The Stooge

Sam Robertson:
[Referring to Ted Rogers] Tell me the truth, Miss Regan, do you honestly think he's human?

Miss Regan, Robertson's Secretary:
I've heard people bet both ways.

Theodore 'Ted' Rogers:
Well, my mother loves me.

Bill Miller:
I'll bet she was disappointed. I'll bet she wanted a child.

Theodore 'Ted' Rogers:
She got one. Look up the records. I was born at Mercy Hospital.

Bill Miller:
Were you sick?

Theodore 'Ted' Rogers:
No, I wanted to be near my mother.

[Ted is drunk]

Mary Turner:
[whispering] Don't you think Ted has had enough?

Theodore 'Ted' Rogers:
You whisperin' about me?

Bill Miller:
Oh, no. What gives you that idea?

Theodore 'Ted' Rogers:
I don't know. Am I being very extraordinary [hiccups] "Extraordinary". That's a funny one. [drinks more champagne]

Mary Turner:
How do you feel?

Theodore 'Ted' Rogers:
I feel very... gling glong. Thank you.

Bill Miller:
Gling glong?

Theodore 'Ted' Rogers:
[to Frecklehead] How long have you had freckles?

Genevieve 'Frecklehead' Tait:
All my life! I hate them!

Theodore 'Ted' Rogers:
Well, I think they are very becoming.

Genevieve 'Frecklehead' Tait:
[Angrily] Shows what you know!