The Steve Harvey Show

Cedric:
Lovita, you can't break Robinson Family Traditions all willy-nilly!

Bullethead:
Say "Velveeta", you love birds!

Cedric:
Oh look, honeybump. Wedding bears! And the bridesbear doesn't seem to mind that the groomsbear is wearing a top hat.

Lovita:
Fine. Wear your funky old top hat, and ask this bridesbear to give you some babies!

Bullethead:
Hey guys, let's get going. I gotta meet my date!

Steve:
A date?

Romeo:
Yeah. I'm as shocked as you are, Mr. Hightower, but it's true! Bullethead's got a chickenhead!

Steve:
Lovita, you want raffle tickets? In English, "no"; In Spanish, "no"; in Russian, "nyet", and in Ebonics, HECK no!

Steve:
You simple crash test dummy.

[Regina is wearing a neckbrace and walking on crutches]

Steve:
Regina, you look like an extra in "E.R.".

Steve:
Ced, when I see that woman, I'm like Shaq doing Shakespeare - I just don't know how to act!

Steve:
Lemme tell you, I would put hot sauce on my ears and fight Tyson for that girl.

[to Romeo]

Steve:
Boy, you better watch your tone of voice with me! This ain't Michelle Pfeiffer you're talking to.

[Cedric is dressed in a gold tuxedo]

Steve:
Ced, you look like an Oscar from Compton!

Steve:
Your checks do more bouncing than Nell Carter on a pogo stick.

[a student has lost weight]

Steve:
Damn, girl! You look like Luther two albums ago.

Regina:
Steve, can I see you for a moment?

Steve:
[chuckles] Ya know, if I had a nickel for every time a woman approached me with that question...

Regina:
[continues] You'd have twelve minutes on a parking meter.

Steve:
Well, how's it going, Eryka Ba-Don't?

Regina:
Ok, I will admit that I did freeze up a little on stage.

Steve:
A little? Girl, you froze up like a homeless Eskimo.

[at studio with Teddy Riley]

Romeo:
[on phone] Miss Jenkins, I'm at the studio with Teddy Riley right now.

Lovita:
[sarcastically] Sure, Romeo... and me and Barry White are here trading perm secrets.

Steve:
[talking to himself] I just hope they don't ask that boy to read.

Steve:
Lovita, please. You in the kitchen is like a black man in a horror film - - somebody gonna die!

Cedric:
I took the $2000 and got Lovita a real nice Rolex watch. So I got $1950 left.

Steve:
This boy thinks that Hamlet is something you order with home fries and toast.

Regina:
You only get one shot and you cannot miss.

Romeo:
Man, Romeo don't miss! Now, I want the twenty dollars in three un-marked five-dollar bills.

Regina:
Remind me to speak to Mr. Wilson, the math teacher.

Steve:
I haven't seen this much food since I was backstage at an Aretha Franklin concert.

Cedric:
The boy thinks "impeachment" is a fruit-flavored breath mint!

Steve:
I'm gonna work you boys harder than a beeper in the projects.

Steve:
Regina, Lovita... you gotta help me with my niece. She just don't act like a normal teenager. She don't talk back, she don't roll her eyes... the poor girl thinks that Snoop Doggy Dog is Charlie Brown's pet!

Steve's Niece:
My mother always told me that beauty comes from within.

Lovita:
That's true. It comes from the beauty within the cosmetic counter at the Rite-Aid.

Steve:
[after Regina's failed attempt to stop Romeo from Humiliating Steve, ending up with Regina receiving a Key Lime Pie to the face and Steve is urprised that Regina came up to him] Well, look who's here. Our very own Principal Grier!

Regina:
[With pie on her face] I hate you, Steve!

Steve:
But I love you though... [Steve licks his fingers after Regina coughs and starts to wipe the pie filling off]

Steve:
That's Key Lime. That's my favorite.

Lovita:
[after hearing about Regina's plan to humiliate Steve] Who are you going to get that's dumb enough to throw a pie in Steve's face?

Bullethead:
I'm sorry, my religion does not allow me to work on the sabbath.

Steve:
The sabbath, for you, is on a wednesday? Boy, your ignorance is dazzling.

Bullethead:
Thank you.

Steve:
Regina, I teach six classes, three different subjects, I got study hall and a room full of teenagers with their hormones just ragin'. Couple of them are hotter than a Porsche in the projects.

Junior:
Give me one good reason why you won't dance with me.

Sara:
Cause you look like you're 13.

Sophia Ortiz:
Where is Mr. Jordan? Why you teachin' all those subjects? And, why we gotta take this class anyway?

Steve:
I don't know. I got played out. And, I don't know.

Steve:
Lovita you are late, as acting vice principal, I find that very unacceptable.

Lovita:
Well, I find you triflin'.

Steve:
You wanna see whats on BET?

Regina:
Sure.

Steve:
Yeah, maybe we'll catch one of those old shows. Whats Happenin', Good Times, maybe even the Jeffersons. Or maybe that show Me and the Boys. [pauses] That was a good show... Wonder why they cut that off?