Twister

Dusty:
"The Suck Zone". It's the point basically when the twister... sucks you up. That's not the technical term for it, obviously.

Beltzer:
That's no moon, that's a space station!

Rabbit:
Uh... yeah, trust me. Rabbit is good, Rabbit is wise.

Bill:
She's a... she's a therapist.

Jo:
Oh... Yours?

Bill:
Christ, you couldn't resist, could you?

Jo:
What? I'm not saying you NEED therapy.

Bill:
What? Wait, wait, wait, I need therapy?

Jo:
I didn't say that.

Bill:
What could I possibly need a therapist for? Huh? You're the doctor, tell me!

Jo:
I don't know... inability to finish things?

Bill:
"Inability to finish things"?

Jo:
Maybe rushing into things you can't quite commit to.

Bill:
Commitment?

Jo:
You asked!

Dusty:
Red meat, we crave sustenance!

Melissa:
She didn't marry your penis... Okay, she didn't marry only your penis.

Melissa:
When you used to tell me that you chase tornadoes, deep down I thought it was just a metaphor.

Jo:
He really is in love with himself. I thought it was just a summer thing.

Jo:
Where's my truck...? There it is.

Aunt Meg:
He didn't keep his part of the bargain.

Jo:
Which part?

Aunt Meg:
To spend his life pining for you, and to die miserable and alone.

Jo:
Cow. (pause) 'Nother cow.

Bill:
Actually I think that was the same one.

Bill:
Look at what's right in front of you.

Jo:
What?

Bill:
Me, Jo.

Melissa:
I gotta go Julia, we got cows.

Bill:
Why can't we spend a normal day together?

Dusty:
Ha Ha! It's the wonders of nature, baby!

Jo:
She's nice.

Bill:
Ha!

Jo:
Uh oh. She's not nice?

Dusty:
The extreme! IT'S THE EXTREME!

Bill:
Oh, man. Don't start that sh*t.

Beltzer:
Hey, you guys want to wrap this up?

Bill:
What?

Beltzer:
Oh, nothing. I was just wondering if you wanted to chase this tornado, or if you guys just wanted to catch the next one.

Bill:
Sh*t!

Jo:
Have you lost your nerve?

Bill:
Tighten your seatbelt.

Rabbit:
God, Meg, you've got a lot of beef. Where did you get all this beef?

Meg Greene:
Did you see my cows out front?

Rabbit:
No.

Meg Greene:
Oh!

Dusty:
You slaughter your own cows, Meg, nice.

Dusty:
This gravy is famous. It's practically a food group.

Dusty:
Did you just miss that truck? That's awesome! That's AWESOME!

Jo:
You've never seen it miss this house, and miss that house and then come after you!

Dusty:
Bill, it's coming! It's headed right for us!

Bill:
It's already here!

Dusty:
You're gonna rue the day you came up against The Extreme, baby. We're talkin' imminent rueage!

Jo:
Is she OK?

Paramedic:
We'll probably keep her overnight just to be safe.

Aunt Meg:
Overnight, forget it, I'm all right.

Jo:
You're going to the hospital.

Aunt Meg:
OK, I'll go, but I'm gonna drive myself.

Rabbit:
Honey, your car is in a tree around the corner.

Aunt Meg:
OOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Jo:
Debris! We got debris!

Dusty:
They're in the bear cage!

Rabbit:
Hey, the auto club's here.

Jo:
My god, who are these people?

Bill:
I don't think so!

Bill:
Here! These pipes go down at least thirty feet, if we anchor to them we might have a chance!

Melissa:
Uh... it was nice meeting you.

Aunt Meg:
Likewise. You better run.

Dusty:
Jo's gonna flip when she sees he's back!

Bill:
I'm not back!

Melissa:
Is there an F 5? What would that be like?

Jason 'Preacher' Rowe:
The finger of god

Jo:
Guys, we are NOT invading my aunt!

Dusty- Jo:
Bill! It's coming right for us!

Bill:
It's already here.

