Time Share

Waitress:
You are leaving? Where are you going?

Matthew 'Matt' Farragher:
Oh, for a couple of weeks of fun in the sun with my kids.

Waitress:
Kids? You have kids?

Matthew 'Matt' Farragher:
There's only one thing that's more seductive than cooking for a beautiful woman. That's cooking with her.

Matthew 'Matt' Farragher:
I rent this house for two weeks every summer. It's mine.

Dr. Julia Weiland:
Oh, really? Well, I happen to have a fully executed rental agreement.

Matthew 'Matt' Farragher:
I have one of those. I have one of those too. Not on me, or paramedically sealed in plastic, but I got one.

Matthew 'Matt' Farragher:
Look, I'll make it up to you. I promise.

Daphne Farragher:
Dad, you don't have to make it up to us. Just be there. Be our father.

Dr. Julia Weiland:
Russell is a good man. Solid, reliable.

Thomas Weiland:
Sounds like you meant a car.

Max Weiland:
I like Matt.

Thomas Weiland:
I thought you liked him.

Dr. Julia Weiland:
Matt? Matt's fine. For a few weeks on a vacation. A person like that in real life? You know what, you guys? I'm marrying Russell. I'm not gonna get involved with another man who walks out on his kids.

Daphne Farragher:
Men suck.

Dr. Julia Weiland:
Don't say that. Not yet.

Dr. Julia Weiland:
An hour ago you were a bowl full of jello.

Matthew 'Matt' Farragher:
Jello? I would never ever be jello. Chocolate pudding? Maybe. Never jello.

Matthew 'Matt' Farragher:
Here's to our first time. Cooking together.

Lewis Farragher:
Dad said I'm moving in with him in the summer.

Daphne Farragher:
Get it in writing.

Thomas Weiland:
Listen,you'd settle much rather for having your Dad not around than having Russell around.

Lewis Farragher:
Dad, you know this is the only time we spend together.

Matthew 'Matt' Farragher:
No, it's not.

Lewis Farragher:
Dad. Yes, it is. And you know that.

Matthew 'Matt' Farragher:
We've had a great trip, haven't we? I mean, we've had a lot of fun, right?

Daphne Farragher:
Yea. Come here and jump into the stupid ocean and play house for a couple of weeks. And that's supposed to last us for the rest of the year? Why don't you want to be with us Dad?

Dr. Julia Weiland:
Daphne told me about your plans.

Matthew 'Matt' Farragher:
Oh yea. We're going to look for a three-bedroom when we get back. I figure I need the kids around me to keep me in line.

Matthew 'Matt' Farragher:
Tell me that Russell is a turtle or a small hamster.

Thomas Weiland:
Close.

Thomas Weiland:
Stay weird, Daph. Strange works for you.