The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause

Jack Frost:
I INVENTED CHILL!

Jack Frost:
Would you like to be my elf?

Jack Frost:
Excuse me... Did you just accuse me of being skillful and delicious? Guilty as charged.

Jack Frost:
[to Scott] You get the Coca-Cola cans, you get the TV specials and what do I get? A few runny noses and some dead citrus.

Jack Frost:
You're not Santa anymore. You're just a guy who smells like a cookie.

His time at the North Pole is about to go South.

'Twas the fight before Christmas

Curtis:
Sir! Sir!

Scott:
Curtis, stop. If you're gonna tell me that your entire facility is ruin and Christmas is tomorrow and for the first time in history, all the kids in the world won't get their gifts because I failed them, stop it! I can't handle one more piece of bad news.

Curtis:
Well, then, good news, sir.

Scott:
What?

Curtis:
Your pants is on fire.

Jack:
[after Santa's pants catch on fire] Is there anything I can do?

Scott:
Yeah, put a chill on my bottom, will you?

Sylvia:
Everyone's just so petite.

Bud:
No, Tom Cruise is petite, these guys are short! What's the deal?

Scott:
Have you ever been to this part of Canada?

Bud:
We got as far as Rochester in upstate New York to see Syliva's sister in '67, but no.

Scott:
They can't help the way they look up here. It's a bit rude to make fun of an entire country, don't you think?

Mother Nature:
Jack Frost, you are hereby charged with 273 counts of attempted upstaging of Santa Claus. You froze a volcano in Hawaii. You made it snow in the Amazon. And you frosted Mexico, sending all of the geese North for the winter. You have violated the Legendary Figures Code of Conduct in a manner that is both willful and malicious.

Jack:
Excuse me... Did you just accuse me of being skillful and delicious.

Scott:
Oh, please.

Jack:
Guilty as charged.

Father Time:
Frost, you herald a season. You're not a holiday.

Tooth Fairy:
You're the best friend, not the leading man.

Easter Bunny:
And you kill fruit.

Scott:
I thought the idea was to give them the sleeping powder when we got them in the car.

Sandman:
I just couldn't listen to the Yosemite story again.

Lucy:
[skips around the workshop, passes Santa's secret snow globe stash; notices Jack Frost emerging from it with Santa's snow globe in hand] That's Uncle Scott's snow globe. You're not supposed to have it.

Jack:
I know. Isn't it great?

Lucy:
It's not great at all. You've done a terrible thing. You'll be on the naughty list for the rest of your life.

Jack:
But naughty list people have more fun.

Lucy:
I'm calling for help.

Jack:
I wouldn't do that.

Lucy:
[walks back out to the workshop; calls out parents] Mom! Dad! Over here! Quick! [Lucy's parents rush into Santa's secret snow globe stash not knowing Jack is behind the door, which he closes]

Neil:
Lucy, what's wrong?

Jack:
I told you not to do that.

Lucy:
Jack Frost took Uncle Scott's snow globe and he knows it's not his! [Jack blows his frost on parents; Lucy screams] Stop! Stop! No! [Jack stops blowing; parents are completely frozen] What did you do?!

Jack:
I froze them! [inhales; pauses] Now am I going to have to the same thing to you, or are you going in that closet and not say a word? [Lucy unwillingly makes her choice, and walks into the closet with her frozen parents] Smart girl. Oh, smile, will ya? I've had kids beg me to freeze their parents. And to think I asked you to be my elf. [closes closet with Lucy and her parents in it]

Jack:
Yeah, and…?

Scott:
Elfficers! I have him! [to Jack] Jack, this isn't funny! Unfreeze the parents right now!

Jack:
No way, Claus. I can't unfreeze them without unfreezing myself and that is something I'll never do.

Scott:
Mother Nature, help me out. Can you thaw him out?

Mother Nature:
I'm sorry, Santa. My powers don't work on other legendary figures.

Jack:
Isn't that a shame? [chuckles]

Scott:
[Looks at Lucy & walks to her] What do you say, Luce?

Lucy:
Do you think it'll work?

Scott:
The question is you.

[Lucy looks at Scott, hands over the snow globe & walked to Frost]

Jack:
OK. This is what you're reduced to. Sending a little girl in to save the day? What are you going to do, adorablise me? Sweet me into submission? Cute me to death? Make me change my [Lucy hugs him] WAYYYYY.... [starts heating up] Hey, I feel so strange. I feel so slushy inside. [purrs] Do I smell suntan lotion? I feel so tropical. Miguel, dos platos de nachos, por favor? What's happening to me?!

Lucy:
I'm warming your heart.

Jack:
But they told me it couldn't be done.

Lucy:
But they didn't know about magical hugs.

[Everyone watches Jack Frost warming up as his appearance starts to change]

Jack:
[smiles] I think I like it.

