Training Day

Alonzo Harris:
You hear that, homey? You wanna go to jail or you wanna go home? Huh?

Crackhead #1:
What you think?

Alonzo Harris:
They got room for you at the booty house, you ever been to the booty house. Big boys have you grab you ankles...

Crackhead #1:
Suck my dick, b*tch. I know people.

Alonzo Harris:
That's how it starts. What about you, my man? Where's yo' horn?

Crackhead #2:
I ain't got nothin' on me, man.

Alonzo Harris:
You sure?

Crackhead #2:
Yeah, man.

Alonzo Harris:
You got money, though.

Alonzo Harris:
Ooohh, you lied to me, you lied to me. Lucky I don't make you eat that, dawg.

Blue:
I told ya'll I don't work for nobody. Why the f*** are ya'll sweatin' me any mothaf***in' way?

Alonzo Harris:
To protect the sheep you gotta catch the wolf, and it takes a wolf to catch a wolf.

Alonzo Harris:
This sh*t's chess, it ain't checkers

Alonzo Harris:
They build jails 'cause of me.

Alonzo Harris:
Aww, you motherf***ers. Okay. Alright. I'm putting cases on all you b*tches. Huh. You think you can do this sh*t... Jake. You think you can do this to me? You motherf***ers will be playing basketball in Pelican Bay when I get finished with you. Shoe program, nigga. 23 hour lockdown. I'm the man up in this piece. You'll never see the light of... who the f*** do you think you're f***ing with? I'm the police, I run sh*t around here. You just live here. Yeah, that's right, you better walk away. Go on and walk away... 'cause I'm gonna' burn this motherf***er down. King Kong ain't got sh*t on me. That's right, that's right. Sh*t, I don't, f***. I'm winning anyway, I'm winning... I'm winning any motherf***ing way. I can't lose. Yeah, you can shoot me, but you can't kill me.

Alonzo Harris:
King Kong ain't got sh*t on me!

Jake Hoyt:
That's street justice.

Alonzo Harris:
What's wrong with street justice?

Jake Hoyt:
Oh, what, so just let the animals wipe themselves out, right?

Alonzo Harris:
God willing. F*** 'em, and everybody that looks like 'em.

Alonzo Harris:
It's not what you know, it's what you can prove.

Alonzo Harris:
You got a kid, right?

Jake Hoyt:
Yeah, I got a little girl.

Alonzo Harris:
I've got five. All boys. You ever need a son, you let me know. I'll hook your old lady up. I can't miss.

Jake Hoyt:
Can we not talk about my family?

Alonzo Harris:
That's cool, I respect that. I remember what it was to have a pretty young bride. You probably still f*** her face to face, don't you?

Alonzo Harris:
Yeah whatever. Whatever the f*** ever.

Alonzo Harris:
Oh where, Oh where has my little Jake gone? Oh where, oh where can he be?

Alonzo Harris:
Yeah, you dead now. Turn down drugs to a dealer and the police chief is handing your wife a crisp flag. What the f*** is wrong with you?

Jake Hoyt:
I've been a pig for 19 months.

Jake Hoyt:
I should have been a fireman.

Alonzo Harris:
Why don't you entertain me with some of your bullshit.

Alonzo Harris:
Believe it or not, I do try to do some good in the community.

Alonzo Harris:
If I was a dealer, you'd be dead by now.

Alonzo Harris:
Motha f***er. You shot me in the ass.

Alonzo Harris:
Sh*t, you can shoot me, but you can't kill me.

Alonzo Harris:
Get some chow in you before we go to the office, my dollar.

Jake Hoyt:
Thank you sir, but I ate...

Alonzo Harris:
Fine, don't.

Jake Hoyt:
It's nice here.

Alonzo Harris:
May I read my paper?

Jake Hoyt:
I'm sorry, sir, I...

Alonzo Harris:
Thank you.

Jake Hoyt:
You know what, I'll get something to eat.

Alonzo Harris:
Oh Hell no you won't, you f***ed that up.

Smiley:
You got the right to be b*tch-slapped.

Alonzo Harris:
You KNOW I'm surgical with this b*tch.

Jake Hoyt:
Its not so fun when the rabbit has a gun.

Alonzo Harris:
Its not like I was pointing a gun at your head.

Alonzo Harris:
When was the last time you smoked weed?

Jake Hoyt:
High school... We were...

Alonzo Harris:
Smoking weed.

Jake Hoyt:
Right.

Alonzo Harris:
Right.

Alonzo Harris:
Oh, you federally f***ed now.

Alonzo Harris:
But, I don't believe you. You tapped that ass, didn't you. C'mon, tell the truth, you know you tapped that ass. You put her in the backseat, BAM. Code-X.

