The Second Coming

Stephen Baxter:
You, are becoming Gods. There's a new master of creation, and it's you! Unraveled DNA, and at the same time you're cultivating bacteria strong enough to kill every living thing! Do you think you are ready for that much power? You lot? You lot? Cheeky bastards. You're running around science like kids with guns, creating a new world, while the world you've got is stinking, but, hands up, hands up anyone who thinks you've got it right. Yeah, there's always one. I can see you. If you want the position of God then take the responsibility.

Judith Roach:
Do you love me?

Stephen Baxter:
Yeah.

Judith Roach:
Are you the son of God?

Stephen Baxter:
Yeah.

Male driver:
Here mate, are you alright? Can you tell me who you are?

[Steve grabs the man]

Stephen Baxter:
[whispers] I'm the son of God.

Male driver:
Yeah, and I'm the Queen of Sheba.

Johnny Tyler:
When judgement day comes; the Lord our God in heaven will find Stephen Baxter the man, and judge him a sinner. [laughs] The Son of God will be sent to reign over hell. He's almost with us now. Just one more push; thanks to you.

Judith Roach:
What have I done?

Johnny Tyler:
Lust.

Judith Roach:
It's more than that. It's better then that.

Johnny Tyler:
Does he love you? Sweet. Do you love him?

Judith Roach:
Yes.

Johnny Tyler:
That's when the devil gets thee in.

Stephen Baxter:
I know what you're like. I've been you. Knowing there is great evil and doing nothing about it. Keeping my head down, giving a quid to charity, signing a petition, joking about it down the pub, but doing nothing. Even now I want to do nothing, I want to go home, shut the door and pretend that nothing is happening. But I can't - because I was born the son of God. The son of God came to you before and gave you a testament, but you did nothing. This time, there'll be a third testament. A guide to living your lives today, and it will be written by you. In one week, I will be given the third testament, then we'll start again, every country, every religion. And, don't argue. All you Christians out there, don't say "We were right." Because I've seen what you've done. You stupid, stupid people. You've finally did it, I've seen it. Heaven is empty, while hell is bursting to the seams.

Stephen Baxter:
I am salvation, and I'm taking you forward - all of you. A brand new gospel for the entire human race, coming soon. Stay tuned.

Stephen Baxter:
It's like my brain's too small to hold it all in. Divinity sorta downloads in little bits.

Stephen Baxter:
How does that song go? The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades. [he puts the glasses on, and a bright light engulfs the stadium]

Johnny Tyler:
Evil is so lazy. God's got everything- life and love- and we're the opposite. We've got nothing.

[Steve has nearly been run over]

Woman Driver:
Jesus Christ!

Peter Gupta:
You'll have no trouble gettin' a shag! There's women off the internet beggin' to sleep wi yer.

[Steve is on TV talking to the masses]

Stephen Baxter:
Do you think you are ready for that much power? You lot? You lot? You cheeky bastards!

[the TV cuts out]

Peter Gupta:
They've taken him off! Stan, ITV!

Stan Lynch:
[impressed] He swore! Two o'clock, BBC One! He *swore*!

Stephen Baxter:
God is real, fact. Heaven is real, fact. Hell is real, and its fires are awaiting.

Johnny Tyler:
Just the one then gotta go?

Judith Roach:
Who says I'm going?

Johnny Tyler:
They usually do. Nice to see ya, never mind, bye.

Johnny Tyler:
After thirty you just keep piling on.

Judith Roach:
If it's any consolation I'm not exactly Kate Moss.

Johnny Tyler:
Nah, you look gorgeous. Surprised you're using the agency. Can't be short of offers.

[pause]

Johnny Tyler:
Divorced.

Judith Roach:
Yeah.

Johnny Tyler:
Must be an idiot.

Judith Roach:
I think he is, yeah.