The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation of Toxie

Claire:
[who is blind] I don't mind being blind: I'll never have to see ugliness, or poverty, or pollution, or the Chevrolet Nova

The Toxic Avenger:
Oh man, toxic shock.

The Chairman:
No, not toxic shock just your imagination set free! Look at it, a perfect world with a Porsche in every drive way, Chicken McNuggets in every pot, and you, you Melvin, smack dab in the middle of it. Loved by millions the world over, you'll be more popular than The Beatles and Elvis combined!

The Toxic Avenger:
Gee, that's a lot for minimum wage!

The Devil:
[after being peed on] Now I'm pissed!

The Toxic Avenger:
Chairman, you're history!

The Devil:
No one takes priority over me.

God:
Ooohhh nooooo? AHEM... AHEM...

The Devil:
Well... maybe one.

The Devil:
Choose your weapon, and your arena. Oh, I know! You play video games, don't you Melvin? I'll show you the real five levels of doom. Earth, Fire, Water, Wind... and the last one. But no one gets to the last one.

The Devil:
You are becoming quite an annoying horse fly. But swatting time is here. I present, courtesy of hell, the final level of doom. The mind is a terrible thing to waste, and I'll waste yours.

The Devil:
The mind is a terrible thing to waste - and I'm going to waste YOURS!

The Toxic Avenger:
These chemicals have taken over my life! I don't have a life! I have a half-life!

Rabbi:
Oy vey! How many times do I got to tell you, you don't put the Redneck Zombies in with the Disney videos!

Assistant:
But Redneck Zombies is gruesome!

Rabbi:
Gruesome? You should see my mother-in-law! That's gruesome!

The Toxic Avenger:
It's an old sumo trick. They use it whenever they're on a runaway school bus that plunges into deadly, murky, muddy water.

[the scene is a red room filled with fire and ash]

Apocalypse Inc. Chairman:
Good, we'll see you on Monday. Oh, and Melvin?

The Toxic Avenger:
Yes, Mr. Chairman?

Apocalypse Inc. Chairman:
Get rid of that mop.

[looks around room]

Apocalypse Inc. Chairman:
It looks like hell!

The Chairman of Apocalypse Inc.:
I'm a man of wealth and taste. I can offer you wealth and... your taste can be worked on.

The Chairman of Apocalypse Inc.:
[Reading Toxie's resume] Health club mop boy, good. First superhero from New Jersey, even better. Special skills, leaping out of relatively tall buildings with a running start and playing video games. Very impressive.

The Chairman of Apocalypse Inc.:
Who said minimum wage? Did *I* say minimum wage? Melvie, bubula, baby, what self-respecting, hideously deformed creature of super-human size and strength works for peanuts, hmmmm?

Toxic Avenger:
Uh, none I guess.

The Chairman of Apocalypse Inc.:
All these things I will give thee, if you will bow down and work for me.

Apocalypse Inc. Chairman:
Melvin Junko, COME ON UP!

The Chairman:
History? Yes Melvin, I AM history. Buh, ha, ha, ha!

[lightning strikes]

The Chairman:
Oh, you still don't realise who you're dealing with do you? SEE... ME... AS... I... AM!

The Devil:
Alright Junko, let's party!

The Chairman:
Mr. Junko, we need someone charming, smart looking, good with people, to be the spokesman for our company and to help spread the good news of our policies.

Toxic Avenger:
Just what are your policies?

The Chairman:
Our policies, Mr Junko? Giving! That's our policy! Giving to the people what they want, giving to the people what they need. It's what I've always done best. But I know you're asking yourself, how? It's good sounding but how? By building. By growing. By taking towns like Tromaville and revitalising them into industrial metropolisises.

Claire:
It's better to be blind in Heaven then sighted in Hell.

The Devil:
This is one load of toxic waste that won't stay buried!

[after the chairman mutates into the devil]

The Toxic Avenger:
Oh man, you are one ugly amphibian!

The Chairman:
All these things I will give you, if you will work for me. All these things I will give you, if you bow down and worship me!

The Toxic Avenger:
Wait, you said "worship me." Not "work for me." Where have I heard that before?

[Flashback to the church]

Father O'Reilly:
And the devil said to Jesus, "all these things I will give you, if you bown down and worship me."

The Toxic Avenger:
[after ripping a video store robber's intestines out] You know, you don't have any intestinal fortitude.