The Wrecking Crew

Lola Medina:
I've heard that you do... drink.

Matt Helm:
Just call it a hobby.

Count Massimo Contini:
Actually, I would have preferred to live in a different century, Florence in the 13th or Germany in the 18th. Wouldn't you, Mr. Helm?

Matt Helm:
No, it'd be all wrong. I'd be dead by now.

Freya Carlson:
[After falling into a deep pond] It's too deep.

Matt Helm:
Too deep, huh? [She nods] I wanna ask you a question. Whose side are you on?

Freya Carlson:
Well, I'm an agent. And I also happen to be a good one. And I'm also a woman! [She storms away]

Matt Helm:
It *was* the wig.

Count Massimo Contini:
Ten seconds behind schedule.

Linka Karensky:
Is that catastrophic?

Count Massimo Contini:
Yes. I deplore sloppiness.

Matt Helm:
[to the tune of 'The Sunny Side of the Street'] Grab your coat, get your pale, let me take you in the barn, dear. Just sit back and watch, 'cause I found a cow who gives scotch.

'Mac' MacDonald:
[about Linka] And remember, she's about as gentle as a barracuda.

'Mac' MacDonald:
[showing a new explosive device] It's so new we don't even have a name for it yet.

Matt Helm:
[throws the handkerchief to a safe distance, where it explodes upon hitting the ground] Why don't we call it a little bit of hanky panky?

Matt Helm:
Half a bottle is better than none.

Lola Medina:
I'm a gypsy, Mr. Helm. My father was a gypsy. And he taught us one thing: wise men enjoy pleasure before business.

Count Massimo Contini:
In our civilized business, this is the traditional time to offer you a cigarette or some liquid refreshment, perhaps. But since we are professional people on limiting time schedules, I suggest that we dispense with such amenities.

Matt Helm:
Oh, no, let's not dispense with any of those things.

Count Massimo Contini:
Please, Mr. Helm. stupidity has a tendency to make me impatient.

Matt Helm:
[Freya has pushed Lenka into the pool] What made you think she could swim?

Freya Carlson:
That was the only way to find out, right?

Yu-Rang:
Mr. Helm? Yu-Rang.

Matt Helm:
No I didn't. But since you're here, why don't you sit down?

Matt Helm:
[to Freya] I don't know what you got, but you sure got bad timing.

Matt Helm:
Wanna do me a favor?

Freya Carlson:
Yes sir.

Matt Helm:
Go play in the freeway. [turns to leave but turns back] Without a car!

Matt Helm:
[to the tune of 'Cry'] If your sweetheart puts a pistol in her bed, you'd do better sleeping with your uncle Fred...

Matt Helm:
So this is the place I was gonna get shot in the back. Kind of a stylish pad to take off from.

Matt Helm:
Well, I'm supposed to meet Linka tonight and they've set me up for a hit. But I'm gonnna shock her out of her miniskirt.

Freya Carlson:
It just so happens that I know where Yu-Rang hangs her kimono.

Matt Helm:
I'll bet you do.

Count Massimo Contini:
I would like to play poker with you, Mr. Helm, because you lie so unconvincingly.

Linka Karensky:
My dear, you must be terribly dedicated to your work, to wear an attrocious wig like that.

Freya Carlson:
How very common of you to mention it.

Freya Carlson:
[their car is a wreck] Mr. Helm, I'm afraid the car is broken.

Matt Helm:
The car is broken?

Freya Carlson:
Yes. [reaches inside the wreckage] Oh! My hat! My hat's ok.

Count Massimo Contini:
[on viewscreen] I could indulge myself by killing you, Mr Helm, but I will leave that small chore to our colleague Miss Carlson.