The Singles Ward

Hyrum:
Jon, we need you to give us a ride.

Jonathan:
I can't, I have a gig in, like, five minutes.

Hyrum:
Come on, man, it's just to the stake center.

Jonathan:
Why can't Zak take you.

Dallin:
He took his car bungee jumping.

Jonathan:
Well, when will he be back?

Eldon:
No, you don't understand. He took his CAR bungee-jumping.

Eldon:
I've been dancing with this girl, Julia.

Dallin:
Oh flip, dude, she's a cutie.

Eldon:
Yeah, but she uses a DayTimer, and I'm not sure how I feel about that.

[about the girls at a ward party]

Eldon:
What do you care? You're going on a mission.

Dallin:
I need someone to write to me.

Eldon:
Dallin, I've seen your grades, you need somebody to read to you.

DeVerl:
And how are you sisters this fine afternoon, relief society good today?

DeVerl:
[to girls] How are you sweet spirits tonight?

DeVerl:
[to a girl] Hi, my name is DeVerl. [getting closer] Didn't I uh, see you at the hay ride last week?

Cammie:
So you brought the fried chicken?

Jonathan:
Yes, it's a family recipe. It's been in my family for years.

Cammie:
Nice try, I worked at KFC for two summers during high school.

An Airline Passenger:
Look, pal, you want to get married? Try a singles ward.

[Hyrum and Dallin are inhaling helium from balloons left by a girl for the Preference Dance]

Dallin:
Papa Smurf! Papa Smurf! This came out of the balloon! It looks like another piece to the PUZZLE!

Jonathan:
Oh yeah, sure! Let's make fun of the *Mormons*!

Brother Niner:
Let me reiterate what Brigham Young said: if you're 25 years old and unmarried, you're a menace to society. Just something for everybody to ponder.