Under the Gaydar

Girl with Red Earrings:
Why is it all the really great guys are always gay?

Larry Barnabee:
Let's buy him a hooker.

Lauren Barnabee:
Larry!

Larry Barnabee:
Think about it. Sex with a beautiful woman? It's bound to change his mind.

Darren Barnabee:
May I try your dumplings?

Mike Xi:
You stay away from my dumpling!

Darren Barnabee:
I love you, man.

Ryan Ward:
No, I love you.

Darren Barnabee:
It's too f***in' easy - pretending to be gay to get laid.

Ryan Ward:
You're just lucky you know me.

Darren Barnabee:
Yeah, I'd get down on my knees right now and kiss your feet.

Darren Barnabee:
Look, um, I need you to pretend to give me your phone number. Okay, my parents are starting to think that I'm gay and I'm... I'm just not ready to deal with that right now.

[Darren asks Ashley for help in deceiving his parents in public]

Ashley Banks:
What do I get out of it?

Darren Barnabee:
What?

Ashley Banks:
I'm a selfish b*tch. What's in it for me?

Jaime:
He's cute - but that boy is gay.

Larry Barnabee:
I know. I was hoping you could change that.

[Darren sighs]

Ryan Ward:
Ah, sh*t.

Darren Barnabee:
What?

Ryan Ward:
You met a girl, huh?

Darren Barnabee:
Yeah, we meet lots of 'em all the time.

Ryan Ward:
Yeah, but we don't sigh about 'em. You know, the three F's still apply in gay game.

Darren Barnabee:
Three F's?

Ryan Ward:
Find 'em. F*** 'em. Forget 'em.

Larry Barnabee:
It's getting worse. He said "fabulous."

Larry Barnabee:
Wow! To think I thought you were a fag, but you're my hero.

Lauren Barnabee:
How much are we talking about here?

Ashley Banks:
It depends on how gay your son is.

Larry Barnabee:
Well, what if he's really gay?