Tin Man

DG:
[after hearing screaming] Did you hear that?

Glitch:
Yes... no.

Cain:
If you don't have heart, you have nothing.

Cain:
[entering tavern to meet the Seeker] I don't like the looks of this place. Why don't you guys wait outside? I'll cut the deal myself.

DG:
No, I think we should - [dwarf shoves his way between the group] - stick together. I feel very safe with you guys.

Glitch:
Really? I don't.

DG:
[seeing Glitch hanging from the ceiling] What are you doing...

Glitch:
up here? The little ANKLE-BITERS, thought it would be funny to keep me hanging around. Untie me, and I might have the last laugh. [DG hesitates] Come on doll, if mom and pop really are on the road to central city, you're falling further and further behind.

DG:
You know the way?

Glitch:
Sure, though, it's kind of hard to give directions from up here. Unless you have a better offer?

DG:
I'm DG. This is...

Cain:
I know, a head-case.

Glitch:
I have a proper name... and when I remember it I will tell you.

DG:
What's a head-case?

Cain:
It's what the state does to re-educate criminals. Remove their brains, and keep them trapped inside their own heads. Ain't that right, convict?

Glitch:
Whoa, I ain't no convict! [hesitates] And just in case I am, it was a bogus charge, a frame job, I'm sure of it!

DG:
[referring to the device stuck in the wooden post] What is it?

Glitch:
A TDESPHTL. A tri-dimensional energy stored projected holographic time loop. Nifty little thing... Hey, I think I invented it...

Raw:
[about Cain] Brave man... good man... Tin Man...

Glitch:
Oh, I might have known you were a Tin Man, with that attitude!

DG:
What's a Tin Man?

Glitch:
It's what they call police in Central City. [hesitates] Or, at least, I think it is...

Glitch:
[to the angry cyborgs] We were just passing through... we were just passing through... we were just passing through... [Cain hits him and he stops]

DG:
All my dad's stories! My parents were from here!

DG:
Hey, you knew my mother.

Glitch:
I knew I wasn't an idiot! [to Cain] Or a convict!

Azkadellia:
[to DG] What did she whisper in your ear?

Glitch:
[to Azkadellia, about DG] Leave her alone.

Man in audience:
Mystic Man, answer me this: What is the meaning of life?

Mystic Man:
That question is as timeless as the moons. We must seek to serve the forces of the universe in all our humanity, and all our humility. [Azkadellia's vapors are being sprayed] First, we must inhale the magic...

Glitch:
This is the man with all the answers?

Mystic Man:
...and HOLD IT, HOLD IT...

Glitch:
He's out of his mind, literally!

Mystic Man:
...AND YOU KNOW THE MEANING OF LIFE! [laughs]

Glitch:
[walking over to a piece of furniture] There is something so *familiar* about this...

[takes the sheet off the harp]

Glitch:
No.

Glitch:
[about the girl in the mirror] That's Azkadellia. Marbles or not, evil like that you don't forget.

Glitch:
You've been sleeping for hours... like a baby with his pacifier.

Cain:
I thought you were dead.

Glitch:
Ditto. You know, I may have saved you from hypothermia, but um, [holds up the horse toy] this is what saved your life. It stopped the bullet.

Cain:
DG?

Glitch:
Azkadellia.

Cain:
Raw?

Glitch:
Ah, I don't know I can't find him. Either they took him too, or he's dead. Or...

Cain:
Maybe he ran away.

Glitch:
You know you really should do something about that BITTER cynicism of yours Cain!

Cain:
Why? Someone's gotta keep your wide-eyed optimism in check. [silence] Hey, Glitch?

Glitch:
What?

Cain:
I owe you one.

Glitch:
[smiles] You know Cain, professional psychiatric help is only a crow's call away these days. I think someone like you with your issues with masculinity, and what we call it the boy scout syndrome...

Cain:
[to Toto after discovering his betrayal] I'd shoot you in the heart if I thought you had one.

Cain:
[to Longcoat] Drop it, or I'll blow you into next week.

Azkadellia:
Learn to love me, mother. Learn to trust me, and I will give you back your throne. Put the crown upon your head and kneel at your feet. The loyal daughter you always dreamed of.

