. They used to bring their women here - brazen, lolling creatures in silks and satins. They filled the house with laughter and sin, laughter and sin. And if I ever went down among them, my own father and brothers - they would tell me to go away and pray, and I prayed - and left them with their lustful red and white women.

Horace Femm:
The fact is, Morgan is an uncivilized brute. Sometimes he drinks heavily. A night like this will set him going and once he's drunk he's rather dangerous.

Horace Femm:
It's only gin, you know. Only gin. I like gin.

[repeated line]

Horace Femm:
Have a potato.

Sir William Porterhouse:
Oh, nothing like roast beef when a man's hungry. [sings] Oh, the roast beef of Old England... how does that go? Do you remember that Mr Waverton or was that before your time?

Philip Waverton:
Penderel's our song expert.

Sir William Porterhouse:
Oh, so you're musical, are you? Well, I've got a bit of a good ear myself...

Horace Femm:
[knocking loudly on the table] Have a potato!

Horace Femm:
[picking up a bunch of flowers] My sister was on the point of arranging these flowers. [He tosses them into the fire]

Rebecca Femm:
What is it? What do they want?

Horace Femm:
Allow me to introduce my sister, Miss Rebecca Femm.

Roger Penderel, Philip Waverton, Margaret Waverton:
How do you do?

Rebecca Femm:
What are they doing here? What do they want?

Roger Penderel, Philip Waverton, Margaret Waverton:
How do you do?

Rebecca Femm:
What did they say? What do they want? What are they doing here? What's all the fuss about? What?

Horace Femm:
You must excuse my sister, she's a little deaf. In fact sometimes quite deaf.

Margaret Waverton:
It's a dreadful night.

Rebecca Femm:
What?

Margaret Waverton:
I said it's a dreadful night.

Rebecca Femm:
Yes, it's a very old house. Very old.

Margaret Waverton:
It's very kind of you to let us stay.

Rebecca Femm:
What?

Margaret Waverton:
I say you're very kind.

Rebecca Femm:
Yes it is a dreadful night. I'm a little deaf.

Margaret Waverton:
I understand.

Rebecca Femm:
Yes. No beds!

Margaret Waverton:
Well, I know what I'm going to do. That is if Miss Femm will let me.

Rebecca Femm:
What?

Margaret Waverton:
I'm dreadfully wet and I'd be so glad if I could go and change my clothes.

Margaret Waverton:
What?

Rebecca Femm:
I wondered if I might go and change my things.

Margaret Waverton:
You look wet. You'd better go and change your things.

Horace Femm:
We make our own electric light here, and we are not very good at it. Pray, don't be alarmed if they go out altogether

Roger Penderel:
There's someone outside.

Rebecca Femm:
They can't come in!

Rebecca Femm:
No beds!

[Morgan slowly opens the door]

Morgan:
[groaning and muttering]

Roger Penderel:
Even Welsh ought not to sound like that!

Gladys DuCane:
I know wind when I see it.

Rebecca Femm:
[feels the fabric of Margaret Waverton's low-cut gown]... fine stuff, but it'll rot.

Rebecca Femm:
[touches Margaret's skin above the neckline]... finer stuff still, but it'll rot too!

Rebecca Femm:
Horace what are you doing? We aren't all heathens!

Horace Femm:
[Mockingly] Oh I had forgotten my sisters strange tribal habits. The beef will seem less tough when she has invoked a blessing upon it.

Rebecca Femm:
Horace Femm, if i cant hear i can see. You're blaspheming.

Horace Femm:
On the contrary, my dear Rebecca, I was merely telling your wondering guests that you were about to thank your Gods for their bounty.

Rebecca Femm:
That'll do... I know your mocking, lying tongue.

Horace Femm:
...To thank them for the Health and Prosperity and Happiness granted to this family, for its years of Peace and Plenty, to thank them for having created Rebecca Femm, and Roderick Femm, and Saul...

Rebecca Femm:
Stop!