The Smurfs 2

[from trailer]

Papa:
It doesn't matter where you came from. What matters is who you choose to be.

Papa:
Listen up, smurfs. I saved water form the last blue moon for just such an occasion. I was able to smurf it into these smurf-portation crystals.

Brainy Smurf:
Oh, so you don't need a portal. Very clever, Papa.

Papa:
Smurf-xactly.

Grouchy Smurf:
Every time a smurf toots, someone smiles.

Grouchy Smurf:
This was supposed to be Hefty.

Clumsy Smurf:
Sorry, my bad.

Vanity Smurf:
I get so puffy when I travel.

[Smurfette wakes up from her nightmare and she starts to cry. Papa rushes in.]

Papa Smurf:
Smurfette, are you okay?

Smurfette:
Oh, Papa.

Papa:
[hugs Smurfette] There, there. Everything's going to be fine. Having that nightmare again?

Smurfette:
Papa, every year on my birthday, I have these horrible dreams about where I come from and it... it makes me wonder who I really am.

Papa:
And every year, I remind you - it doesn't matter where you came from, what matters is who you choose to be.

Smurfette:
Really?

Papa:
Oh, don't take this old smurf's word for it. Go out there and see for yourself. This is where you belong.

Vexy:
Father? It's feeding time.

Hackus:
[wearily] Hackus dizzy.

Gargamel:
Oh, yes, I almost forgot. Apparently, I have to keep you alive. I hope you both appreciate what a tremendous burden this is upon me. [feeds Vexy and Hackus drops of Smurf essence] All right, mind your manners.

Vexy:
Thank you.

Gargamel:
If you were real Smurfs, I'd be taking essence from you. [pause] I didn't hear a "thank you".

[Hackus burps]

Gargamel:
Close enough.

Papa:
All right, Smurfs, listen up. I saved enough grotto water from the last blue moon for just such an occasion. I was able to smurf it into smurfportation crystals.

Brainy Smurf:
So you don't need a portal. Very clever, Papa.

Papa:
Smurf-xactly. These will take us directly to Master Winslow's mushroom.

Clumsy Smurf:
Yeah, Patrick and Grace helped us the last time we smurfed through the portal.

[Clumsy, Grouchy and Vanity are magically transported to New York, after accidentally swallowing the smurfportation crystals.]

Grouchy Smurf:
This was supposed to be Hefty.

Clumsy:
Sorry, my bad.

Vanity Smurf:
Ugh, I get so puffy when I travel.

[The Smurfs climb up a rope during Gargamel's magic show.]

Vanity:
Oh, I bet my glutes look great climbing up this rope. Grouchy, take a look.

Grouchy:
I hate my life.

[Victor, Patrick and Blue walk out of the theater; Victor has been turned into a duck by Gargamel.]

Victor:
What are you so cross about? I'm the duck!

Patrick:
You always barge in and ruin everything. You're like a walking disaster!

Victor:
Hey, look me in the eyes and say that!

Patrick:
I can't.

Victor:
That's right, because it's not true!

Patrick:
No I can't, because your eyes are on the sides of your head!

Victor:
Ack! All the better for me to see your disrespect! [notices two people staring at him] What are you looking at?

Patrick:
[to Victor] Hurry up.

Victor:
[to the two people] It's global warming. Buy a Prius!

[Vexy walks to Smurfette.]

Vexy:
Hey blondy! Where're you going?

Smurfette:
Leave me alone!

Vexy:
You mean like you so called "Papa" has?

Smurfette:
No, he hasn't. He will come for me.

Vexy:
[laughs] He won't. Because he knows you where you really belong. I didn't kidnapped you, Smurfette. I brought you home.

Vexy:
It's so nice having another girl around.

Smurfette:
Yeah! [hugs Vexy] Oh!

Vexy:
[pushing Smurfette away in disgust] Yecch! What are you doing?!

Smurfette:
I'm just hugging you. [gasps] Haven't you ever been hugged?

[Vexy is silent and visibly sad.]

Smurfette:
Vexy... [hugs Vexy again, and Vexy starts to enjoy it]

[Gargamel, Hackus, Vexy and Smurfette are riding through Paris on a Ferris Wheel magicked loose by Smurfette.]

Smurfette:
Isn't this fun?

Gargamel:
[frightened] Decidedly not!

Papa:
I must've failed (Smurfette).

Patrick:
[walks in] Oh...Sorry, I was looking for a place to think.

Papa:
No, no, no, no. It's okay. I was doing a little thinking myself. Master Winlslow, it's hard for me but...well, can I ask you some advice? I mean, papa-to-papa? It's about Smurfette. [Patrick sits down and listens] I don't know what to do. I turned her blue. I taught her love and kindness. But the truth is, Gargamel made her. She's only a Smurf as long as she chooses to be. But what if she doesn't? What if she choose him? We could lose her. We may have already. I haven't done enough.

Patrick:
Are you kidding? Gargamel just made her, but you...you made her what she is. You stepped in and loved her as your very own. No-one asked you to, you just did. Because you knew she needed that. And that's a...that's a pretty special kind of love. She's way too smart not to see that.

Papa:
[enlightened by what Patrick said] You're right. We didn't believe in her because she changed. She changed because we believed in her. Thank you, Master Winslow. That was exactly what I needed to hear. [leaves]

Patrick:
[to himself] Me too.

[Victor approaches Patrick, who is struggling to lift a sewer cover to Gargamel's lair]

Patrick:
Victor, what are you doing here?