Lavender Eyes:
You're *not* my daughter.

Azkadellia:
How could you say such a thing? You made me who I am.

Lavender Eyes:
No.

Azkadellia:
Tell me where the Emerald is!

Lavender Eyes:
Not while there's still a breath in my body!

Glitch:
I'm not saying they called me 'Twinkle-toes' but I cut quite a rug... Oh, you can make a face Cain, but here was a time I was a *terrific* dancer. She may have taken my brain, but *rhythm* that comes directly from the...

Cain:
[interrupting] Do you have any bright ideas how to get in there?

Glitch:
I mean, I don't mind taxing my half a brain for DG, but just *once* I'd like someone to admire me for my *rhythm*. Which, as I was saying before I was so *rudely* interrupted, comes directly from the *soul*. [Cain gives him the look] You know, Cain, sometimes you make me feel just like those ladies at the dance, like I blend right in with the wallpaper...

Cain:
[looking at Longcoats] That's not a bad idea.

Glitch:
[surprised] Wanna dance?

Cain:
I'll lead, you follow.

Cain:
[after taking out several Longcoats] You're a deep well, Glitch.

Glitch:
It's all about rhythm.

Demilo:
Central City people gather 'round! Antoine Demilo is back in town!

Mystic Man:
[after DG slaps him] You have most beautiful, brilliant, blue-eyes, but your mother, your mother had lavender.

DG:
You do remember!

Glitch:
[surrounded by Papays] It's almost dinner time!

Cain:
[to Toto while crossing the gap in the OZ] If you shape shift, I swear I'll drop ya.

Raw:
Papay once peaceful.

Glitch:
Yeah? Well now the only 'peace' they're interested in is a *piece* of us!

Cain:
It amazes me that you once influenced the queen.

Glitch:
I know, me too!

Toto:
The time to leave is now.

Cain:
Sorry Pooch, but this is where we part company.

Toto:
Part?

Cain:
With the Mobats in the sky and the Longcoats on our trail, I don't have time to figure out what your angle is in all this.

Toto:
My 'angle' is her mother sent me to help her.

Cain:
And you did. I'd even thank you, if I knew who you were...

Glitch:
Whoa, Mister-Suspicious! This is the man... dog... [whispers] thingy... that helped us escape!

DG:
[referring to the spinning doll] Am I really doing this?

Glitch:
[to Azkadellia about the queen] Show some respect!

Azkadellia:
The queen's reign ends today.

Azkadellia:
Last time 'complications', this time 'problems'?

Azkadellia:
[after killing the former Chief of Police] Zero, you've just been promoted.

DG:
Who's A-hamo?

Young DG:
Toto...

Toto:
It's *Tutor*, now focus.

Cain:
[referring to Glitch] What's he doing now?

Jeb:
[to Cain, when he can't find Zero] What did you do?

Azkadellia:
Welcome back, little sister. There's no place like the O.Z.

Pop Robot:
You had that crazy nightmare again, huh?

DG:
In Technicolor.

[last lines]

DG:
That's the O.Z. I remember. I'm so glad to be home.

Glitch:
[to DG] Gotta be careful not to lose your marbles.

[laughs]

Glitch:
But ah, since the sorceress made her medicos take mine, well, you flick the abacus.

Glitch:
[watching Zero attacking Cain and his family] Even with half a brain, I can tell that we've gotta get out of here.

[DG grabs a stick and runs toward them]

DG:
[seeing Glitch hanging from the ceiling] What are you doing...

Glitch:
up here? The little ANKLE-BITERS, thought it would be funny to keep me hanging around. Loosen that rope, and I might have the last laugh. [DG hesitates] Come on doll, if mom and pop really are on the route to central city, then you're falling further and further behind.

DG:
You know the way?

Glitch:
Sure, though, it's kind of hard to give directions like this. Unless you have a better offer?

DG:
I'm DG, by the way. And this is...

Cain:
I know, a head-case.

Glitch:
I have a proper name, you know. A-And when I remember it, I will tell you.

DG:
What's a head-case?

