The Spy Next Door

Bob Ho:
Can your mommy do that?

Poldark:
Where is the file?

Ian:
It's on my iPod on my desk at home.

Bob Ho:
Now, see, you want to be a spy - never tell the truth to the bad guy.

Ian:
Sorry. I'm new at this.

Nora:
Mommy, that man can fly!

Ian:
Oh. Hey, guys! Gotta go.

Russian Thug:
What are you supposed to be?

Nora:
A cyborg, sent from the future to blast you away!

Farren:
[crying] I know he lied, but he did protect us. This whole time, all he ever wanted to do was protect us, mom and mom, you're never gonna find a man as good as Bob, never again.

Ian:
I never thought I'd say this, but I agree with Farren.

Gillian:
[looks at Nora] I suppose you have something to say, too.

Nora:
[looks at mom] I want Bob to be my daddy.

Farren:
Gillian, your son is a psycho. He booby-trapped my hairdryer.

Ian:
Nice hypothesis, but ya can't prove it.

Farren:
Yeah, but I can hurt you.

Bob Ho:
So, tell me more about Halloween.

Nora:
It's the best. You get candy, everyone pretends to be someone else, and nobody knows who you really are.

Bob Ho:
Sounds familiar.

Bob Ho:
He is rare. He is amazing. He is the man.

Farren:
How embarrassing.

Colton James:
Oh, heck, man, don't get married. Just find some woman that you're gonna hate in five years and give her your house.

Colton James:
[about Poldark] That man's so crooked, he could eat nails and poop corkscrews.

Colton James:
Now, how the heck are you gonna get in there? Jet pack?

Bob Ho:
It's in the shop.

Bob Ho:
I've brought down dictators. How tough can three kids be?

Bob Ho:
If a man marries you, he marries all four of you.

Gillian:
Don't forget the pig, the cat, and the turtle.

Poldark:
Tatiana, you can't imagine what it's like in there. The oppressive darkness, and the torture of empty days stretching for years. Prison is hell.

Creel:
You were in there for 4 hours.

Poldark:
I look like the French Prince of Belarus.

Ian:
You know about fashion?

Bob Ho:
No, but I know women. Wear it like this. It's cool. I saw it in a movie.

Ian:
What movie? Octopussy? This isn't 1985.

Glaze:
Hey, loosen these things up!

Colton James:
Oh, I'm sorry. What's wrong? Got the handcuffs too tight? I don't know how these things work. I'm just a dumb hillbilly.

Poldark:
How quickly can you give me orange jumpsuit?

Ian:
Hey, how you doing? I'm Ian. If I told you have a beautiful body, you hold it against me?

Cute Gymnast:
[disgusted] Yeow!

Bob Ho:
At least you're not shy.

Ian:
I wanted to talk to her in the worst way.

Bob Ho:
Mission accomplished.

Bob Ho:
Family isn't whose blood you carry. It's who you love, and who loves you.

Nora:
[Heading toward a Chinese restaurant] Doesn't look like they have chicken tenders here!

Bob Ho:
Yo, it's Ho.

[first lines]

Nora:
Mom! Jethro's eating my underwear! [pronounced 'unduweahw']

Glaze:
What took you so long to get here?

Bob Ho:
Six minutes.

Glaze:
You stop for a latte?

Bob Ho:
Oh, I get it. You're, uh... What's the expression? Chopping my bust.

Glaze:
Close enough.

Ian:
I hate it when old people have feelings.

Glaze:
Tell me he didn't get away.

Colton James:
Oh, he's as gone as rum cake at an AA meeting.

Colton James:
Oh, while I'm thinkin' about it, they suspect there may be a mole at the agency.

Bob Ho:
They suspect me?

Colton James:
Noooo. You know Glaze thinks you're the sharpest barb on the wire.

Bob Ho:
I've no idea what that means.

Farren:
Bob, this is Larry.

Larry:
Pleased to meet you, sir.

Bob Ho:
Let's get some food.

Farren:
He goes to the university.

Ian:
He's a poet. Isn't it cool?

Bob Ho:
It's rad. It's awesome. It's jiggy for shizzy. It's bomb.

Bob Ho:
I have two words for you, Larry. Thirteen.

Nora:
Boys are pigs.