Old fashionable lady(dusty kisses guy on head) old fashionable lady. (Get off dusty) loser move it on

Bill ”The barn come on”

Jo ” My god who are these people"

Bill ”I don't think so"

Jo and Bill check out that sky

Ya know I think we've seen enough

Jo:
(when Bill hesitates to drive towards a tornado) Have you lost your nerve?

Bill:
(laughs) Tighten your seatbelt! (tightens Jo's seatbelt and drives down the ditch)

Jo:
(after finding a barn full of sharp instruments) Oh my God, who are these people?!

Bill:
I don't think so!

(a house crashes in front of Bill and Jo and they have no choice but to drive through it)

Bill:
I think we're going in! (they scream as they drive through the house and out the other side) ...Maybe we should get off this road.

Jo:
I think you're right.

Dusty:
(after Jo and Bill drive through an explosion) Jo, Bill did you see that explosion?

Jo:
We saw it.

Dusty:
(realizes a tornado is coming) Jo, Bill, it's coming! It's headed right for us!

Bill:
(staring at the nearby tornado with Jo and Mellisa) It's already here! (to everyone nearby) Everybody underground now!

(Bill pulls Jo to the truck as she fights)

Jo:
Beltzer will tell us if drops near us!

Bill:
It's not gonna drop near us its gonna drop right on us!

(they get out just as the tornado drops where they just were)

Jo:
Where's the road Rabbit?!

Rabbit:
It should be any second!

(the group come out on the road a moment later and nearly crash into Jonas' convoy)

Mellisa:
(after being caught in a tornado while chasing it) When you told me you used to chase tornados I always thought it was a metaphor!

(Jo and Bill are too busy arguing to notice a tornado)

Beltzer:
Hey, are you gonna wrap this up?

Bill:
WHAT?

Beltzer:
Oh nothing, I was just wondering if we were going to chase this tornado or just catch the next one.

Bill:
SH*T!!

[Melissa is giving therapy to a patient over the phone.]

Melissa:
She did not marry your penis. Ok, she didn't ONLY marry your penis.

Dusty:
Bill, she just missed the truck!

Dusty:
Well, there's some good news. It DID fly. What was it like?

Jo:
...It was windy.

Dusty:
Windy. [Chuckles] That's intense.

Jo:
[After her truck is destroyed, looking over at Bill's truck] Do you have full coverage on that truck?

Bill:
Liability only.

Jo:
Liability only...Well, it's a very pretty truck.

Melissa:
Thank you.

[Bill smiles and realizes what she is thinking]

Bill:
Don't even think about it. [Jo looks at him] NO WAY.

Rabbit:
Y'know, in a severe lightning storm, you want to grab your ankles and stick your butt in the air.

Haynes:
He's right. If you're gonna get hit it's the safest orifice.

Joey:
Yeah, I'd like to get hit by lightning once, y'know, see what it's like.

Dusty:
So we get this one near Daleton right?

Rabbit:
Oh, god.

Dusty:
And we are way to close. And Jo's got the vid on it right, she's filming it. And all of the sudden outta nowhere, this shitty lookin' green Valiant comes pulling up right in the way.

Beltzer:
[points to Bill] And this loser stumbles out of the car, he's got like a bottle of Jack Daniel's in his hand...

Dusty:
He is naked!

Rabbit:
He is buck naked.

Beltzer:
Naked!

Bill:
NOT naked! [laughter] I was not naked!

Beltzer:
[whispering into Melissa's ear] He was without apparel.

Bill:
Half naked.

Dusty:
Naked. Ok, so Jo's yelling at him to get out of the way, right? [laughter] And he just strolls up to the twister, says 'have a drink', and he chucks the bottle into the twister, and it NEVER hits the ground. The twister caught it, and sucked it right up!

Bill:
Honey, this is a tissue full of lies. See, there was another Bill, an evil Bill, and I killed him.

Dusty:
I LOVE THIS GUY!

Preacher:
No, that was a good size twister. What was it, an F-3?

Bill:
Solid F-2.

Melissa:
See, now you've lost me again.