Cain:
It's what the state does to re-educate criminals. Rip out their brains, make 'em prisoners of their own minds. Ain't that right, convict?

Glitch:
Hey! Whoa, I ain't no convict! [hesitates] And just in case I am, it-it was a bogus charge, a-a frame job, I'm sure of it!

Glitch:
My noggin' wasn't always this way you know. In my hay-day, I was government advisor numero one. I was the top dog's... right-hand man.

Red Katt:
Will Azkadellia attack from the east?

DG:
Who?

Red Katt:
The sorceress Azkadellia! The one for whom you spy! From which direction will her men come? Will they walk or will they fly?

DG:
Okay, how many times do I have to tell you guys that nothing you've said has made any sense to me?

Glitch:
Name's Glitch, on account of sometimes my synapses don't fire right. Sometimes my synapses don't fire right.

DG:
You just said that.

Glitch:
Did I? There you go, glitching again!

DG:
[referring to the tin suit] How long were you trapped in there?

Cain:
[nodding to a tree that's about fifty feet tall] Since that was a sapling.

DG:
Why would they remove your brain?

Glitch:
'Cause of what I know. Or used to know.

Cain:
I'll see you down the road.

DG:
Oh, actually, a road is what we're looking for. We're looking for the...

DG, Glitch:
Brick Route.

DG:
That leads to a place called...

DG, Glitch:
Central City.

DG:
Do you know of it?

Cain:
Yeah. That's where Zero was headed after... It's where I'm headed now.

DG:
Great! We'll go with you.

Cain:
I got business. Besides, I don't travel with kids, or convicts.

Cain:
Look, nothing personal kid, but look at you. First sign of trouble, you're just gonna cut and run.

DG:
Nothing personal, but when we found you, you were in a tin box! You don't know me. Come on Glitch, we'll find the way ourselves.

[DG and Glitch walk off]

Cain:
The way? The way leads through the fields of the Papay.

Glitch:
[Glitch stops] Papay?

DG:
[DG walks back] What? I've been tossed into a storm, trussed up by lawn gnomes, chased by mad men on horseback, how bad can Papays be?

Cain:
I've seen them gnaw poeple in half in thirty seconds. [pause] Zipper-head keep your mouth shut, kid you stay behind me.

DG:
Why the sudden change of heart?

Cain:
Believe me, heart's got nothing to do with it.

DG:
Hey, you wanna come closer to the fire? Warm up?

Raw:
Shoulda left me to die.

Glitch:
Oh great, a basket-case!

Cain:
[when Raw makes a scary face] You want that bad attitude dripping out your ears?

Raw:
[about Cain] Brave man. Good man. Tin Man.

Glitch:
Oh, I mighta known you were a Tin Man, what with that attitude!

DG:
What's a Tin Man?

Glitch:
It-It's what they call policemen in Central City. [hesitates] At least, I think it is.

Emily:
We are, series 1487, nurture units.

DG:
[shocked, and confused] Um, 'nurture units'?

Hank:
We were programmed with specific protocols to love and protect you like you were our own.

DG:
Okay, that's weird. Um, you're robots? Oh, my life is a lie!

Emily:
It wasn't a lie to us. We-we feel like your parents, DG. We love you! But-but our deeper purpose was to tell you the stories of our world, stories that would prepare you for your return.

DG:
My return?

DG:
[reciting] All of life's answers, are found along the Old Road.

Cain:
[looking at DG curiously] Did you just say 'Old Road?' That's what the locals call the Brick Road. I thought you said you'd never been here before.

DG:
I haven't been here... before. But... I know this place.

DG:
You knew my mother.

Glitch:
I knew I wasn't an idiot! [to Cain] Or a convict!

Man in audience:
Mystic Man, answer me this: What is the meaning of life?

Mystic Man:
The answer to that question is as timeless as the moons. We must serve the forces of the universe in all our humanity, and all our humility.

[Azkadellia's vapors are being sprayed]

Mystic Man:
First, we must inhale the magic...

Glitch:
This is the man with all the answers? What's wrong with him?

Mystic Man:
And hold it!

Glitch:
He's out of his mind, literally!

