Tremors

Valentine McKee:
I can't believe we said no to free beer!

Valentine McKee:
Roger that Burt, and congratulations. Be advised, however, that there are two more, repeat, two more motherhumpers.

Earl Bassett:
Is this a job for an intelligent man?

Valentine McKee:
Well, show me one and I'll ask him.

Earl Bassett:
We gotta run. We've got a schedule to keep.

Valentine McKee:
Yeah. See, we plan ahead, that way we don't do anything right now. Earl explained it to me.

Earl Bassett:
Damn it Valentine, you never plan ahead, you never take the long view, I mean here it is Monday and I'm already thinking of Wednesday... It is Monday right?

Valentine McKee:
You will have long blonde hair, big green eyes, world class breasts, ass that won't quit and legs that go all the way up.

Rhonda LeBeck:
Did you notice anything weird a minute ago?

Valentine McKee:
This valley is just one long smorgasbord.

Earl Bassett:
Damn it, listen to me. I'm older and wiser.

Valentine McKee:
Yeah, well you're half right.

Burt Gummer:
Guess you broke into the wrong God damn rec room, didn't ya!

Burt Gummer:
Food for five years, a thousand gallons of gas, air filtration, water filtration, Geiger counter. Bomb shelter! Underground... God damn monsters.

Earl Bassett:
Dammit, Valentine! You never go for any girl unless she fits that stupid list of yours from top to bottom.

Valentine McKee:
Well, sure.

Earl Bassett:
Yeah, and it's dumber than my hind end! Like that Bobbie Lynn Dexter.

Valentine McKee:
Tammy Lynn Baxter!

Earl Bassett:
Doesn't matter. They're all the same: dead weight. "Ooh, I broke a nail!" Ugh! Makes my skin crawl.

Valentine McKee:
Yeah, well, I'm a victim of circumstance.

Earl Bassett:
I thought you called it your pecker.

Earl Bassett:
No way those things can outrun these horses!

Valentine McKee:
Yeah, well, for all you know, they can fly.

Earl Bassett:
Well, there sure as hell ain't nothing to stop us now... everybody we know between here and Bixbe's already dead.

Burt Gummer:
No tracks, no sign, no spoor... you'd think after eating all those sheep they'd have to take a dump *some*place

Valentine McKee:
We can't hold still long! These things are damn smart! They're getting smarter by the minute!

Burt Gummer:
That's fine!

Burt Gummer:
We got some new things to teach 'em!

Rhonda LeBeck:
They only respond to vibration, right? Couldn't we... distract them somehow?

Valentine McKee:
Yeah, something to keep 'em busy, like a... like a decoy!

Earl Bassett:
Hey Melvin... wanna make a buck?

Valentine McKee:
That's how they git you. They're under the goddamned ground!

Valentine McKee:
Hey - check this out! I found the ass end!

Valentine McKee:
hearing music from below ground] So where the hell's that goddamn golden oldie comin' from?

Valentine McKee:
What the hell is going on! I mean what the hell is going on!

Valentine McKee:
I've got a goddamn plan!

Earl Bassett:
Hey, Rhonda you ever seen anything like this before?

Valentine McKee:
Oh, sure Earl. Everyone knows about them we just didn't tell you.

Earl Bassett:
What kind of fuse is that?

Burt Gummer:
Cannon fuse

Earl Bassett:
What the hell do you use it for?

Burt Gummer:
My cannon!

Earl Bassett:
Dammit, I'm gonna kick his ass!

Valentine McKee:
I'm gonna help you.

Earl Bassett:
Must be a million of them!

Valentine McKee:
Nope, just one!

Earl Bassett:
Run for it? Running's not a plan! Running's what you do, once a plan fails!

Valentine McKee:
Good luck shithead.

Earl Bassett:
Don't worry about me jerkoff.

Valentine McKee:
Good morning Mr. Bassett, this is your wake up call. Please move your ass.

Earl Bassett:
They must be long gone by now.

Valentine McKee:
Yeah. Hey, why don't you go take a little stroll and find out?

Earl Bassett:
No breakfast?

Valentine McKee:
I did it yesterday. It was baloney and beans.

Earl Bassett:
No, it was eggs. I made eggs. Over easy.

Valentine McKee:
The hell you did! Baloney and beans. It's your turn!

Valentine McKee:
Well, I guess when I'm your age, I'll forget what I eat, too.

Earl Bassett:
What're you bringin' that vacuum cleaner, for?

Valentine McKee:
I like this vacuum cleaner.

Earl Bassett:
Y'never use it.

Valentine McKee:
Well, it's good for parts.

Valentine McKee:
What's it doing, Rhonda?

Rhonda LeBeck:
Why do you keep asking me?

Rhonda LeBeck:
I think I have a plan. Why don't we throw a bomb the way we want to go and then when it goes off, we run like goddamn bastards!

Rhonda LeBeck:
Pardon my French.

Earl Bassett:
Did you know about these things?

Valentine McKee:
Of course she did! Everyone knows about these, we just didn't tell you. Of course nobodies seen anything like this before.

Earl Bassett:
Stupid son-of-a-b*tch, knocked itself cold!

Valentine McKee:
Cold, my ass, he's dead! We killed it. We killed it! *F*** you!*

Walter Chang:
Earl. Here's some swiss cheese and some bullets.

Rhonda LeBeck:
No, you don't understand, these creatures are absolutely unprecedented.