Bill:
It's the Fujita Scale. It measures the intensity of a tornado by how much it eats.

Melissa:
Eats?

Bill:
Destroys.

Lawrence:
The one we last encountered was a strong F-2, maybe an F-3.

Beltzer:
Maybe we'll see some F-4's today.

Haynes:
That would be sweet!

Bill:
4 is good. 4 will relocate your house very efficiently.

Melissa:
Is there an F-5? [silence falls over the group] What would that be like?

Preacher:
...The Finger of God.

Melissa:
None of you has ever seen an F-5?

Bill:
...Just one of us.

[A combine has just been dropped from a tornado.]

Jo:
Debris! Dusty, we have Debris!

Bill:
DEBRIS?

Jo:
Right! Left! Right! Left!

Bill:
Which way now?

Jo:
I have no idea.

[Bill, driving a truck, has been dodging multiple combines and gone through a house.]

Bill:
Maybe we should get off of this road.

Jo:
 :[during an argument] Can I drive?

Bill:
No!

Jo:
Then will you? :[the truck is about to hit a tractor]

Bill:
WOAH! [Swerves away] GODDAMN!

Jo:
Where's my truck? [Jo's truck falls from the sky in the way of Melissa. Melissa screams hysterically, while at the same time able to swerve around it] There it is.

Bill:
Melissa?!

Jo:
 :[cow flies by in the storm] Cow.

Melissa:
[On the phone] I gotta go Julia, we got cows.

Jo:
'Nother cow.

Bill:
Actually I think that was the same one.

Beltzer:
Okay, Professor! Hang on there, I think I fixed it. I got it.

Jo:
[almost gets electrocuted] F*** me, this thing is USELESS!

Beltzer:
Whoops. Sorry, Jo.

Bill:
Hiya, Jo.

Jo:
Hey, Bill. I'm happy you found us.

Bill:
How're you doing?

Jo:
[Briefly looks up at the gathering storm clouds and smiles wide] It's going good. Did you see the sky today?

Bill:
Yeah, she's, uh, she's really talking.

Jo:
Catch. [Tosses some electrical cables to Bill, who only catches them at the last second] It's the biggest series of storms in 12 years; one lined up right after another. NSSL says they've never seen anything like it.

Rabbit:
Look, all I'm saying is don't fold the maps.

Sanders:
I didn't fold the maps.

Rabbit:
Yeah, well Kansas is a mess, there's a big crease right through Wichita. ROLL THE MAPS.

[Jo and Jonas' chaser teams drive alongside one another on the same road to intercept a tornado. Bill, driving lead with Jo and Melissa, looks up at the tornado, then suddenly steps on the brake, stopping his truck and the rest of the team following]

Jo:
What're you doing? What're you doing?!

[Jonas and his driver Eddie briefly look back in confusion, but keep driving]

Bill:
Look at the updraft, the angle. It's gonna shift its track.

Jo:
Are you sure?

Bill:
Oh yeah, it's definitely a sidewinder...It'll move left.

Melissa:
Is that bad?

Bill:
Wasn't there a road back there–?

Jo:
[Sees what Bill saw] You're right. Go, go, go, go, go!

[Bill quickly reverses, then turns left onto another road, the rest of the team following]

Melissa:
[Her phone rings. She answers] Hello? Donald, now's not a very good time for me, I'm – okay, put Julia on...

[In his truck, Jonas is calculating the track of the tornado. Eddie's watching the tornado, sees it starting to turn.]

Jonas:
Looking good, looking very good. Alright, now about four miles south, hang a right, let's deploy, and we'll be done.

Eddie:
Uh, Dr. Miller?

Jonas:
[Looks up and sees the tornado's new heading] Sh*t, sh*t, IT'S MOVING AWAY! God!

Eddie:
[Sees Bill's team down a different road] Looks like they're gonna intercept.

Jonas:
[Looks with his binoculars in surprise at where Bill's team is] Dammit, Tony, I thought you told me this thing was gonna stay on the same heading!

Rabbit:
Try to find this road. It's like Bob's Road...