The Walls Came Tumbling Down

Matthew Stoker:
Mr. Archer, I must ask you to forgive this early call, but it's most urgent that we speak with you at once.

Gilbert Archer:
What do you want?

Matthew Stoker:
I'm sorry, but we must talk to you. It's about some rare Bibles.

Gilbert Archer:
Come in. How'd you get past the clerk at the desk?

Matthew Stoker:
We didn't, Mr. Archer. The freight elevator was dirty but convenient.

Gilbert Archer:
[Looking warily at the man's ministerial collar] You're not a clergyman.

Matthew Stoker:
We are missionaries, Mr. Archer.

Gilbert Archer:
Did somebody recommend me as a prospect?

Matthew Stoker:
My name is Stoker, Mr. Archer. Matthew Stoker. This is my wife.

Gilbert Archer:
What do you want?

Matthew Stoker:
It would appear that you were well acquainted with a priest named Father Walsh, who unfortunately died last night. It would appear too that you'd paid him a visit at his rectory to discuss a pair of rare Bibles.

Gilbert Archer:
Don't tell me you believe everything you read in the papers.

Matthew Stoker:
I choose to believe this. For some time, we've been searching for two Bibles of a certain edition. Not long ago, I traced them to this unfortunate priest, Father Walsh. I'm prepared to pay a large amount of money to gain possession of them.

Gilbert Archer:
Very interesting. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm busy.

Matthew Stoker:
You are dismissing us, Mr. Archer?

Gilbert Archer:
That's the general idea, Reverend.

Matthew Stoker:
Oh. I'd hoped to find you more hospitable. Since you aren't, we will dispense with the amenities. I want those Bibles.

Gilbert Archer:
What makes you so sure I've got them?

Matthew Stoker:
We know that you had a conversation with a priest here in your apartment a few hours before he died.

Gilbert Archer:
How much?

Matthew Stoker:
Ten thousand.

Gilbert Archer:
I can't hear you.

Matthew Stoker:
Very well. Fifteen thousand.

Gilbert Archer:
I'll think it over.

Matthew Stoker:
There's no time. I want them now.

Gilbert Archer:
Don't crowd me, Reverend. I'm sensitive. It goes back to my childhood. When I went to Sunday school, men of the cloth were more polite. I don't think you're even a missionary.

Mrs. Stoker:
You don't? My dear, please show Mr. Archer your credentials. [Stoker pulls a gun out of his pocket]

Matthew Stoker:
Now, Mr. Archer, suppose we entertain each other while my wife makes a brief search of the premises.

Gilbert Archer:
Certainly. You play gin? [Archer stands up to reach for a cigarette lighter. Stoker pushes the gun barrel into his chest. Archer motions toward a table] Lighter! [Stoker tries to light it with no success] May I? [He uses the lighter to knock the gun out of Stoker's hand] You need a refresher course, Reverend, at whatever seminary it was that you went to. Out!

Matthew Stoker:
Very neat, Mr. Archer. Very neat, indeed. I've allowed myself to grow rather rusty. I'm afraid it comes from putting too much faith in my assistants. [Stoker's assistant Rausch appears suddenly and knocks Archer unconscious]

Matthew Stoker:
Such an impetuous young man. [Speaking to his wife] Proceed, my dear. [Speaking to Rausch] If Mr. Archer shows any signs of activity, Rausch, make him comfortable.

Matthew Stoker:
That's enough, Rausch. Give him some brandy. Thank you, Rausch.

Gilbert Archer:
Did you find the Bibles, Holy Joe?

Matthew Stoker:
You know we didn't.

Mrs. Stoker:
We really must apologize for Rausch, Mr. Archer. He's our most devoted convert and I fear at times a little over-zealous.

Matthew Stoker:
The Bibles, Mr. Archer.

Gilbert Archer:
The money, Reverend. It will take me three days to get them, and I never work for less than four figures a day.

Matthew Stoker:
Very well. Here is a retainer of $3,000. You will kindly sign a receipt, just to make the transaction legitimate, which of course it is.

Gilbert Archer:
Where can I reach you?

Matthew Stoker:
You can't, Mr. Archer. We'll reach you when necessary.

Gilbert Archer:
The entire holy trio?

Matthew Stoker:
Precisely. The balance will be paid after you have delivered the Bibles to us. In the meantime, remember this receipt, if you should decide to call the police. My dear... [motioning for his wife to prepare to leave] Oh I wonder, Mr. Archer, if you would do me a slight favor.