Victor:
Grace called me. She said you might need a hand.

[Patrick ignores him and continues trying to lift the sewer cover. Victor begins to walk away]

Patrick:
No, no. Victor, wait! [Victor stops] As usual, Grace is right. I could use some help.

Victor:
[pointing in a different direction] Well, for starters, you might try lifting the sewer cover. [points at the cover Patrick is trying to lift] Unless you're planning on fixing the phone lines?

[Patrick realizes the sewer cover he is trying to lift is a telephone cover and sighs in frustration.]

Victor:
I'm gonna miss you, Smurfs.

Patrick:
[to Victor] Maybe you can name a corn dog after them.

Victor:
Oh! Now you're talking. [to Blue] We could use blue corn!

Blue:
Smurf dogs! Yum!

Victor:
Yes!

[In the mid-credits scene]

Gargamel:
[falling from the sky] No no no no no! Stop, stop! Help me, Wanda! Help, Help me, Wanda!

Azrael:
[meowing] So long sucker! [as he jumped off of Gargamel he grabs him]

Gargamel:
[grabs Azrael] And where do you think you're going?! You're coming with me! [he falls in the portal starting the rest of the credits]

[In the end-credits scene]

[last lines]

Azrael:
[after a cellphone falls on his head; meowing furiously] You moron!

Gargamel:
[gasps] How dare you call me that?! I have bungled nothing! [as Azrael gets off him] Well then, Paris is over my friend, because we're back here in the Dark Ages and I suggest you get used to it.

Azrael:
[meowing whining] I want room service!

Gargamel:
[sarcastically] Aw, you want room service? Then why don't you tell it out the window?!

Azrael:
[meowing angrily] You asked for it! [shows claws as Gargamel gives him a warning]

Gargamel:
[gasps] Don't you show your claws at me unless you are prepared to use them, Mr. P*ssy foot! P*ssy foot! P*ssy foot! P*ssy foot [as Azrael got angry at Gargamel for calling him p*ssy foot, he attacks him and Gargamel screams] Stop it! Not the face! Not the face! [He falls down cutting to the Columbia Pictures logo ending the movie with the MPAA rating]

Papa Smurf:
All right, Smurfs, listen up. I saved enough grotto water from the last Blue Moon for just such an occasion. I was able to Smurf it into Smurfportation crystals.

Brainy Smurf:
So you don't need a portal. Very clever, Papa.

Papa:
Smurfxactly. These will take us directly to Master Winslow's mushroom.

Clumsy Smurf:
Yeah, Patrick and Grace helped us the last time we Smurfed through the portal.

Brainy:
Precisely! They'll know what to do.

Handy Smurf:
Sign me up!

Farmer Smurf:
Sign me up!

Baker Smurf:
Did someone say "Baker should go"?

Vanity Smurf:
I would rather not.

Clumsy:
Pick me! Pick me!

Papa:
Now, now, Smurfs. I only had water enough for 9 crystals. [Brainy is seen taking notes] That's me and 3 others 'round trip, plus Smurfette on the way home.

Grouchy Smurf:
Assuming you can find her, which you won't.

Clumsy:
Aw, that's not a very Smurfy attitude, Grouchy. [accidentally knocks over glass bottles]

Grouchy:
Actually, for me, that was pretty good.

Papa:
[Clumsy tries to pick up the bottles] I'll need courage, intelligence, and strength. So, Gutsy...

Gutsy Smurf:
Aye!

Papa:
Brainy...

Brainy:
Of course.

Papa:
Hefty...

Hefty Smurf:
You got it!

Papa:
...you'll Smurf with me.

Passive-Aggressive Smurf:
Yeah, um, can I?

Papa:
Yes, Passive-Aggressive Smurf?

Passive-Aggressive:
[sarcastically] I think Brainy is...a really excellent choice. Good luck with that.

Brainy:
[the other Smurfs laugh] Ya see what he does? That's not a compliment!

Hefty:
Go figure.

Papa:
Okay, Hefty, take one.

Hefty:
Let's do this.

Clumsy:
[accidentally shoulder-bumps Papa] Go get 'em, guys!

[Hefty chokes on 3 crystals]

Brainy:
Clumsy!

Smurf voice #1:
Somebody do something!

Gutsy:
Stand back! I know the Smurflich maneuver! [squeezes Hefty tightly]

Clumsy:
Ohh...!

Farmer:
He doesn't look good.

Vanity:
Oh dear, he's turning bluer.

Grouchy:
Not good.

[Hefty coughs up the crystals]

Handy:
SOMEBODY GET MY HAMMER!!!

Grouchy:
Nice going, Clumsy. [chokes on a crystal]

Clumsy:
I got it!

Vanity:
Ho-ho-ho! Cheerio! [he and Clumsy choke on each crystal]

Grouchy:
This was supposed to be Hefty!

Clumsy:
Sorry, my bad.

Vanity:
Ugh, I get so puffy when I travel.

Papa:
Well, sometimes you gotta Smurf with the changes. [eats his crystal]

Gutsy:
[offscreen] Travel safe, Papa.

[Gargamel, Hackus, Vexy and Smurfette are riding through Paris on a Ferris Wheel magicked loose by Smurfette.]

Smurfette:
Isn't this fun?

Gargamel:
[frightened] Decidedly not!

Hackus:
Best ride ever! [To Gargamel] Smurfette's fun, huh?! [Gargamel gives a thumbs-up, while screaming in fright]