Nestor:
Yeah, but where do they come from?

Earl Bassett:
You little asswipe! You don't knock it off you're gonna be shittin' this basketball... pardon my French!

Melvin Plug:
[discovering the gun Burt gave him is empty] Burt, you a**hole! There's no bullets in this gun!

Burt Gummer:
[taking the gun back with a smile] Got you moving, didn't it?

Valentine McKee:
STAMPEDE! Stampede, Earl! Get out of the way, get out of the way!

Earl Bassett:
[waking up] You dumb sh*t. I was in a stampede once. Five hundred head, all hell-bent for the horizon.

Valentine McKee:
Now, exactly how many cattle are required for a stampede, Earl? Is it three or more? Is there a minimum to 'pede?

Earl Bassett:
I wish they'd stampede up your ass.

Earl Bassett:
[Valentine has just freed the truck from a hangup, after a struggle] Y'know, that's a good way to break an axle.

Valentine McKee:
Could you shut up?

Earl Bassett:
Hey, I don't need to spend the night out here!

Valentine McKee:
[long pause] Crybaby.

[Ground starts to bulge]

Valentine McKee:
Must be a million of them!

[Graboid breaks through the surface of the ground]

Earl Bassett:
Nope, just one!

[About the dead Graboid]

Earl Bassett:
Hey, Rhonda. You ever seen anything like this before?

Valentine McKee:
Oh, sure, Earl, everybody knows about them. We just didn't tell you. Hell, nobody ever saw anything like this! We're really onto something here!

Earl Bassett:
I'll tell you one thing: Old Chang won't be getting his slick mitts on this for no measly 15 bucks!

Valentine McKee:
You got that right!

[Earl suddenly has his entire leg drop into a hole]

Earl Bassett:
[yelling] AHHH! AHHH!

Valentine McKee:
What? What is it?

Earl Bassett:
Damn prairie dog burrow.

Valentine McKee:
Sons a b*tches.

[trapped on top of a boulder by a Graboid, Val, Earl, and Rhonda are thinking of explanations for where the creatures came from]

Valentine McKee:
[joking] I've got it: They're mutations caused by radiation. No, wait--the government made 'em. *Big* surprise for the Russians.

Rhonda LeBeck:
Well, there's nothing like them in the fossil record... Okay, so they predate the fossil record. [not buying it herself] That'd make them a couple of billion years old... and we've just never seen one until now. Right.

Earl Bassett:
I vote for outer space. No way these are local boys.

[Trying to escape from the rocks]

Earl Bassett:
You know, we're gonna have to come up with some sort of plan, or he's just gonna wait us to death.

Valentine McKee:
Well, why don't we just make a run for it? We outran 'em yesterday.

Earl Bassett:
Run for it?! Runnin's not a plan--runnin's what you when a plan fails! Valentine, you're not even trying to think of a plan.

Valentine McKee:
Well, it ain't like we got a Hell of a lot of options.

Earl Bassett:
Oh, there's always options. We just gotta think of 'em.

Valentine McKee:
Alright, why don't you start thinkin', then?

Earl Bassett:
Why the Hell do I always gotta do all the thinking?

Valentine McKee:
Who died & made you Einstein?

Rhonda LeBeck:
Hey, shut up!

[Unseen Melvin screams when a Graboid attacks, after having scared everyone moments ago]

Earl Bassett:
Dammit, I'm gonna kick his ass!

Valentine McKee:
I'm gonna help you.

Valentine McKee:
[speaking to Burt over a radio and is trying to tell him about the Graboids] Burt, it's under the ground! It's an underground monster! Now get out! Hurry!

Burt Gummer:
[over the radio, as a Graboid comes through his rec room wall] Jesus Chri...!

[transmission turns to static]

Burt Gummer:
[over the radio] We killed it, you got that!? We killed that motherhumper, come back!

Valentine McKee:
Roger that, Burt, and congratulations. Be advised, however, that there are two more, repeat, two more motherhumpers.

[After Burt tries to shoot the Graboid with his elephant rifle]

Heather Gummer:
You didn't? get penetration even with the elephant gun?

Burt Gummer:
Sh*t!

Heather Gummer:
Good lord.

[Earl and Val argues who will run to the bulldozer in spite of the Graboids]

Earl Bassett:
Damn it, listen to me. I'm older and wiser.

Valentine McKee:
Yeah, well you're half right.

[After Burt scares away the Graboids with his home-made dynamite]

Valentine McKee:
What the hell's in those things, Burt?

Burt Gummer:
A few household chemicals in the proper proportions.

Valentine Mckee:
[looking at Old Fred's messed-up corral with chunks of dead sheep lying on the ground] What the sh*t?

Valentine Mckee:
[to Rhonda] GET OUT OF YOUR PANTS!

Valentine Mckee:
[to Earl] Who died and made you Einstein?

Valentine Mckee:
We decided to leave town just one damn day too late!

Valentine Mckee:
I'll tell you. Nobody handles garbage better than we do.

Earl Bassett:
[repeated line] Pardon my French!

Earl Bassett:
[To Val] Here's the plan. We don't even stop. Ride like hell. Tonight we keep right on going. We'll walk the horses.

Earl Bassett:
Melvin! One of these days someone's gonna kick your ass!

Burt Gummer:
[handing out weapons and refusing to give Melvin one] I wouldn't give you a gun if it were World War Three!