The Wedding Date

Nick Mercer:
A wedding is a sacrament... a joyous celebration of love and commitment. In Utopia. In the real world... it's an excuse to drink excessively and say things you shouldn't say.

Nick Mercer:
[to Edward] The hardest thing is loving someone and then having the courage to let them love you back. But if you know her sh*t and she knows yours, and at the end of the day if you still would rather give up than try, nothings ever going to be worth it. Maybe think about it this way... you go back, you get to spend the rest of your life having really great makeup sex.

TJ:
[to Kat, about Jeffrey and Nick] Darling, why spend anymore time on that horse's ass when Mr. Tie-Me-Up-Tie-Me-Down is standing right over there?

TJ:
[after seeing Nick wink] Oh God. I think I've just come.

TJ:
[sees Kat with Jeffery] Oh my God! Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! Top Kat! Ooooh! Where the bloody hell have you been? I have gynecologists that call more often.

Kat Ellis:
You have more than one gynecologist?

TJ:
You have to play them off. Otherwise they think you're easy. [turns to Jeffery] Hello a**hole. Listen, since you dumped my cousin brutally, and without cause, you won't mind if I just steal her away will you? Thanks

Nick Mercer:
Close your eyes. Close your eyes. Close... your... eyes. You're safe. You can relax. I'm not going to kiss you. He's gonna be so sorry he lost you, so stop worrying. Forget the past. Forget the pain. And remember what an incredible woman you are. You do that and he'll realize what he lost.

Kat Ellis:
Holy crap. You're worth every penny.

Kat Ellis:
You know what pisses me off? I've been spilling my guts all weekend and I don't know a thing about you.

Nick Mercer:
[pause] I'm allergic to fabric softener. I majored in comparative literature at Brown. I hate anchovies. And I think I'd miss you even if we never met.

Jeffrey:
[about Nick] There's something about him I don't like.

Edward:
He's 9% body fat and shagging your ex-girlfriend.

Nick:
When I told you I've never done a wedding before, it wasn't because I've never been asked. I just never said yes.

Kat:
Why'd you say yes to me?

Nick:
There was something in your voice on the phone that day.

Kat:
Desperation?

Nick:
I think it was hope.

Amy:
Hey.

Kat:
Hey.

Amy:
I just... [pauses] I wanted to thank you for not outing me in front of Ed. I want to tell him just not the night before our wedding, you know... with these things, timing is everything.

Kat:
You're right. [pauses] You should really time it right so that when he hears that you repeatedly screwed his best friend, he won't feel like the whole world is collapsing around him, and there's no escape because you tricked him into marrying you.

Amy:
Kat...

Kat:
[brightly] Oh, don't worry. Your wedding will be perfect tomorrow. I'll smile and say all the right things, and you'll deal with Ed when you're ready. But right now, tonight, I'm not going to pretend it's okay.

Jeffrey:
Kat, could I have a word? It'll only take a moment.

Bunny:
Well, let me think. You stole seven years of her life with your bullshit and your charm and now you'd like just a moment? Sure, go right ahead.

Kat:
Thanks for the solidarity, Mom, but next time a little less information.

Victor:
[after seeing Nick and Kat waking up in his boat] Are you a boatsman, son?

Nick:
I am now, sir.

Victor:
Well, I'm glad to see that someone is making good use of her again. The boat I mean.

Kat Ellis:
[to Nick] You're like the Yoda of escorts. Getting you on the phone was harder than getting into college.

Kat Ellis:
Oh, I should warn you. You know those families where everyone's out of their minds, but at the end of the day they're you family, so you love them? Mine's not like that. I love my dad, but since he's my stepdad, he's technically not family. He's more like a hostage.

Nick Mercer:
[to Kat] Let me teach you a trick: if you look people in the eye, they won't notice what you're wearing.

Nick Mercer:
[at the Bachelorette Party] Well thank you for including me in this timeless feminine ritual. Here's to the husbands who've won you, the losers who've lost you, and the lucky bastards who've yet to meet you.

Nick Mercer:
Go ahead, Kat, hate me. I think you're running out of steam on this whole Jeffrey thing anyhow. Maybe now you'll be able to hold on to this long enough to ruin your next relationship.

Nick Mercer:
I'd rather fight with you than make love with anyone else.

Tj:
[to Kat and Amy] The only thing that you two have in common is that you're both secretly attracted to me.

Tj:
Will someone buy my Hoo-Ha a drink?

Tj:
[about Nick] Can you believe Kat gets to shag this guy? No, really, you should send God a bottle of wine or a quiche or something.