The Paragon of Comedy

Ray:
This is my dog, Shadow. Umm... Shadow's like... well... Shadow's like, dead, you know? But I'm keeping him around so that I can like... watch him reincarnate. [points finger at Shadow] Stay.

[Richard enters and slams the door]

Richard Burton:
Did I wake you, darling? Sleeping off this morning's smorgasboard?

Elizabeth Taylor:
Richard, is that you?

Richard Burton:
No, it's Conrad Hilton, it's Micheal Wilding, it's Micheal Todd, it's Eddie Fisher, it's John Warner... of *course* it's me!

Elizabeth Taylor:
So, you *are* drinking again! I'm producing this play, and I told you no drinking before a performance!

Richard Burton:
I'd hardly call what we're doing 'performing', darling, or haven't you read the reviews?

Elizabeth Taylor:
*F**** the reviewers!

Richard Burton:
Well, obviously that didn't do any good.