The Stuff

David 'Mo' Rutherford:
The name's Mo Rutherford. They call me that 'cause when people give me money, I always want mo'.

Col. Malcolm Grommett Spears:
We're Americans - we've never lost a war!

Jason:
What about 'Nam, sir?

Col. Malcolm Grommett Spears:
'Nam? We lost that war at home, sonny.

Col. Malcolm Grommett Spears:
I will permit this colored man to speak. But speak one word of the Commie party, or one word in code, and I will blow his head off.

David 'Mo' Rutherford:
No one is as dumb as I appear to be.

Col. Malcolm Grommett Spears:
The yellow sons of b*tches, they took their own lives! Commie bastards, you cheated me!

Col. Malcolm Grommett Spears:
Pay the drivers, issue a ten-percent tip, get a cash receipt.

Militants:
Yes, sir!

Col. Malcolm Grommett Spears:
Proceed to the main lobby; we will reassemble! HUP!

David 'Mo' Rutherford:
Well, everybody has to eat shaving cream once in a while.

David 'Mo' Rutherford:
Are you eating it or is it eating you?

Jason:
What am I supposed to do?

Jason's Brother:
What you're supposed to do, you're supposed to EAT IT, that's all; you eat it and eat as much of it as you can and you KEEP eating it!

'Chocolate Chip' Charlie W. Hobbs:
Don't you know who I am? I am Chocolate-Chip Charlie! My hands are registered with the mid-New Jersey police as lethal weapons, and I eat them guns for breakfast!

David 'Mo' Rutherford:
You're Chocolate Chip Charlie!

'Chocolate Chip' Charlie W. Hobbs:
Well, I sure as hell ain't the Kentucky Colonel!

[First lines]

Old Miner:
[finds the Stuff bubbling out of the ground] What the hell is this? Sure smooth. [he tastes some] That tastes real good! Tasty! Sweet!

Second Miner:
Harry, what're you doin' down there, takin' a leak?

Old Miner:
No.

Second Miner:
Want us to wait for ya?

Old Miner:
No, you guys go on ahead. I'll catch up to ya later. [continues eating the Stuff] I'll be damned. Whatever that could be, it's mighty good.

Col. Malcolm Grommett Spears:
[after shooting guard who begins "bleeding" Stuff] I kinda like the sight of blood... but this is disgusting!

Miner:
Harry, what're you doin' eatin' show?

Old Miner:
[eating Stuff] Are you outta your head, buddy? If this is snow, try it. [offers the other miner some]

Miner:
No, I don't eat snow.

Old Miner:
Come on, give it a try, that's not snow. Try it.

Miner:
[he tries it] What the hell is it?

Old Miner:
You know, if this stuff is bubbling out of the ground like this, there might be enough of it here that we could sell to people!

Fletcher:
Let go of it, Mr. Rutherford. You can't stop it.

David 'Mo' Rutherford:
I can shut you down.

Fletcher:
[laughs] I don't know. I really don't know. I don't think anybody'd pay too much attention to a disreputable guy like you. You're a rogue, you're a crook in the pay of the ice cream companies just out trying to screw the competition.

David 'Mo' Rutherford:
I could always kill you.

Vickers:
Ben! No, Ben! I'll buy more!

David 'Mo' Rutherford:
Okay, lethal hands, kill the door.

'Chocolate Chip' Charlie W. Hobbs:
Watch out for splinters.

David 'Mo' Rutherford:
There nobody here but you?

Gas Attendant:
Well, don't you wanna wash your hands or somethin'? I put in a new towel!

[pursuing escaping Stuff]

'Chocolate Chip' Charlie W. Hobbs:
You are not thinkin' about goin' after it!

David 'Mo' Rutherford:
I hope you got a gun on you, Charlie!

'Chocolate Chip' Charlie W. Hobbs:
How many times am I supposed to tell you my hands are lethal weapons?

David 'Mo' Rutherford:
I hope you're right, 'cause if that thing tries to kill me, you kill me first!

[discussing the Stuff-possessed postman]

David 'Mo' Rutherford:
What do you think, Charlie?

'Chocolate Chip' Charlie W. Hobbs:
The man is not in proper operating order.

David 'Mo' Rutherford:
Absolutely.

'Chocolate Chip' Charlie W. Hobbs:
I'd like to take him someplace and get him X-rayed.

David 'Mo' Rutherford:
Yeah, but what if he doesn't wanna come along with us?

'Chocolate Chip' Charlie W. Hobbs:
We snatch 'im.

David 'Mo' Rutherford:
Oh, now, Charlie, I run a high-tech operation. I don't go in for things like that.

'Chocolate Chip' Charlie W. Hobbs:
I got a few low-tech solutions for our problem. We hit that sucker over the head.

David 'Mo' Rutherford:
Oh, well, ummm... we could do that.

'Chocolate Chip' Charlie W. Hobbs:
We throw him in the trunk of the car.

David 'Mo' Rutherford:
We could do that, too.

'Chocolate Chip' Charlie W. Hobbs:
And we take off.

David 'Mo' Rutherford:
In whose car?

David 'Mo' Rutherford:
Did you find anything out?

'Chocolate Chip' Charlie W. Hobbs:
What you gonna find out, man, in a town that has just dried up and blown away, man? Must be a side effect of eatin' too much dessert. An urge to migrate.

'Chocolate Chip' Charlie W. Hobbs:
The only thing Chocolate Chip Charlie knows better than fighting is running.

David 'Mo' Rutherford:
Pick a direction!

Jason:
'scuse me, sir, I kinda just threw up in your car.

David 'Mo' Rutherford:
I know!

Jason:
I'm sorry!

David 'Mo' Rutherford:
That's all right.

Jason:
I just ate shaving cream!

David 'Mo' Rutherford:
Everybody has to eat shaving cream once in a while