The Return of Count Yorga

Mrs. Nelson:
Where are your fangs?

Count Yorga:
Where are your manners?

Boy:
[playing piano badly] You like this kind of music?

Count Yorga:
Only when played well.

Rev. Thomas:
At a time like this even Jesus Christ would fabricate his intentions.

Cynthia Nelson:
How were you able to get here with the bridge out?

Count Yorga:
I flew.

Cynthia Nelson:
No, really.

Count Yorga:
I recently acquired the old Gateway mansion.

Cynthia Nelson:
You're kidding. Then we're practically neighbors. I love that place. Whenever I can't sleep I often jump in my car and drive there just to look at it.

Count Yorga:
Yes, I know.

Cynthia Nelson:
Oh?

Count Yorga:
You look magnificently beautiful in the moonlight.

Count Yorga:
Unfortunately, I find it difficult to evaluate life and love on the basis of purity. However, truth, cold, unemotional truth, one's loss of innocence holds it. Excuse me, I should be telling you over and over again how elegantly beautiful you are. Instead, my cynical philosophy jumps to defend itself.

Ellen Nelson:
Don't you sense a strangeness. An unwanted curiosity?

Professor Rightstat:
[having a senior moment] Yoga? Yoga? Oh, no,no,no,no,no, I don't believe in Yoga. Oh, sheer poppycock! Tried it once about 40 years ago. Got stuck in one of those locus positions. Took three men to unwind my body. Well, what's that got to do with vampires? You haven't read my book.

Count Yorga:
Cynthia, I have survived many, many years. Now you appear. A most fragile emotion known has entered my life. And I must fear the most, for it will surely threaten my ability to survive. You, Cynthia, have brought to my life a gentle pain I can only define as love. Can you love me?

Dr. David Baldwin:
Let Reverend Thomas go to the door, work his way in. Do something to keep the Count occupied. Talk about fund raising or some damn thing, I don't know, anything to distract him while we find another way in and search the place.

Lieutenant Madden:
That's a very ingenious plan. Unique.

Rev. Thomas:
[Rev. Thomas is sinking into the bog] You... you... you lead me to this, this was your purpose! In the name of God, man, please. You devil! You vampire! You never intended donating that money! You sick, tormented monster. You'll never get away with this. [produces crucifix] There. There, you madman! How do you like that? *Gurgle*

Count Yorga:
Dr Baldwin, this is Count Yorga. You are going to die. You are going to die a most horrible death! You've been a fool, doctor, and now you are to die! [maniacal laughter]

Count Yorga:
I could destroy you; or turn you into the living dead... Or I could let you go.

Cynthia Nelson:
Let me go.

Lieutenant Madden:
Nobody plays hero,the first one who finds the vampire screams his ass off!.

Sgt. O'Connor:
What are we running for?

Lieutenant Madden:
Cuz we're scared!