The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!

Mario Mario:
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em... then beat 'em.

Mario Mario:
That's a heaping helpin' of moolah.

Luigi:
Yeah and that's a lot of money too.

Mario/Luigi:
Pattycake, pattycake, Pasta Man / Gimme pasta power as fast as you can.

Link:
[looking down Zelda's blouse from a tower] Hey, princess! Looking good! Espeacially from this angle!

[repeated line]

Link:
Well, Excuuuuuuse me, princess!

Luigi:
Hey Mario! You sure you know what you're doing?

Mario Mario:
Sure, I'm doing 60 miles an hour!

[Luigi is holding a giant hypodermic needle]

Toad:
This is the second biggest hyperthermic needle I've ever seen

Luigi:
What was the biggest?

Toad:
My last flu shot

Blooper:
I can take you on with seven arms tied behind my back

[repeated line]

Mario Mario, Luigi:
Yes, Mama.

Mario Mario:
We need your Hocus Pocus. can you make us fly?

Genie:
Fly? Do you know what a drain that is on me?

Luigi:
No problem. Any drain you got, we can fix. We're plumbers.

Mario Mario:
Tell you what, you make us fly and I'll grease your palm with a gold coin.

Genie:
Now you're talking. Eeenie meenie miney mo. Make'em fly. I need the dough.

Madame Agogo:
Ahooooooooo Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh [a window shatters]

Luigi:
Uh Madame Agogo, did you just summon up evil spirits?

Madame Agogo:
No it was the Chilli Peppers I had for lunch [drum fanfare] , Now ask me whats the first thing on my mind!

Mario Mario:
Ok whats the first thing on your mind?

Madame Agogo:
My $25 fee [drum fanfare] course things don't come cheap you have to pay the rent [Takes money from Mario] Thank you, Mario, Luigi join hands!

Madame Agogo:
[chanting as the lights dim down] Ohhhh ooohhh almight spirits/ with mighty eyes/ To Mario and Luigi/ Please don't tell lies, [pause] Ahhhhhh either all your questions will soon be answered,

Luigi:
Or...?

Mario Mario:
Or...?

Madame Agogo:
Or we'll have to play a quick game of ring-around-the-rosie [drum fanfare]

Madame Agogo:
[after the Lengend of Zelda preview] I Fell!

Mario Mario:
YES?

Madame Agogo:
I Fell!

Luigi:
YES?

Madame Agogo:
I feel someone stepping on my foot! [drum fanfare]

Mario Mario, Luigi:
[both look at the floor then make a gesture with their teeth and fingers] Neeurrgh!

[Ray Charles' "Hit the Road Jack." can be heard in the background]

King Bowser Koopa:
Hey mouse-brain, where's that music coming from?

Mouser #2:
Maybe you left your radio on.

King Bowser Koopa:
Don't be silly. This is pasta-land, radio hasn't been invented yet.

Link:
[making a dramatic entrance, swinging in on a rope] You called for a hero, princess?

Princess Zelda:
Yes, but I guess you'll have to do.

Ganon, Moblins:
[trying to figure out why Zelda is the only one who can see Link's spirit] The only way she could see him is if... she was in *love* with him.

Princess Zelda:
Now don't get any ideas, buster!

Link:
So you love me, eh?

Princess Zelda:
Oh, I do *not*!

Link:
[singing] Yes, you do. Yes, you do. That's why you can see me!

Princess Peach Toadstool:
[as a baby] [to Luigi] More fasty, more fasty, Uncle Luigi.

King Bowser Koopa:
[dressed as a baby] Stop or I'll tell on you. I've been hanging around these kids too long. [Albatross drops a net on Koopa]

King Bowser Koopa:
Net *them*, you idiots! Not me!

Toad:
[Toad's snowboard fell into the snowbank] If that Koopa ruined my board, I'll...

Princess Peach Toadstool:
Don't you care if we're all right, Toad?

Toad:
Well, yeah, but my present?.

Princess Peach Toadstool:
I guess your present means more than we do.

Toad:
Well, it *is* Christmas. Uh, are you OK, Princess? [Princess Toadstool glares at him with a mad look]

Link:
[first lines of the series] Another beautiful day in the magical kingdom of Hyrule. Boring place! I used to roam the world, fighting monsters and sleeping in mud, a hero's life! Now, look at me, living in a castle, sleeping in a bed... art I sweet! Ugh! I'd like to know one good reason why I even stay here!

Mario Mario:
Until next time, everybody...

Mario and Luigi:
Do the Mario!

Sprite:
[after seeing an old witch] What is this, ugly people day?

[Mario, Princess, and Toad ask Luigi to jump a gorge]

Luigi:
I can't! Uh, I'm having a baby!

Luigi:
[fakes labor pains]

[the rest of the group stare at Luigi incredulously, then, offscreen, push Luigi onscreen]

Luigi:
[defeated] Well, it was worth a try.

King Bowser Koopa:
[rapping] Troopas, let's go! Let's mount an attack!

[Trips over something]

King Bowser Koopa:
Ow! That hurt! Ooh, oww, ack!

King Bowser Koopa:
[repeated line to his army] Koopa Pack, Attack!

[repeated line]

Luigi:
Suffering Spumoni!

Mario Mario:
[Intro Line] Hey, Pisanos! It's the Super Mario Bros. Super Show!

Princess Zelda:
[Intro, The title appears and the trianlge symbol turns into the triforce if wisdom, Zelda and Link walk into the room] This is the Triforce of Wisdom, Link. The evil wizard Gannon has the Triforce of Power. [the scene goes to Gannon summoning his army of creaturs to head towards Zelda's castle] Whoever gets both Triforces will rule this land forever, you must help me Link.

