The PJs

Thurgood Stubbs:
What on Eartha Kitt?

Thurgood Stubbs:
Whitney Houston, we have a problem.

Thurgood Stubbs:
Just goes to show I don't have to go to the hospital to get positive results!

Thurgood Stubbs:
Halt! Who goes there?

Smokey:
Not me. I went behind the dumpster, like a gentleman.

Thurgood Stubbs:
I don't believe it! She conned me! She conned! She conned! She chaka-con, she chaka-con, she chaka-co-onned me!

Muriel Stubbs:
I feel for you.

Mrs. Avery:
[after Muriel lies about Thurgood's death in order to get her to leave the apartment so Thurgood can spray for roaches] Hot Diggety! Ha! I'm gonna party like it's 1939! I got to find me a way to celebrate! [leaves the appartment]

Thurgood Stubbs:
Halle-Berry-jujah! [sneaks in]

[Thurgood speaks as sweetly as he can]

Thurgood Stubbs:
Oh, Mrs. Avery! I've got a surprise for you!

Mrs. Avery:
[sing-song through the door] Better stop singing or I'll pump you full of lead!

Mrs. Avery:
[C*cks her shotgun at BeBe when she picks up the dustbuster] Drop it, or I'll blow ya straight to Jesus!

Thurgood Stubbs:
Looks like that frog channel finally ran out of money.

[Thurgood is in the hospital]

County Hospital Doctor:
Mr. Stubbs, you had a mild cardiac episode, which we belive was due to prolonged hypertension.

Thurgood Stubbs:
Give it to me in English, Doc.

County Hospital Doctor:
You have very high blood pressure.

Thurgood Stubbs:
[still doesn't understand] Hey look, we didn't all go to DeVry, all right?

County Hospital Doctor:
[rolls his eyes, then talks in condescending voice] Okay... your blood is bad, especially when you get mad! And if you die, you'll be very, very sad. Okay?

Thurgood Stubbs:
Now, was that so hard?

Thurgood Stubbs:
What did you flush down the toilet.

Haiti Lady:
Just cotton balls.

Thurgood Stubbs:
[pulls out Goat's head] This is a Goat's Head!

Haiti Lady:
Cotton Balls was his name.

[there's a knock on Thurgood's door during a terrible heatwave]

Thurgood Stubbs:
If it ain't the heat, it's the stupidity...

[opens door]

Mrs. Avery:
[points cane at Thurgood] Super! It's too hot! When you gonna turn down the furnace?

Thurgood Stubbs:
The furnace ain't on, it's the middle of summer, you crazy old bat!

Mrs. Avery:
Then when you gonna fix my calendar?

Thurgood Stubbs:
Now, what the hell you buy a calendar for? You ain't gonna get to finish it!

[slams door in her face]

Thurgood Stubbs:
Here's your air conditioner Mrs. Avery. All the way from HUD!

Mrs. Avery:
I Don't need it. My Calendar says it's February.

Thurgood Stubbs:
Well, Your calendar says it's 1978.

Mrs. Avery:
Oh good! The Jeffersons is on! Now get that thing outta my sight!

Thurgood Stubbs:
[the tenants are arguing over who gets to use the new high-tech toilet first] I got shotgun!

Mrs. Avery:
[reveals and c*cks a shotgun] No... I got shotgun!

Walter Burkett:
Good afternoon, and welcome to the first annual Hilton Jacobs Gumbo Cook-off! Sponsored by Ho's Chinese Chow and Chow's Chinese Hos: an hour later, you'll be hungry for more, and dim sum!

Haiti Lady:
I'll bet the Devil himself couldn't make a better gumbo!

Thurgood Stubbs:
[pleased] You think so?

Haiti Lady:
I could ask.

Thurgoode Orenthal Stubbs:
[after seeing a Squad assembled of their Neighbours] This is the A Team?

Walter Burkett:
Er... The A-Team had a previous engagement.

Thurgoode Orenthal Stubbs:
The B Team?

Walter Burkett:
Let's just say they're in the first half of the Alphabet and leave it and that.

Mrs. Avery:
[after seeing all the toilet paper when they raid HUD for the water filters] Holy Sheets...

Thurgood Stubbs:
[after seeing Smokey tossed around in the storm and being blown into the window] Aah! There's a gremlin on the wing! [Calvin and Juicy scream, Smokey passes by] That scared the Shatner out of me!

Holy Moses Malone!