Mystic Man:
Hold it! And you know the meaning of life! [laughs]

Cain:
[after being chased by the Papays to the edge of a cliff] Go!

Glitch:
The fall might kill us!

Cain:
Well, they definitely will!

DG:
[at the Northern Island] Dig!

Glitch:
Dig?

Cain:
What do you mean dig? Wait, wait, wait!

DG:
[reciting, while digging with an ax] Daughter of light came upon a glistening white mountain, frozen in time on a sea of ice. Above all else she knew, that this mountain was more than it appeared. It was home!

Cain:
[jumping off a cliff] Okay, on the count of three. One...

Glitch:
THREE!

Glitch:
[happily] Hey, there's that guy who locked up Cain. [gasps, scared]

Raw:
We go now.

Glitch:
We've gotta get outta here.

DG:
No, I'm not leaving until I get my answers.

Twister Dancer, Second Twister Dancer:
[sung] He's the Man, the Mystic Man/ He'll answer your questions, he always can/ His wisdom is known throughout the land!/ He's got the plan/ the Mystic, the Mystic, the Mystic, THE MYSTIC MAN!

Azkadellia:
The little b*tch has gone to see the wizard.

Lavender Eyes:
[in DG's dream] Two little princesses dancing in a row/spinning fast and freely on their little toes/where the light will take you/there's only one way to know/two little princesses dancing in a row.

DG:
[trying to talk to the Mystic Man on Vapors] Sir, Sir, Sir, you have some answers.

Mystic Man:
Answers?

DG:
Yes.

Mystic Man:
Sure.

DG:
Many years ago, you helped a woman smuggle a child out of the OZ.

Mystic Man:
Out of the OZ?

DG:
Yes.

Mystic Man:
Yes. Yes.

DG:
Yes.

Mystic Man:
Out of the OZ, yes!

Mystic Man:
You stay with her at all costs.

Cain:
I have to take care of Zero.

Mystic Man:
You know who she is now! She's the key. Promise me. I want your word as a Tin Man. You will not leave her side at any cost!

Cain:
[hesitates] You have my word.

Demilo:
What are you gunning for Zero for? That's a short hop to a deep grave.

DG:
Elmer Gulch is a menace to the community.

Glitch:
Gotta be careful not to lose your marbles. But ah, since the sorceress made her medicos take mine, well, you flick the abacus.

Glitch:
I've been thinkin', if Mystic Man really does have all the answers, then maybe, after he's helped DG find her mom, he could help me refill my noggin. Give Raw here some spine, and maybe do something for you about your lousy attitude!

Cain:
Or maybe he could put a zipper where it'll do some good.

Demilo:
[shouting] How can you do this to me? I have a wife and children! This is my wagon!

Cain:
How do you start this thing?

Demilo:
Oh, you gotta pull the knob out, then-then twist the red thing.

Azkadellia:
Do you see anything that will stand in my way?

Lylo:
Lylo SEES nothing... but...

Azkadellia:
'But... ' What?

Lylo:
Lylo feels - a presence. A glimmer of light, in the darkness. Light from the other side.

Azkadellia:
The other side...?

[Azkadellia's scrying tank shows Lylo's vision of DG's farmhouse]

Azkadellia:
General Lonot, awaken a travel-storm. Take a small company of men, and slip through to the other side. Find this light... and extinguish it.

DG:
[serving a piece of apple pie] This isn't my day.

State Trooper:
[handing DG a speeding ticket] Sure isn't.

DG:
Thank you!

[first lines]

Lavender Eyes:
A storm is coming. A storm is coming.

Young Azkadellia:
She says there's wild animals in the forest.

Young DG:
Did she say what kind of wild animals?

Young Azkadellia:
Lions and tigers and...

[a bear lumbers in and roars]

Young DG:
Oh my!

[they drop apples they are holding]

Cain:
[seeing DG speaking to a dog] You're taking directions from a dog.

Glitch:
[to the dog] Left... or left?

Glitch:
You've been sleeping for hours like a - like a baby with his pacifier.

Cain:
I thought you were dead.

