Trust the Man

Tobey:
What's another kind of flower that you can get for a girl besides a rose?

Tom:
What about an orchid?

Tobey:
Are you kidding? That's even more expensive!

Therapist:
So what are the issues?

Tom:
No sex.

Rebecca:
Well, that's your issue.

Tom:
I'd say that's our issue.

Rebecca:
No, I'm just not a sex maniac like you are.

Tom:
I'm not a maniac, I just like it.

Rebecca:
[mouths to Therapist] Twice a day.

Tobey's Psychiatrist:
Have a little trust, Tobey. The world is not against you.

Waiter:
These are from the young man in the corner. He wanted you to know that you are like... awesome.

Tobey:
What kind of porn are you looking at?

Tom:
Good old fashioned man-woman woman-horse stuff.

Tobey:
Oh, you're a purist.

[first lines]

David:
I need help!

Tom:
I'll go.

[last lines]

Tobey:
I just got married! Come on, that's legal! I was behind the...

Elaine:
That's our car!

Tobey:
Every time! Every time!

Therapist:
We could get a lot more done if you came in more than once per year. Would you think about that?

Rebecca:
[Exhales, sniffs]

Francis, the Director:
We're are in this together, my dear. All damned to the theater. Condemned to live through our art. For we do not know how to live through our lives. We are islands.

Tom:
Did I tell you I had a dream last night, that you gave me a blow job?

Rebecca:
Yeah? I had a dream that I gave you a German Shepherd.

Rebecca:
Do you think I should get Botox?

Elaine:
Definitely.

Rebecca:
Really?

Elaine:
Uh-huh. If you want to lose me as your friend.

Rebecca:
You're so strict.

Rebecca:
I just can't bear to look at him. He's in that overly sweet, hangdog stage, where I could set him on fire and he'd thank me for it.

Elaine:
It's not a bad idea.