The Spectacular Spider-Man

Thug:
Get the freak!

[Green Goblin knocks out two other thugs before cornering Thug with the Goblin Glider]

Thug:
I mean... get the freak whatever he wants!

Green Goblin:
All I want is your undying loyalty. Or, the dying kind. The Green Goblin is nothing, if flexible...

Flash Thompson:
Unbelievable! The geeks are inheriting the earth!

Gwen Stacy:
Say, aren't you football star Peter Parker? How come you aren't hanging with your new friends?

Peter Parker:
'Cause I like my old friends. Look, I know you think that I've been acting like a jerk. I put taking photos for the Bugle before more important things, but I promise it won't happen again. So can you forgive me already?

Gwen Stacy:
You're forgiven. It would take too long to train anyone else.

Spider-Man:
Heheh. Good thing I refilled the web shooters. Oh, all webbed up and nowhere to go.

Sandman:
Heh. Who do you think I am? Flint Marko? [transforms himself into sand and slides through the web]

Sandman:
It's over, Spider-Man. When you were the only one with powers, you had me beat. But now, King Sandman reigns supreme!

Spider-Man:
Your majesty... Allow me to build a statue in your honor. [releases cement on Sandman]

[last lines]

Peter Parker:
[voice over] Hey, if I wanted all the glory, I wouldn't wear a mask. So Harry gets his dream, and I watch from the sidelines.

Gwen Stacy:
[comes from behind] Ice cream?

Peter Parker:
But of course, that has its benefits too. [Gwen and Peter sit down together, eating the ice cream]

[Doctor Octopus joins the rest of his Sinister Six teammates]

Dr. Otto Octavius:
Now then, arachnid, any last words?

[Spider-Man looks at the Sinister Six fearfully]

Peter Parker:
"Hamina, hamina, hamina", comes to mind.

[Doctor Octopus watches the tears of the sleeve of Spider-Man's black alien suit repair itself]

Dr. Otto Octavius:
Your new suit interests me, arachnid. I'm going to enjoy peeling it away for further study.

Spider-Man:
[rushes forward using his powers] I could be in real trouble here. I'm not sure my spider powers can save me this time. [school bell rings] Ah... You know what, just once, I'd like to be early for school.

Spider-Man:
Hey, guys, I know it's not a cure, but how 'bout some chill pills?

Aunt May Parker:
What's this?

Peter Parker:
The Bugle paid me for my pictures. Now you can pay those bills!

Aunt May Parker:
Out of the question. Besides, if you're gonna take photos for the Bugle, you need a new camera.

Peter Parker:
Uh... Well, that thought occurred... But a man has to honor his responsibilities. You're one of mine.

Spider-Man:
You do this for a living? With that accent, I was thinkin' rodeo clown.

Spider-Man:
Now, if I were a 6'5'' lizard instead of a 5'6'' spider, where would I hide? [pauses while looking] Duh. Underground.

Eddie Brock:
Did you... skateboard here?

Billy Connors:
I took a cab. Duh.

Venom:
Oh, you don't need to wear a mask with us, Pete! We know all your secrets, because of course, we were you.

Spider-Man:
The symbiote..but I destroyed-

Venom:
Did you really think a little refrigeration would do us in?

Spider-Man:
You ensnared another human being?!

Venom:
Someone better suited to our gifts and to our mission: Destroying you for rejecting us! From now on we're poison to Peter Parker and Spider-Man. We're VENOM!

Dr. Octopus:
I will not be weak.

Norman Osborn:
Otto, get up...

[Octavius grabs Osborn with one of his mechanical arms and flings him to the wall]

Dr. Octopus:
Silence, you imperious moron!

Spider-Man:
Whoa, there, slinky! Mr. Osborn here helped save your life!

Dr. Octopus:
You!

[Octavius grabs Spider-man and does the same]

Spider-Man:
For the record, I helped save your life too.

Dr. Octopus:
Do not insult my intelligence, *hero*. You tracked me down and tried to destroy me! As I knew you would.

Spider-Man:
Destroy you? Pal, I don't even know you.

Dr. Octopus:
Oh, but I survived. And more to the point, I have improved. I am now one with my arms. oh, you failed, Spider-Man! and your failure has given me new life.

[Octavius releases Osborn]

Norman Osborn:
Otto...

Dr. Octopus:
Otto Octavius was weak. Call me... Doctor Octopus!

Norman Osborn:
Now, run your experiments like a good Dr. Octopus.

Dr. Otto Octavius:
Mr. Osborn, please, I've told you. That name is so... demeaning.

Spider-Man:
Look, doc, you thought this through? The next Spider-Man who finds you under a pile of debris might view this as a cautionary tale.

Dr. Octopus:
Glib does not equate with clever, Spider-Man.

Spider-Man:
Yeah, well, the ration of arms to sanity hasn't exactly been established either.

Dr. Octopus:
Do you ever shut up?

