The Spanish Prisoner

Susan Ricci:
It shows to go you, you never know who anybody is.

Joe Ross:
Funny old world.

Susan Ricci:
Funny old world? Dog my cats!

Joe Ross:
Dog my cats indeed.

Jimmy Dell:
I'm a problem solver, with a heart of gold.

Detective Jones:
Nobody looks at a Japanese tourist.

George Lang:
Worry is like interest paid in advance on a debt that never comes due.

George Lang:
We must never forget that we are human, and as humans we dream, and when we dream we dream of money.

George Lang:
Nobody going on a business trip would have been missed if he never arrived.

George Lang:
Beware of all enterprises which require new clothes.

Jimmy Dell:
Always do business as if the person you're doing business with is trying to screw you, because he probably is. And if he's not, you can be pleasantly surprised.

Mr. Klein:
If we all do our jobs, we will each be rewarded according to our just desserts.

Susan Ricci:
Who in this world is what they seem to be? Who?

Susan Ricci:
You never know who anybody is, except me. I am who I am.

FBI Team Leader:
It's an interesting setup, Mr. Ross. It is the oldest confidence game on the books. The Spanish Prisoner. Fellow says him and his sister, wealthy refugees, left a fortune in the home country. He got out, girl and the money stuck in Spain. Here is her most beautiful portrait. And he needs money to get her and the fortune out. Man who supplies the money gets the fortune and the girl. Oldest con in the world.

George Lang:
How are things in the outer office?

Susan Ricci:
My troika was pursued by wolves.

George Lang:
It's a good thing this cookie arrived unscathed.

George Lang:
I put a thief in my mouth to steal my brain.

Susan Ricci:
Next time, be born Italian.

Jimmy Dell:
Good people, bad people, they generally look like what they are.

Jimmy Dell:
You now have a Swiss bank account if anybody asks. Cr?dit Nationale Du G?n?ve code name 'PADDY'. Lavish awkward gesture. All of fifteen Swiss Francs in it, but if you ever want to impress anybody, they can find out you have a Swiss account. But, Swiss law prohibits the bank from revealing the balance. Thus are all men made equal.

Jimmy Dell:
I think you'll find that if what you've done for them is as valuable as you say it is, if they are indebted to you morally but not legally, my experience is they will give you nothing, and they will begin to act cruelly toward you.

Joe Ross:
Why?

Jimmy Dell:
To suppress their guilt.

Joe Ross:
You could call me Joe.

Susan Ricci:
Yeah, long as I didn't take that as inducement to, you know, further intimacy.

[first lines]

Airport Security:
What is the purpose of your trip, please?

Joe Ross:
Business.

Airport Security:
Thank you and welcome to St. Est?phe.

Susan Ricci:
When you own the company, can I be Queen?

Jimmy Dell:
Do the American thing.

Joe Ross:
What's that?

Jimmy Dell:
Marry a rich widow.

Joe Ross:
We used to say, a nymphomaniac who owns a liquor store.

Joe Ross:
Stun gun? What if you missed?

United States Marshal:
Well then, it would be back to the range for me...

[last lines]

Susan Ricci:
[being arrested] Can you help me? You're the Boy Scout. Can I be your good deed for today? Can't you help me, Joe?

Joe Ross:
I'm afraid you're gonna have to spend some time in your room.

George Lang:
The Process. And by means of the Process, to control the global market.

Businessman 1:
And this Process is complete?

George Lang:
It's near completion.

Businessman 1:
"Near completion."

George Lang:
Very near. This team which Mr. Ross — the Team. The Team. And I think, if I may, uh, Mr. Klein, it would not be amiss to state that both the work and the inspiration for the process was —

Mr. Klein:
Thank you, George. I know you'll understand when I say that's neither here nor there. These gentlemen have come down to hear the good news.

Joe Ross:
The good news is control of the market.

[The Businessmen interrupt him.]

Joe Ross:
Obviously, we don't want to get too specific, for security reasons. So, my task today is to tell you those things which I can in laymen's language. I think I can break it down sufficiently to give you a pretty firm idea of —

Mr. Klein:
The Process, yes.

Businessman 2:
How long can we hold on to it before the competition steals it?

Mr. Klein:
Well, we defend it. Of course. Tooth and nail. This is a proprietary process.

[The Businessmen engage in cross-talk.]

Joe Ross:
Without the data, without our actual data, without the formula, the Japanese, or anyone else, for that matter, would have nothing. Should you give us the go-ahead, their actual — [He hesitates and looks at George.]

George Lang:
The legal issues are these. We have both the de facto and the de jure copyright of that process. It was developed by —

Joe Ross:
Even if they should engage in piracy, their search and development time —

George Lang:
— their catch-up time —

Joe Ross:
— would put them back — George?

George Lang:
Three?

Joe Ross:
Three to five years.

[Jimmy pulls a gun on Joe]

Joe Ross:
You don't have to do this.

Jimmy Dell:
I enjoy doing it, actually. But I appreciate your concern.