Glitch:
Ditto. You know, I may have saved you from hypothermia, but, um, [holds up the horse toy] this is what saved your life. It stopped the bullet.

Cain:
DG?

Glitch:
Azkadellia.

Cain:
Raw?

Glitch:
Ah, I don't know I can't find him. Either they took him too, or he's dead. Or...

Cain:
Maybe he ran away.

Glitch:
You know you really should do something about that *bitter* cynicism of yours, Cain!

Cain:
Why? Someone's gotta keep your wide-eyed optimism in check. [silence] Hey, Glitch?

Glitch:
What?

Cain:
I owe you one.

Glitch:
[smiles] You know Cain, professional psychiatric theropy's only a crow's call away these days. I think a man like you with your issues with masculinity, and the-what we called the boy scout syndrome...

Azkadellia:
[to the Mystic Man] If it isn't the great and terrible blah blah blah himself.

Azkadellia:
[to the Mystic Man] Not so Great and Terrible after all, huh?

Glitch:
I'm not saying they called me 'Twinkle-toes' or anything, but I cut quite a rug. Oh, you can make a face Cain, but it's true. There was a time I was a *fantastic* dancer. She may have taken my brains, but *rhythm*, that comes directly from your...

Cain:
[interrupting] Do you have any bright ideas how to get in there?

Glitch:
I mean, I don't mind taxing my half a brain for DG, but just *once* I wish that someone would acknowledge me for my *rhythm*. Which, as I was trying to say before I was so *rudely* interrupted, comes directly from the *soul*. [Cain gives him the look] Sometimes, Cain, you make me feel just like those ladies at the dance did. Like I blend right into the wallpaper.

Cain:
[looking at Longcoats] That's a good idea.

Glitch:
[surprised] You wanna dance?

Cain:
I'll lead, you follow.

Azkadellia:
The little witch is reconnecting with her past.

Lavender Eyes:
Then hope lives. And what about you, Azkadellia? Perhaps DG isn't the only one who needs to unlock her memories.

Azkadellia:
I'm only concerned with the future.

Lavender Eyes:
Then why are you here, talking to me? Why have you locked me away for all these years? Kept my hope alive?

Azkadellia:
To see your face... the day that hope dies.

Raw:
[pointing] Cabin.

Glitch:
Probably full of Longcoats.

Cain:
No, look at the smoke.

Glitch:
So? They lit a fire. Longcoats get cold, too.

Cain:
It's *blue*.

Mystic Man:
Azkadellia, as I live and breathe. [laughs] So far.

Mystic Man:
Your sister is more powerful than you.

Azkadellia:
She will never be as powerful as me.

Mystic Man:
Then why are you so scared?

[Azkadellia starts to kill him, but stops]

Mystic Man:
I know you, *witch*!

Azkadellia:
What... do you know?

DG:
Did it always look so dead?

Cain:
No, this used to be some of the most fertile land in the OZ. Orchards, nurseries.

Glitch:
Gotta love a good orchard! Full of succulent fruit for all the people to eat. Free too, if you're a good fence climber. Mind you, those scarecrows kinda freak me out.

DG:
So what happened?

Cain:
About fifteen annuals ago, all the crops died, which then caused the great famine.

DG:
I bet I can guess who's responsible.

Glitch:
You'd think somebody would've helped them with their crops. Maybe engineered a doohickey with a couple of thingies... Gotta love a good orchard!

Glitch:
[looking at their wanted poster] That is a *terrible* picture of me.

Raw:
[nods in agreement] Mm-hmm.

Glitch:
Did I ever tell you I was afraid of heights?

DG:
You were hanging from the ceiling when I met you.

Glitch:
Involuntarily!

Tutor:
I suggest we keep moving.

Cain:
Sorry Pooch, but this is where we part company.

Tutor:
Part?

Cain:
With the Longcoats on our trail and the Mobats in the sky, I don't have time to figure out what your angle is in all this.

Tutor:
My 'angle' is her mother sent me to help.

Cain:
And you did. I'd even thank you, if I knew who you were, or what.

Glitch:
Whoa, Mister-Suspicious! This is the man... dog...

