The X Factor

Simon Cowell:
[to a bad auditionee] You couldn't win this competition even if you were the only one in it!

Mollie King:
I love you Britney!

[Sharon Osbourne gives her verdict of Steve Brookstein's performance]

Herself - Judge:
You've got a very nice voice but you're too kind of slick. You're kind of Vegasy, slick. Every middle-aged woman would love to spend the night with you I'm sure. Everyone but me because you are Mr Slick Vegas. And you're not black so why try and sing like a black person because you ain't got soul! You haven't got soul. You got a very nice voice but you're Michael Bolton, the English version of Michael Bolton.

Himself - Judge:
[referring to Johnny's stage costume] He looks like he is in Aladdin.

Himself - Contestant:
You can rub my lamp anytime, Gary!

Himself - Judge:
Rylan, if this was a competition for how many songs you could kill in two minutes you will win... hands down. And interestingly when you started off actually the best bit was my song. After that it became this musical dirge to cover up the fact that you can't sing. Listen, Rylan, I'm never going to like this okay? I hear from everybody backstage you're a lovely guy and I'm sure if we sat and had a drink together I may well enjoy it for about thirty seconds.

Herself - Judge:
Shayne, I have something for you.

Himself - Contestant:
OK.

Herself - Judge:
It's warm, it feels really nice and it smells good too. [pause] When can I give it to you?

Himself - Contestant:
[cheekily] Right now.

Himself - Judge:
Johnny, I'm just very interested... where did you get your suit from? Argos?

[the audience boos Gary's put down]

Himself - Contestant:
No. It was from your wardrobe!

Himself - Judge:
Tulisa, I don't know what's offended me more - what you said or the fag ash breath!

Herself - Judge:
[speaking about Little Mix] We hear them in rehearsal and we hear how amazing their vocals are like I said last week. They are like a touch away from En Vogue. We don't have anything like that in this generation and we need that and they can bring it and we want to hear more of that.