[Everyone looks as the ice starts to thaw off the Millers & causing them to be unfrozen]

Lucy:
Mom, Dad!

Laura:
Lucy!

Lucy:
Mom! Dad!

Neil:
Group hug!

[Everyone joins in for a group hug]

Neil:
Feel the love.

Laura:
Yes.

[Everyone is proud and happy that Neil & Laura Miller are unfrozen; Scott & Carol kiss; reformed Jack Frost laughs and weeps happily in group hug.]

Mrs. Clause:
[baby is about to be born] Oh Scott, I think it's time.

Scott:
Oh, about 10:00.

Mrs. Clause:
No, I think it's time to deliver the package.

Scott:
Midnight as usual.

Mrs. Clause:
No, I think it's time to deliver the "package".

Scott:
[looks down at Carol's abdomen, then suddenly raises his head and widens his eyes in slightly alarmed realization] IT'S TIME TO DELIVER THE PACKAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!!

Jack Frost:
No one even thanks you for all the effort.

Scott:
What do you mean "no thank yous"? What about all the presents, the cookies and the milk? This junk is not what Christmas is about.

Jack:
Chococinos anyone?

Sylvia:
Oh, yes. [Jack pulls out her chair; sits down]

Jack:
[handing her a cup] I hope you like it. It's my special recipe [they both sip their cups].

Sylvia:
Mmm, minty.

Jack:
Doesn't it make you feel refresh?

Sylvia:
Yes, it does! [drinks some more]

Jack:
Oh my, I just love your hair.

Sylvia:
You do?

Jack:
Yeah, I do.

Sylvia:
I love yours.

Jack:
You do?

Sylvia:
Yeah, I do. I've never seen anything like it.

Jack:
Oh, you're so adorable. You divine little kitten you. [woofs flirtatiously; Sylvia giggles] I bet you can sing.

Sylvia:
No, no, no, no, no.

Jack:
Oh, come on, I bet you can sing.

Sylvia:
Mmm, a little.

Jack:
I knew it! I knew it! Sing something for me.

Sylvia:
What do you want to hear?

Jack:
How about [singing] chestnuts roasting on an open fire.

Sylvia:
[singing] Jack Frost nipping at your nose. [continues singing rest of the lyrics]

Jack:
No, no. Go back to the other line, the one before the first one.

Sylvia:
[singing] Jack Frost nipping at your nose.

Jack:
Ooh, it gives me the chills.

Sylvia:
[singing] Jack Frost nipping at your nose.

Jack:
Oh, what a lyric! [Carol walks in]

Carol:
Hey, guys, what's going on?

Jack Frost:
[excitedly] Your mother is fabulous! [Sylvia playfully pinches his nose] Would you like to be my elf?

Sylvia:
Huh?

Jack:
You heard me.

Mrs. Clause:
And then the most magical thing of all is that I got to deliver just before Santa had to deliver.

[Scott walks in with his baby boy.]

Scott:
Are you telling the stories again?

[The crowd sees Scott's Baby Boy.]

Elves:
So cute.

Scott:
Make sure you get to the part about Santa changing a mean diaper.

[The Elves laughed]

Child Elf:
So who got to pick out the name?

Mrs. Clause:
That was easy. We named him after his grandpa.

Scott:
That's right. Say hello to... Buddy Claus.

[First lines]

Mrs. Clause:
All right, class, if a reindeer leaves Elfsburg flying west at 20 miles per hour, and another reindeer flies east travelling at 50 miles per hour, how many hours does it take for them to be 210 miles apart? Anyone? Anyone? [One elf raises her hand] Trish.

Trish:
How come we can't learn things we want to?

Mrs. Clause:
Like what?

Trish:
Like... Was it weird when you married Santa and had to move up to the Pole and give up your old life?

Mrs. Clause:
Weirder than you can possibly imagine. But then something so gigantic happened that it changed Santa and me forever.

Trish:
Like what?

Mrs. Clause:
...Okay.

Carol:
[laughs] Come here.

Scott:
Okay.

Carol:
Ready? Wait for the kick.

Scott:
She's brilliant like her mother with rhythm like her dad.

Carol:
Yes. But, not amazing timing. I wish that the baby had come this afternoon, or last week like we thought. I'm going crazy. I mean, I'm really going crazy.

Scott:
Uh, you need a diversion.

Carol:
No, no, Scott. No more gifts. You already gave me a birthstone necklace, oven mitts, the cheese wheel.

Scott:
Well, this is not for you. This is for the baby. I'll be back in a jiff. Ho ho! Ho!

[leaves the room and comes back through the fireplace]

[he holds a big bag and then pulls a much smaller one out of it. He then opens smaller bag and a baby mobile magically appears]

Carol:
Oh, Scott! Oh, honey, it's beautiful! The baby's gonna love it.

Scott:
Yeah. It spins around like this.