TV Burp

Jeff Brazier:
Can I sit between you two, please? Now, what do you think?

Harry Hill:
What do you think? You getting your leg over? I like you, you're nice.

Harry Hill:
Hang on, this isn't a show, is it? This is just some things that happen. It's like an episode of Wife Swap where they don't swap wives, they swap dogs and one of the dogs gets a cough and one of the husbands nephews spends some book tokens. The end.

Harry Hill:
Channel Five have got a new shark programme! This one was presented by Johnny Rotten - you know, from I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here? He had a very individual presenting style.

Johnny Rotten:
Sharks. Born free. Unlike me. They're tax free. Leave them alone. I am. Alls I'm doing is swimming with them. You too can.

Harry Hill:
Hmm. Yes. Here's some more from Johnny.

Johnny Rotten:
...words for filling up the Bible, and we all know what that's about. But this is something else. This is nature - I think. All it makes me want to do is go "Weeeeeeeeeee".

Harry Hill:
Here's some of him off-duty. Come on, Mr. Rotten, time for you're medication. If you're as weird as Johnny Rotten, how do you make yourself look normal? Hang around with someone even weirder than you. Here's an interesting fact I learned from Johnny.

Johnny Rotten:
Last year 791 people were killed by defective toasters, only 4 by sharks. Now I don't see no great big rush to exterminate 100000000 toasters.

Harry Hill:
Yeah, but then we wouldn't be able to make any toast. I mean, I like sharks, but the advantage of a toaster over a shark is that a toaster takes up much less room on your worktop.

Mike Reid:
I've never done this before for any length of time. You know, I've turned round to someone and said, you know, "onion rings", but...

Harry Hill:
Yeah, you know enough to get by. You're on holiday in Jamaica and you fancy a McDonald's - you can point to most of the menu - you fancy a side order - "onion rings".

Harry Hill:
...There's only one way to find out! FIIIGHT!

McIver Family:
[singing] Face, feet, armpits, private bits. Never did me any harm!