The Search for John Gissing

Matthew Barnes:
Business is the new war. My generation - we didn't have a battle to fight. We were the fortunate ones. No World War II. Missed Vietnam. Too old for Desert Storm. So this - my career and what I make of my life - is the battle of my life. This is my war. And the enemy has a nun that's willing to "blow" me.

[first lines]

Matthew Barnes:
The fact that we weren't met at Heathrow was frustrating, I can't deny that. But when you work for one of these international conglomerates like I do you kind of expect that every now and then there'll be a paper jam that takes your life along with it.

[last lines]

Matthew Barnes:
The truth is I don't know what my war is, I don't know what's on the horizon. I just know that for this one moment here, for the first time in a long time, everything has worked out wonderfully.

Matthew Barnes:
This can go one of two ways. I can give you fifty pounds, or I can tell you a really good story about life and people and the hollow, hungry, heartless times that you and I are living in.

Donny:
I'll have to go with the fifty quid.

Matthew Barnes:
I could have phoned that one in from the couch.

Linda Barnes:
I don't like that guy.

Matthew Barnes:
Who, Fuller? He's just French. I'm sure normally he's a nice guy.

Linda Barnes:
Yeah, I'm sure he's a saint.

John Gissing:
I've had two wives, three children, each with a corner of their hearts that I'm not allowed to visit.

Francois Fuller:
I never had to wait an hour for a meeting in my life! Well, once, but the man was shot in the back of the head.

Matthew Barnes:
[on the phone] Mother. We are fine!

Linda Barnes:
No! No! You cannot use the word "fine" until we get you a dictionary and you learn the meaning of "fine" 'cause you confuse it with the word "f***ed." We are "f***ed" my friend. Not "fine." F***ed.

Linda Barnes:
What did he say?

Matthew Barnes:
What did he say? He said your brother is a loser and a stoner.

Francois Fuller:
This is my chair, I brought it from France, and I don't want anyone to sit in it. My chair!

Linda Barnes:
I've gotta ask you a question, and it's a simple question so don't get angry. Why would you come to another country with so little cash?

Matthew Barnes:
Why? A, Because the cash I do have doesn't work in this bizarro country, Ok? And B, because I was given information by a psycho a**hole who basically said he was going to pick me up and ferret my dizzy ass around London. So I didn't need any cash. That's why. How about you, Travel dot com? What's your excuse? How come don't have any cash on you?

Linda Barnes:
Oh my God! What did I say before we left the house? I said Hey Mat, should I go to the bank and get some cash? And you said no, we won't need any cash because I've got a psycho a**hole who's going to ferret my dizzy ass all around London. We don't need cash.

Matthew Barnes:
Ok. Fine. You said that. Ok.

Linda Barnes:
Why didn't you just say it was John Gissing? Because you don't want to look bad?

Matthew Barnes:
Honey, the man just got a toilet's eye view of my ass, how much worse could I look?

John Gissing:
The fact is, you'll be me before you know it. One day, not too far down the road, they'll suddenly call up your number and hand it to someone else. And when that day comes, I promise you this, you won't be there to pick the little f***er up at the airport.

John Gissing:
Are they in Hannigan's office? Gwyneth and Fuller and that lot?

Matthew Barnes:
Yeah. Hannigan's office, yeah.

John Gissing:
And Fuller's office is empty?

Matthew Barnes:
Yeah.

John Gissing:
Good, because I have to go and urinate in that chair of his.

Matthew Barnes:
Good. Ok, you do that.

Matthew Barnes:
You know what's a word we don't use a lot, and it's a shame because it's a good word. Buggered.

John Gissing:
Really? You don't use that word?

Matthew Barnes:
Never caught on with the Americans. Too bad, cause it's a good word, a good multipurpose word. You guys use it to describe sex, right?

John Gissing:
One particular variation, yes.

Matthew Barnes:
And for getting screwed over? Like in this case here it would be correct for me to say John, you really buggered me.