Jake Hoyt:
Look man, I got a wife.

Alonzo Harris:
You got a dick. You do have a dick, don't you? Okay, the dick lines up straight like that right? To the right of it and to the left of it are pockets, right? In those pockets are money. Look in either one of 'em, pay the bill.

Alonzo Harris:
Take that dick and stick it up that funky little ass of yours, b*tch. Damn, I'm thirsty.

Smiley:
I am always getting love for the homies.

Paul:
You're a long way from Starbuck's homey.

Blue:
What you need, homey?

Jake Hoyt:
Crack. 20 bucks worth.

Blue:
Crack?

Blue:
Smells like bacon in this muthaf***a. What I look like, a sucka to you, nigga? F*** you, rookie.

Blue:
Civil rights violatin' mothaf***as.

Alonzo Harris:
All right, burn it, barbecue it, fish-fry it, I don't give a f***, but it'll make the boys feel better...

Jake Hoyt:
F*** their feelings.

Alonzo Harris:
You're not makin' them feel like you're part of the team.

Jake Hoyt:
Team? You guys are f***in' insane.

Alonzo Harris:
Now, whenever you think of pullin' the trigger, you think of him first. 'Cuz if you don't, he'll snatch your f***in' nuts out and use 'em for dice.

Jake Hoyt:
This car is not from the motor pool.

Alonzo Harris:
It's not, sexy though, ain't it?

Jake Hoyt:
So, where's the office? Back at division?

Alonzo Harris:
You're in the office, baby.

Jake Hoyt:
Now, listen to me, that girl was being raped. I saw these two f***in' drug addicts attacking her, and I stopped 'em...

Smiley:
You lie to me.

Jake Hoyt:
I would - not - lie to you...

Smiley:
Don't lie to me! - Don't lie to me!

Jake Hoyt:
I swear to God. She was being raped, and I stopped 'em, man. And please man, I got a little kid...

Moreno:
Shut the f*** up, f*ggot.

Sniper:
Blast his ass, homes.

Jake Hoyt:
I have - a little girl.

Lou Jacobs:
I don't know why I'm talking to you. I don't talk to dead men.

Alonzo Harris:
I ain't dead yet. F***in' prick.

Alonzo Harris:
Why the long face, Doug? Feds seize your house?

Doug Rosselli:
F*** yourself, Alonzo.

Alonzo Harris:
All right, when's the last time you did a felony stop?

Jake Hoyt:
Uh, couple weeks ago?

Alonzo Harris:
Good, you need practice.

Jake Hoyt:
They look like college kids.

Alonzo Harris:
They're gonna get their education today. I don't want the Brady Bunch grabbin' glass. You take the back, I'll take the front.

Jake Hoyt:
That stuff doesn't fly anymore, man. Shovin' a pen down - what if that guy complains?

Alonzo Harris:
To who?

Alonzo Harris:
You disloyal, fool-ass, b*tch-made punk.

Jake Hoyt:
If he's not here, why are we here?

Alonzo Harris:
We're here to serve this warrant.

Jake Hoyt:
C'mon, man. We can't do that.

Alonzo Harris:
Yes, hell we can. We're the PO-lice, we can do what the f*** we wanna do.

Alonzo Harris:
How you want it, dawg? Closed casket? Remember that fool in the wheelchair? How'd you think he got there?

Alonzo Harris:
You wouldn't mind if I have some of your three thousand dollar-a-glass sh*t there, would you?

Jake Hoyt:
That is the second time you have pointed a gun at me, there will not be a third.

Roger:
Here's a joke, boy. One day this man walks out of his house to go to work. He sees this snail on his porch. So he picks it up and chucks it over his roof, into the back yard. Snail bounces off a rock, cracks its shell all to sh*t, and lands in the grass. Snail lies there dying. But it doesn't die. It eats some grass. Slowly heals. Grows a new shell. And after a while it can crawl again. One day the snail up and heads back to the front of the house. Finally, after a year, the little guy crawls back on the porch. Right then, the man walks out to go to work and sees this snail again. So he says to it, 'What the f***'s your problem?'

Jake Hoyt:
That's messed up. That wasn't funny.

Alonzo Harris:
Then why are you cackling like a jackal?

Jake Hoyt:
I dunno.

Roger:
Figure that joke out and you'll figure the streets out.

Roger:
You figure that joke out, you'll figure the streets out.

Alonzo Harris:
There ain't nothing to figure out, that's just some senseless bullshit. Don't listen to him.

Jake Hoyt:
You know, I already figured 'em out.