Gilbert Archer:
Now just name it, Reverend. After all, we'll in business together.

Matthew Stoker:
Thank you. Would you be kind enough to mention in your column that the Reverend Matthew Stoker and his very charming wife are spending the season in New York? Thank you.

Matthew Stoker:
Oh, Mr. Archer! I don't wish to have a bullet hole in my pocket unless it's absolutely necessary.

Matthew Stoker:
Where are those Bibles? Rausch! [Rausch strikes Archer] Now Mr. Archer, why did you check a dictionary and an almanac at the library? Or would you rather have another waltz with our friend Rausch here?

Gilbert Archer:
How'd you get those books?

Matthew Stoker:
I never worry about technicalities, Mr. Archer. Our estimable Rausch persuaded the attendant to give the package to him. You have yourself to blame for what happened. The unfortunate check clerk is now in the emergency hospital in a very precarious condition. Now, why did you check those books in the library?

Gilbert Archer:
To throw King Kong off my trail.

Matthew Stoker:
I gave you a retainer, Mr. Archer. Where are those Bibles?

Gilbert Archer:
What's your hurry? Afraid a couple of murders are going to catch up with you?

Matthew Stoker:
I assure you, Mr. Archer, I do not find murder particularly distasteful when necessary. However at the moment, I shall be content with ordering Rausch to beat you within an inch of your life. Where are those Bibles?

Gilbert Archer:
Now wait! I'll tell you. Give me a drink first. A Bible isn't always a Bible.

Matthew Stoker:
What do you mean by that?

Gilbert Archer:
Joshua led his troops seven times around the city of Jericho. Remember, Reverend? Did you look on page seven of this dictionary?

Gilbert Archer:
Come in, Reverend. I've been expecting you.

Matthew Stoker:
Were you indeed, Mr. Archer?

Gilbert Archer:
Make yourself comfortable. What'll you have, scotch or bourbon?

Matthew Stoker:
Bourbon, please. I indulge on rare occasions.

Gilbert Archer:
Naturally. Why not? If you consult your Bible, you'll find a verse that prescribes a little wine for your stomach's sake.

Matthew Stoker:
Mr. Archer, you're a never-ending source of amazement. And you have a Bible! Now isn't that...

Gilbert Archer:
Cozy? Yes. Sit down, sit down, Reverend.

Matthew Stoker:
Thank you.

Gilbert Archer:
How's Mrs. Stoker, and your choirboy Rausch?

Matthew Stoker:
Oh, both very well, thank you. Madame had a previous engagement or she'd have come with me. As for Rausch - well, I thought that on this occasion we could dispense with his impetuosity.

Gilbert Archer:
Well, I was sure you'd bring him with you, knowing how stubborn I am to do business with.

Matthew Stoker:
Yes, Mr. Archer, but this time I came convinced that you'd be cooperative.

Gilbert Archer:
You did?

Matthew Stoker:
Of course, my dear boy. It came to me in a revelation.

Gilbert Archer:
I don't know where you bought the revelation, Reverend, but you've been gypped.

Matthew Stoker:
Mr. Archer, dishonesty is a sin. May I remind you that I paid you a retainer to get that Bible for me? I'm prepared to pay the balance.

Gilbert Archer:
No dice, Reverend. I also accepted a retainer from one Ernst Helms. I've decided to do business with him instead.

Matthew Stoker:
Helms?

Gilbert Archer:
You'll get your money back.

Matthew Stoker:
But Mr. Archer, Helms and I are in partnership.

Gilbert Archer:
What?

Matthew Stoker:
It was he who secured my Bible for me.

Gilbert Archer:
No kidding? You've got the other Bible?

Matthew Stoker:
You don't believe me. Perhaps you wouldn't be so skeptical if Helms confirmed it in person.

Gilbert Archer:
Frankly, Reverend, I'd be very surprised. If Helms agrees, I'd be glad to turn this Bible over to you.

Matthew Stoker:
May I? [He dials the phone] Hello, my dear. Has Mr. Helms arrived yet? Excellent. I'm speaking from Mr. Archer's apartment. Mr. Archer would like a consultation with him. Will you ask him to wait for us? Thank you, my dear. [He turns to Archer] Would you like to speak to him?

Gilbert Archer:
No.

Matthew Stoker:
That's all, my dear. Thank you. Now, Mr. Archer, would you be good enough to accompany me and bring the Bible?

Gilbert Archer:
OK, Reverend. [He suddenly frisks Stoker] I just want to make sure.