Link:
Hey, for you Zelda, anything.

[upshot of the Brooklyn Bridge, two Albatrosses circle overhead]

King Bowser Koopa:
[off camera] Okay, Troopas. Here is the new Koopa plan.

[scene cuts to King Koopa and a gathering of Koopatroopas and Bob-Ombs on the bridge]

King Bowser Koopa:
[turns to group of Bob-Ombs] First, you Bob-Ombs are gonna blow up this Brooklyn Bridge!

[troops applaud loudly]

King Bowser Koopa:
The Princess and the Mario brothers will be trapped, and we can take... step two...

Koopa Troopa:
...turn every citizen of Brooklyn into bricks!

[troops applaud once more]

King Bowser Koopa:
Hold your applause. I know it's a genius idea, but I have them all the time.

Koopa Troopa:
And then what happens, your royal repulsiveness?

King Bowser Koopa:
I crown myself the King of "Koop-lyn" and I make all the laws. No plumbers, no pasta, no princesses, and Brooklyn accents are not allowed!

[troops cheer and applaud, camera pans to four trash cans, with Mario, Luigi, the Princess, and Toad hiding in each]

Princess Peach Toadstool:
It's a good thing we found Koopa before he got away with all that.

King Bowser Koopa:
Then as the old saying goes, he who koops and runs away lives to koop another day!

Link:
[Link's a ghost] Don't tell me you only love me for my body.

Princess Zelda:
Ha! It's just that without your body you're even more useless.

Mario "Jumpman" Mario:
[first line in cartoon segment] Plumber's Log, number 007; we arrived in Spy Land.

Agent M:
I am Agent M.

Mario Mario:
I see.

Agent M:
Not C. M!

Luigi:
Oh.

Agent M:
Not O! I'm M. Agent O is on vacation.

Mario "Jumpman" Mario:
[first line in cartoon segment] Plumber's log 2-21, the Snow World.

Luigi Mario:
[last lines in cartoon segment] Holy ravoli, Mario! You didn't say anything about getting a kiss.

Mario "Jumpman" Mario:
All part of being a hero, Luigi.

[Mario winks at the camera]

[first lines]

Mario "Jumpman" Mario:
No peeking!

[first lines in cartoon segment]

Mario "Jumpman" Mario:
Plumber's Log; number 505. We are hacking our way through the Amazon jungle, searching for Sheldon the mysterious witchdoctor.

Mario "Jumpman" Mario:
[first line in cartoon segment] Plumber's Log number 22-37, we were in a land of damsels in distress and knights in shiny armor, the legendary Cramalot.

King Bowser Koopa:
As the old saying goes, he who koops and runs away, lives to koop another day.

Luigi:
Oh hiya, squirt, who are you?

Patty:
A sad eyed orphan. No parents, no brothers, no sisters, just me and my shadow.

Luigi:
Oh, what a sad, story. Come in sweetheart. Oh please, come in to my house. Listen squirt, you don't happen to have a name do you?

Patty:
Patty, The Sad Eyed Orphan.

Luigi:
Oh. Mario, Mario, come here, we have a guest. This is my brother Mario. Mario, this is Patty, the sad eyed orphan.

Mario "Jumpman" Mario:
Nice to meet you Patty, the sad eyed orphen. Where you from?

Patty:
Oh, I've been drifting for about six months now, ya know, living off the land. Life if tough when you don't have any parents to love and take care of you. [Patty fakely cries] Nobody even cares that today's my birthday!

Toad:
A net!

Luigi:
Annette Funicello? Where?

[first lines in cartoon segment]

Mario "Jumpman" Mario:
Plumber's Log; number 10-14, we were traveling through a strange land called Turtlevania.

[last lines in cartoon segment]

Luigi Mario:
Yo. My brother, the pasta vampire. [everyone laughs]

Mario Mario:
You okay, Luigi?

Luigi:
I'd feel better if we went back and got my stomach.

[Mario and Luigi save themselves from plummeting off a cliff]

Princess Peach Toadstool:
[relieved] They're safe!

King Bowser Koopa:
What?

Toad:
She said...

Toad:
[impersonating the Princess] They're safe!

Mario "Jumpman" Mario:
[first line in cartoon segment] Plumber's Log, number 437. We arrived in a dry and deadly desert... on a lumpy camel.

Mario "Jumpman" Mario:
[last lines in cartoon segment] They really deserve each other, where next Princess?

Princess Peach Toadstool:
How about a carpet cleaner? [everyone laughs]

(The text "Neatness Counts" appears as we pan into the Mario Bros. Plumbing building in Brooklyn, and see Mario sorting out his moustache in the mirror)

Mario Mario:
Time for a new day, but as we always say, "Neatness Counts!"

Luigi:
That's right, Mario, and by the way, you have a little piece of spaghetti, on, your overalls.

Mario Mario:
Oh, (Inaudible over laugh track) you, Luigi. And you have a little bit of spaghetti sauce on your shirt, as usual.

Luigi:
Really? Ya shoes are dirty

Mario Mario:
And ya socks don't match

Luigi:
Eh ya have 5 cavities

Mario "Jumpman" Mario:
[first line in cartoon segment] Plumber's Log, number 704; our adventure loving group had arrived in Victoria, land of mystery, cloaks and daggers and screams in the night.

That's Mama Luigi to you Mario!