Alonzo Harris:
Really?

Roger:
You already figured the streets out.

Jake Hoyt:
It's all about smiles and cries.

Alonzo Harris:
Put the drink down, man, the motherf***ers out of his mind.

Roger:
Hold on, Alonzo, hold on. Smiles and cries, smiles and cries, I hear ya.

Jake Hoyt:
Yeah. You gotta control your smiles and cries, because that's all you have and nobody can take that away from you.

Alonzo Harris:
One time. What's up Bone?

Bone:
What's up, Alonzo? - What's happenin' with you, Damu?

Alonzo Harris:
It's all good.

Bone:
I wanna tell you man: I appreciate what you did for my nephew, that's some real sh*t.

Alonzo Harris:
For sure. For sure.

Bone:
I'm sick of this sh*t I can't stand that motherf***er.

Bone:
You got business here, Rookie?

Jake Hoyt:
I'm here for Alonzo.

Alonzo Harris:
Hey, first Damu puts one in his head... I'll make you a rich man.

Bone:
You got us twisted, homey. You got to put your own work in around here.

Alonzo Harris:
All right, it's like that, Bone ?

Bone:
It's like that.

Bone:
Jake, go ahead and bounce, homey. Get up out of here. We got your back.

Alonzo Harris:
What?

Bone:
It's like that.

Alonzo Harris:
What a day. What a motherf***in' day.

Alonzo Harris:
You know what you get for shooting an officer, Jake? The gas chamber. You know what the gas chamber smells like? Pine oil. I'm gonna send you to a pine oil heaven.

Hoyt:
This car is NOT from the motor pool.

Alonzo Harris:
No it's not. Sexy though, isn't it?

[Alonzo forces Hoyt to smoke the weed at gunpoint.]

Alonzo Harris:
Left that out your service jacket. Yeah, I know you got secrets. Everybody got secrets. Didn't know you liked to get wet, dog.

Jake Hoyt:
What's "wet"?

Alonzo Harris:
Butt-naked. Ill. Sherms. Dust. PCP. Primos. P-Dog. That's what you had. That's what you were smoking, you couldn't taste it?

Jake Hoyt:
No, I've never done it.

Alonzo Harris:
You have now. I haven't, but you have.

Jake Hoyt:
Oh, sh*t. Oh, sh*t. Man, I'm gonna get piss-tested, and then I'm gonna get fired!

Alonzo Harris:
Lieutenant's got our back. We know a week before we piss.

Jake Hoyt:
Oh, sh*t. Sh*t!

Alonzo Harris:
Boom!

Jake Hoyt:
Why did you do this to me?

Alonzo Harris:
Nobody told you to smoke that thing. You made the decision. Live with your decision. Ain't like I put a gun to your head.

Alonzo:
It behooves you not to dick around on this one. Justifiable homicide in the line of duty? What happened was...

Jake:
What happened was murder... and armed robbery. Wait, we had badges, so it's different?

Alonzo:
Open your eyes, son. Can't you see?

Jake:
That man was your friend, and you killed him like a fly.

Alonzo:
Why is he my friend, because he knows my first name? Roger sold dope to kids. The world is a better place without him. This man was the biggest major violator in Los Angeles. This is the game. I'm playing his ass. That's my job. That's your job. I watched that cocksucker operate with impunity for over 10 years, and now I got him. The sh*t's chess, it ain't checkers. What, we all of a sudden gonna roll up in a black-and-white? Come on, man, take the money.

Jake:
I told you, I'm *not* gonna take that money.

Alonzo:
All right, burn it, barbecue it, fish-fry it, I don't give a f***. But the boys'll feel better about it.

Jake:
*F**** their feelings.

Alonzo:
You're not making them feel like you're part of the team.

Jake:
The team? You guys are f***in' insane. All right, I'll go back to the Valley. I'll cut parking tickets. Why does it have to be this way?

Alonzo:
I'm sorry I exposed you to it, but it is. It's ugly, but it's necessary... Sometimes you gotta have a little dirt on you for anybody to trust you.

Alonzo Harris:
You wanna go to jail or you wanna go home?

Alonzo Harris:
F*** him and everybody who looks like him.

Alonzo Harris:
Sh*t gets deeper... You get the picture?

Smiley:
Three of a kind beats two pair, you f***ing dumb truck.

Smiley:
Alonzo, he's a hothead. Last week in Vegas some Russian starts talking sh*t and Alonzo he just snapped. Beat his ass to death. Turns out that Russian is a somebody and now Alonzo, he's into the Russians for a million.

Moreno:
Hey pig, you ever had your sh*t pushed in? Your sh*t pushed in. Simple question.