Matthew Stoker:
Not this visit.

Gilbert Archer:
After you.

Gilbert Archer:
Is this where you hold your Wednesday night prayer meetings?

Matthew Stoker:
Oh no, Mr. Archer. On Wednesday nights, I preach at the mission.

Gilbert Archer:
That I'd like to see. Good evening, Mrs. Stoker.

Mrs. Stoker:
It's so nice of you to call, Mr. Archer.

Gilbert Archer:
Well, Mr. Bradford. Now isn't this comfy?

Rev. George Bradford:
You don't seem very surprised to find me here, Archer.

Gilbert Archer:
Surprised? Mr. Bradford, I already had you pegged as a member of the unholy family.

Rev. George Bradford:
Really? Since when?

Gilbert Archer:
Since earlier this evening when we met at the hotel.

Matthew Stoker:
Mr. Archer is a little late in putting two and two together, but he's a man of keen perception. And now, Mr. Archer, the Bible if you please.

Gilbert Archer:
According to our deal, Mr. Helms was to confirm this transaction in person.

Rev. George Bradford:
I assure you we're all most anxiously waiting for Mr. Helms. Rausch went to fetch him, and he should be here presently.

Gilbert Archer:
Rausch? [He notes that Stoker is carrying a gun] I wouldn't dream of quibbling.

Matthew Stoker:
Bradford, come over here!

Rev. George Bradford:
The page that contains the code has been torn out.

Gilbert Archer:
Oh, that page! Now isn't that careless of me?

Rev. George Bradford:
What have you done with it?

Gilbert Archer:
I completely forgot to tell you about it. I left it in the safe at my hotel.

Matthew Stoker:
What was on that page?

Rev. George Bradford:
Stoker!

Gilbert Archer:
Now we mustn't lose our heads, must we, Bradford? Because if anything happens to me, you'll lose your last chance at finding that painting.

Rev. George Bradford:
Very shrewdly put, Mr. Archer. As soon as Rausch brings Helms here, you're going with us to your apartment. There you're going to give us the missing page.

Gilbert Archer:
I'll make you a proposition. You want that missing page. I want information.

Mrs. Stoker:
Information, Mr. Archer?

Gilbert Archer:
Let me put it this way. I have a few theories I'd like to have you confirm.

Matthew Stoker:
Mr. Archer, you've always found me a very reasonable man.

Gilbert Archer:
You've been reasonable, Holy Joe, but not very bright. You thought I was in this for the money, but from the first I only wanted to find out one thing: Who murdered Father Walsh. You did, you and that trained ape of yours.

Mrs. Stoker:
Isn't that interesting?

Gilbert Archer:
You didn't intend to kill Father Walsh, but when you put Rausch to work on him, he got too rough.

Matthew Stoker:
Brilliant, Mr. Archer!

Gilbert Archer:
And then you hanged his dead body from a beam and made it appear that a priest of God had taken his own life. You, Bradford, you called me to your office to make sure that my apartment would be unoccupied. While you were searching it, Catherine Walsh arrived with the first Bible, and you killed Catherine Walsh. Those are the theories I wanted to verify. Well, let's go.

Rev. George Bradford:
Not yet. We're waiting for Mr. Helms to confirm the transaction.

Gilbert Archer:
I'm willing to forego that now.

Matthew Stoker:
No, no. We wouldn't have you do that, Mr. Archer. We'll wait. You were so insistent upon seeing him.

Rev. George Bradford:
[Rausch walks in] You brought everything, Rausch? [He nods] Good work. I'm glad you got here all right.

Gilbert Archer:
Mr. Helms got here all right too, didn't he - in the trunk.

Matthew Stoker:
You know that too, Mr. Archer?

Gilbert Archer:
Yeah, I know that. You came back to Helms' apartment to get rid of the trunk, but you found me there when you arrived. I found the trunk ready to be shipped, yet two of his suits were still hanging in his closet. Obviously there wasn't room for them. I still wasn't sure, but when you were so eager to have Helms' belongings taken to your home, I was convinced his body was in the trunk.

Rev. George Bradford:
Right. The trunk is here now, and tonight it'll be at the bottom of the East River. Maybe you'll be there too, Archer.

Matthew Stoker:
But first, Mr. Archer, we're going to your apartment, and you're going to tell the desk clerk to get that missing page out of the safe. After we've conducted our business, you may find that trunk a bit cramped, but you won't mind the inconvenience - then. [the police come in]

Gilbert Archer:
I completely forgot to tell you. The police were following the trunk.