Spider-Man:
Sorry, no. My fans expect a certain amout of quippage in every battle.

Dr. Octopus:
I cannot believe I once lived in this anemic hovel. Well, no more. And no more, "Yes, Mr. Osborn. I'm sorry, Mr. Osborn. Please, Mr. Osborn." How I groveled before that man. But soon the whole world shall grovel before the genius that is Dr. Octopus.

Spider-Man:
[Referring to Molten Man] Is that an Oscar with my name on it? I was thinking Emmy, but spiders can't be choosers.

Norman Osborn:
What are you babbling about? Put me down!

Spider-Man:
Dude, you are the bossiest damsel in distress I have EVER rescued. Also the ugliest, heaviest, and the first!

Norman Osborn, Vulture:
WHO ARE YOU!

Spider-Man:
Why, I'm your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, of course!

Adrian Toomes:
I blame you for this! You told me to bring my Magnetic Air Transport System to OsCorp.

Dr. Otto Octavius:
I know...

Adrian Toomes:
You arranged the meeting with Norman Osborn!

Dr. Otto Octavius:
And I had the best intention.

Adrian Toomes:
He studied my ideas and rejected them! Then announces OsCorp Tech-Flight four months later!

Dr. Otto Octavius:
[pleading] I am sorry, Adrian...

Norman Osborn:
Don't you dare apologize, doctor. OsCorp has nothing to apologize for.

Adrian Toomes:
Nothing to-? Osborn, you stole my work!

Norman Osborn:
That's dangerous talk, Mr. Toomes. Dangerous and unsupportable. Listen, you old buzzard, you've been at this for decades without one success to your name. If you never accomplished anything as a young man, who'd believe you created Tech-Flight as an old one? Boys, show Mr. Toomes out.

Adrian Toomes:
[to Octavius] Good news, I don't blame you anymore.

Flint Marko:
[after Alex O'Hirn gets webbed up] Oh no, not again!

Spider-Man:
Yep, again. What is this, Marko, the third time this summer?

Alex O'Hirn:
Just wait till I get my hands on ya, you skinny little creep!

Spider-Man:
Okay, so Marko, tell me... the new Spider-Signal, too much? It's my first night trying it out, and I'm just not sure it screams "Friendly, Neighborhood Spider-Man". I mean, as a guy with a lot of experience getting thrashed by, well, me... I really value your opinion.

Hammerhead:
Enforcers all present and accounted for, boss.

Big Man:
Thank you, Hammerhead. Gentlemen, I'll get right to the point. For the last four months, a pest has plagued our operations. At first, I could hardly credit the reports.

Hammerhead:
Thought the boys were trying to stiff us. Had to get a little rough to make sure they was *sincere*.

Big Man:
Establishing patterns of movement took all summer. But last night, we had confirmation. The "Spider-Man" is real.

Montana:
And you want the Enforcers to wrangle up this here spider?

Big Man:
No, Montana. I want you to squash it.

Vulture:
Tell the truth, Osborn. Can your Tech-Flight do this?

[Vulture flies between buildings and straight up one at remarkable speeds]

Norman Osborn:
Toomes?

Vulture:
Not Toomes, now. I'm what you called me. I'm the Vulture!

Norman Osborn:
I called you a buzzard!

Vulture:
What?

Norman Osborn:
You can't even get the name right.

J. Jonah Jameson:
Robbie, where's my layout? Foswell, I ordered that rewrite 12 seconds ago! Lee,I'm not paying you to sit on your keister! And YOU!

Peter Parker:
M-Me?

J. Jonah Jameson:
Yeah, YOU! I sent you for my bagel and schmeer nine minutes ago!

Betty Brant:
You sent Benny, Mr. Jameson, and it's only been three minutes.

Peter Parker:
Uh, actually, sir, I've got something better than a bagel.

J. Jonah Jameson:
Oh, yeah? What's that?

Peter Parker:
A proposal. I think I can get you pictures. Photos of Spider-Man in action. I bet it would sell a lot of newspapers...

J. Jonah Jameson:
What do you know about selling papers? You're a kid! Worse, you're a teenager. Miss Brant, call security. Get this wailing infant out of my face, out of my city room, OUT OF MY TOWN! [to Robbie] Hey, what the Bugle needs is photos. Of Spider-Man. In action. Now, that would sell newspapers, huh?

Peter Parker:
Aunt May needs my help. I don't know what I'm gonna do.

Gwen Stacy:
Oh, Pete, don't angst, okay? It'll come to you. [boards the bus]

Peter Parker:
[holding up his arms towards the air] Well, I'm waiting! [a newspaper hits his face, with Spider-Man on the front page. Peter knows what he has to do] I gotta admit... The girl knows her stuff.

Hammerhead:
I'm impressed. Rhino's still underground, and OsCorp's already got the contract to build his prison cell.

Norman Osborn:
After our success containing Sandman, whom else would the city call?