[whispers]

Glitch:
thingy... who helped us escape!

Ralph Bedose:
[Ralph and Lorraine have loaded guns] State your business.

Cain:
We mean you no harm. We're travelers of the realms, seeking a warm meal and a cold cup of grog.

Ralph Bedose:
Food is scarce this time of year, and the grog has long since been seized.

Cain:
Then we will leave you in peace. May your hearth be warm.

Ralph Bedose:
And your smoke be blue. Come in quickly.

Cain:
What mine?

Ralph Bedose:
Some mine in the Black Mountains.

Glitch:
Moritainium. Big M, little T, number 216 in the OZian periodic table. Ha ha, school days. I remember a lovely lass named Leona...

DG:
Moritainium, what's it for?

Glitch:
Besides its strength, Moritainium is valued for it's ability to conduct magical energy.

Glitch:
[after seeing some of Glitch's memories] Oh my, ha ha. The name's Glitch, have we...

[seeing DG]

Glitch:
Are you okay?

DG:
Yes, Glitch, I'm fine.

Glitch:
[seeing their faces] What? Is my machine so bad?

Cain:
[impressed] No, but whatever it is, you sure sacrificed a lot to stop Azkadellia.

DG:
[hugs Glitch gratefully] That's why she had to go straight to the source.

Glitch:
Well, I guess it wasn't the biggest sacrifice ever made for science.

DG:
But it sure is up there!

DG:
You know, my mother was really good with to 'To-Do' lists, she just wasn't so good with the 'How To-Do' lists.

DG:
That was all fake? You are twisted!

Azkadellia:
Why? Because with a little rewiring I've gotten something I've missed out on for too long; father's love, hmph, mother's affection, hmph.

Glitch:
She wasn't always all ermine robes and thee's and thou's. She started off just like you; feisty but fair.

DG:
My mother has done so much for me, and I don't even know her name.

Glitch:
Oh, well that's easy. Her name was Queen... [he can't remember]

DG:
It's okay.

Glitch:
But she was happy to make the sacrifices she thought were right. We should all love someone that much.

Tutor:
Azkadellia?

Azkadellia:
A little older, a lot smarter, and most definitely still in charge, hmph.

Tutor:
Nothing like a violent coup to win the hearts and minds of a kingdom.

Azkadellia:
Good, you still have a memory, maybe the one thing that can save you.

Tutor:
What do you want?

Azkadellia:
What I want is the very thing you've devoted your feeble life to. Magic, my friend. Those that can't 'do' teach, remember?

Young Azkadellia:
Your adventures have a way of getting me into trouble.

[Azkadellia is starting to fight against the witch's control. Images of both her past and present self flicker in and out]

Young Azkadellia:
I'm scared.

DG:
[tearfully, her hand outstretched] I'm here, and I'll *never* run away again! Take my hand!

Glitch:
You know, when I had a brain I was twice as scared as I am now with only half a brain. Which means that if I had no brain at all I would be four times braver then I was when I was brainy.

Azkadellia:
Do you know how long I've waited to see that look on your face? No phony smile, no brave front... Just pure and utter *shock*. It may be the most honest gift you've ever given me, *mother*.

DG:
Glitch. You're the smartest guy I know.

Glitch:
Nah, you're just saying that to make me feel good.

Glitch:
This is all my fault. If I hadn't thought of my machine in the first place, she never would have been able to twist it.

Raw:
Yeah.

Alchemist:
[with a cow prod] You never understood! All you people need is encouragement!

Raw:
[takes the cow prod] RAW JUST NEED COURAGE!

[zaps the Alchemist]

Cain:
I know what you're doing, kid. I've lead men through battle myself.

DG:
And, um, how am I doing?

Cain:
Well, there's less *hugging* when I do it.

Airofday:
Questions are answers unspoken.

Glitch:
Isn't it a little cramped in there?

Airofday:
Reference to uncomfortable tight spaces, answer: Yes.

DG:
Where can we find the Seeker?

Glitch:
[Airofday points in six directions] And you thought I had trouble with directions!

[after meeting her long-lost father]

DG:
I had a real father. He was a robot, but he was there for me.