Topper

George Kerby:
My pet, resting's the sort of thing you've got to work up to gradually... very dangerous to rest all of a sudden.

Marion Kerby:
Hey, George, is this 10:30 in the morning?

George Kerby:
No, this is Topper's bank.

Cosmo Topper:
Good morning, Clara.

Mrs. Topper:
Good morning, dear. You're late.

Cosmo Topper:
Oh... better late than never. Only 44 seconds, anyhow.

Cosmo Topper:
Bullion abroad and in transit, thirteen million, two hundred and two thousand, eight hundred and fifty-four dollars and no cents.

George Kerby:
No sense.

Cosmo Topper:
I just said that, Mr. Kerby.

George Kerby:
So did I.

Marion Kerby:
Why don't you stop being a mummy for a few minutes and come to life? Of course, there's nothing wrong with being a mummy if you had any fun getting that way.

Cosmo Topper:
But I... I didn't, you see.

Marion Kerby:
No, I can tell that by the way you're staring at my knees.

Cosmo Topper:
So I'm a ditherer? Well, I'm jolly well going to dither, then!

Secretary:
Well, bless my blonde heart!

Hotel Manager:
Perhaps you can explain the red on this cigarette.

Cosmo Topper:
Yes, I... cut my tongue when I was shaving this morning.

Marion Kerby:
Let's go have some dinner.

Cosmo Topper:
Oh no, we cannot eat on an empty stomach!

Marion Kerby:
Then we better have a few drinks first!

Kerby, George:
Say, if I'm in the way, you folks could leave.

Cosmo Topper:
My wife objects to drinking.

George Kerby:
Then she shouldn't drink.

Cosmo Topper:
She doesn't.

George Kerby:
What's her objection?