The Original Latin Kings of Comedy

Joey Medina:
I admire American Indians so much. They so proud of their culture. if you insult their culture, they'll sue you. They will sue you and everybody in your family. They sued Crayola Crayons because Crayola has a crayon called what? Indian Red. And I'm a minority.I don't give a sh*t if they had "Lazy Brown." "Unemployed Black." "Can't-drive-for-sh*t Yellow." "Trailer Trash White." Make your f***ing crayons.

Paul Rodriguez:
Dying of heat exhaustion has got to be the dumbest thing you can do, 'cause there's no reason for it! take your ass to a supermarket. Lay on the frozen fish section.

Alex Reymundo:
El Paso, Texas. Beautiful, beautiful city. looks like dirt from the airplane, but it's a beautiful city. Your town slogan should be "El Paso: just add water!"

Cheech Marin:
I've been walking around the streets of El Paso. And everybody's really friendly and they want autographs. I posed for a million pictures, Except everybody thinks they're in show business. This one 'cholo' hanging around the bus says, "Hey, sabes que? I can do impressions." Oh that's cool..."No,no, hey, vato, I can do impressions. Want to hear a dog?" yeah, alright, let me hear your dog. "Bow wow wow wow wow!" Uh, oh, yeah, that's great man, okay..."No, hey, you want to hear a cat?" Sure, I want to hare a cat. "Meow ,meow, meow." Uh, that;s great. "Hey, want to hear a wolf?" Okay, man, let's hear a wolf. "Well, I don't really do it. My grandmother does it. Mira, abuelita, ven pa aca. Mira. grandma, how long's it been since you had sex?" "Whooooo!"

George Lopez:
We do everything by memory; all latinos. It's all memory. "Remember that time we went..."You 'member! 'Member'? You got drunk and threw-up outside. Uou 'member. 'Member?" We don't have pictures, we just never develop the film.