True Love

Gib:
Do you think she's still a virgin?

Harry:
Dont be ridiculous, she's only - -what is she now?

Gib:
She's fourteen!

Harry:
She's fourteen years old!

Gib:
Yeah, and her little hormones are going off like a car alarm.

Harry:
Helen is having an affair.

Gib:
Welcome to the club!

Samir:
Is there anything you'd like to tell me before we start?

Harry:
Yeah: I'm going to kill you pretty soon.

Gib:
What kind of a sick b*tch takes the ice cube trays out of the freezer?

Faisil:
They call him the Sand Spider.

Spencer Trilby:
Why?

Faisil:
Probably because it sounds scary.

Gib:
Yeah, I remember the first time I got shot out of a cannon.

Simon:
Would a spy pee himself?

Harry:
Ask me a question I would normally lie to.

Helen Tasker:
Are we going to die?

Harry:
Yep!

Gib:
Kids - 10 seconds of joy, 30 years of misery.

Helen Tasker:
Have you ever killed anyone?

Harry:
Yeah, but they were all bad.

Simon:
Let's face it. The 'Vette... gets 'em wet!

Simon:
I have to lie to women to get laid. And I don't score much. I got a really small dick, it's pathetic.

Harry:
You're fired!

Harry:
There *is* no us, you psychotic b*tch!

Gib:
Women. Can't live with 'em. Can't kill 'em!

Helen Tasker:
I married Rambo!

Simon:
Men want this car for only one reason: p*ssy.

Gib:
The guy is a used car salesman! This just keeps getting better and better!

Gib:
I'm sorry, Harry, I know this is hard for you. But you gotta admit if this was me you'd be laughing your ass off!

Harry:
You tell on me, I tell on you.

Gib:
What are you talking about, I'm as clean as a preacher's sheets. I'm as clean as...

Harry:
What about that time you blew a six-week operation because you were too busy getting a blow job?

Gib:
You knew about that?

Harry:
Uh-huh.

Gib:
I'm beginning to like this guy.

Gib:
Oh, we've still gotta kill him. That's a given.

Gib:
Maybe she's sleepy.

Gib:
Harry, ditch the b*tch.

Gib:
What did you expect, Harry? Helen's a flesh and blood woman and you're never there. It was only a matter of time.

Gib:
You know what? I'm sick of being in the van. You guys are going to be in the van next time. I've been in the van for 15 years, Harry.

Gib:
So your life's in the crapper. So you wife is banging a used car salesman - it's humiliating, I know. But goddamnit, Harry, take it like a man!

Helen Tasker:
No, I can't. I can't!

Simon:
If not for me, Helen, do it for your country!

Faisil:
Care to tango?

Gib:
Yes, I do.

Harry:
A**holes.

Harry:
But what about their husbands?

Simon:
Dickless! I mean let's face it, if they were taking care of business, I'd be outta business!

Harry:
Hi guys.

Gib:
Well that worked real good. Right out the old front gate.

Harry:
Can you lean back a second...

Harry:
Can you hurry up. My horse is getting tired.

Gib:
Your horse?

Salim Abu Aziz:
Do you know what this is?

Harry:
I know what this is...

Harry:
This is an espresso machine.

Harry:
No, no wait. It's a snow cone maker.

Harry:
Is it a water heater?

Gib:
It's called ice and it gets a little slick.

Gib:
Harry, do you realize it has, in fact, been 10 years since you've been behind the wheel of one of these things?

Harry Tasker:
If I break it, they can take it outta my pay.

Spencer Trilby:
Sweet Jesus, Harry, you surely screwed the pooch last night, didn't you?

Gib:
Harry? Harry? You do not have time to tango, buddy. You copy?

Spencer Trilby:
So far, this is not blowing my skirt up, gentlemen.

Harry:
Well, you see, this is the problem with terrorists. They're really inconsiderate when it comes to people's schedules.

Harry Tasker:
Cool off.

Gib:
D*ckhead.

Harry:
Blow me.

Faisil:
It's a scale really, with a perfect mission at one end and a total pooch screw at the other, and we're right about in the middle.

Harry:
Sure, here's my invitation.