Hammerhead:
Meaning you get paid comin' and goin'. Sweet.

Norman Osborn:
Very. But these midtown brawls... people are beginning to ask questions. Best to let things cool off for a bit.

Hammerhead:
We cool off, when the Big Man says so, see? Or do you want people to know who created Freak 1 and Freak 2?

Norman Osborn:
Please, there's nothing to trace them back to OsCorp or myself.

Hammerhead:
Really? Tell that to Dr. Octavius.

Spider-Man:
I'm here to see Mr. Lincoln.

Tombstone:
Then you should make an appointment. But perhaps we'll make an exception for the hero of the day. I am L. Thompson Lincoln.

Spider-Man:
Please, you're the Big Man!

Tombstone:
In my life, I've been called many names. My favorite is Tombstone.

Spider-Man:
Back off! I just took down the Rhino. A pale guy in a suit doesn't stand a...

[Tombstone smacks Spider-Man away and pins him to the ground]

Tombstone:
Don't move. Just listen. And I'll teach you the facts of life. The Big Man, whomever he might be, has nothing against heroes. No hero can thwart enough crime to dent his income. But you... you frighten criminals off the streets entirely. Except when you're off battling the like of the Rhino. Then the Big Man's profitable army of petty thugs think themselves beneath the Spider-Man's notice.

Spider-Man:
So as long as I keep fighting crime, you'll keep making bigger and badder...

Tombstone:
Now, you're learning. But there is a way out. Come work for me. You can still save the world like a good hero. I'll even pay you. All you have to remember is to look the other way on occasion. On any occasion I choose.

Spider-Man:
I can't ever look the other way again. Let's finish this.

Tombstone:
[sigh] If you insist. [Buzzes two cops into the room] Officers, Spider-Man has trespassed on my property, assaulted my employees and threatened my person.

Peter Parker:
You mean... you're Mary Jane Watson?

Mary Jane Watson:
Face it, Tiger. You just hit the jackpot.

Hammerhead:
[Hammerhead wakes up in a warehouse to find himself tied chained to a chair after being knocked out by the Green Goblin] Ugh... Goblin. I know you're out there.

Green Goblin:
Out there, in here, everywhere! Soon, I will be the Big Man, and I can always use a right-hand Flat-top!

Hammerhead:
You think I'm afraid of a goofball dressed for Halloween? Don't respect what you don't fear, and there has only been one man that I have feared enough to respect.

Green Goblin:
The Big Man, alias L. Thompson Lincoln. You see, I've peeked behind *his* mask...

Hammerhead:
Lincoln *is* the mask! The *real* Big Man's Tombstone, 'cause that's all that's left after you cross him.

Green Goblin:
In that case, then a man in your position would surely have acquired... [extends tongue blade of glader towards Hammerhead's throat]... *life insurance*.

Green Goblin:
Why don't you just give up?

Spider-Man:
Because I know your secret. I know whose face is behind that mask.

Green Goblin:
We all wear masks, Spider-Man. But which one is real? The one that hides your face, or the one that is your face?

Spider-Man:
I know you're Norman Osborn!

Green Goblin:
Ha ha ha! Am I?

[Robbies places a Daily Globe on Jonah's desk]

J. Jonah Jameson:
And why should I care what the Globe runs on it's front page?

Robbie Robertson:
Because their Spider-Man scoop, and Parker's pictures of it, slaughtered our space shuttle coverage at the newsstands.

J. Jonah Jameson:
[Crumples the paper] The people have spoken. Get that traitor Parker in here and lock him to and exclusive deal. If they way Spider-Man, we'll give'em Spider-Man. Here's tomorrow's front page headline: "Spider-Man: Threat or Menace?"

Spider-Man:
This makes no sense. I'm Har- if this kid's the Goblin, why would he attack the Big Man? Why attack OsCorp?

Norman Osborn:
I've had "dealings" with the Big Man. But when I tried to extricate myself, I was threatened by his stooge.

Harry Osborn:
Hammerhead.

Norman Osborn:
Harry must have overheard. Under the influence of the Green, his subconscious created someone who could take the Big Man down. Now, as to why he attacked me...

Harry Osborn:
Maybe I've got some anger issues.

Norman Osborn:
I will not allow this. I'll say I was the Goblin. After all, I invented the Green. I'm the obvious suspect.

Spider-Man:
No. He needs you. And what good could you do him locked away for a crime you didn't commit?

Norman Osborn:
Didn't I? This is all my fault. I drove Harry to... I will get him help, I swear. If you'll let me.

Spider-Man:
Me?

Norman Osborn:
If you turn him in, if the Big Man learns Harry was the Goblin, he wouldn't survive the night. Please. He's my only child.

Spider-Man:
[to himself] And my best friend. [to Osborn] The Goblin disappears. Forever. Leaving a mystery that never gets solved.

Norman Osborn:
Thank you.