Vampire in Brooklyn

Det. Justice:
So you say you saw... what?

Silas Green:
It was a wolf godammit! A big, black, stinking-ass wolf. The motherf***er jumped off the boat and ran over there. And when it got there the son of a b*tch turned into a man. He did the flippflopp sh*t on me... Just like whore I used to know in Detroit back in 62. I'd go over her house on saturday night... she loved me, man. B*tch made me chicken and some pretzels! I'd come through the door, she's a man! Flippfloppin' and sh*t. You ever seen a motherf***er flippflopp on you and sh*t like that? In your face trying to flippflopp and sh*t!

Det. Justice:
So the wolf you saw looked something like that?

Silas Green:
The wolf? Hell no! That's a chihuahua compared to the motherf***er come at me! Ya ever seen a wolf, man?

Det. Justice:
Yes?

Silas Green:
To the 25th power!

Policeman with Dog:
You people are ought to stay back! Killer here loves to bite!

Maximillian:
So do I!

Julius Jones:
Hey, man, my pops always said the quickest way to a woman's heart - the church.

Maximillian:
It's actually through the ribcage, but that's a bit messy.

Maximillian:
Do you like Italian? I make an excellent fusilli.

Rita:
Actually, that's my favorite, but I really think I ought to take a rain check.

Maximillian:
Oh, there's someone else.

Rita:
Not anymore.

Maximillian:
Well, if there's no one else, then I would love to have you... for dinner.

Rita:
Look here. I'm a cop.

Maximillian:
Ah. The police?

Rita:
Mmm-hmm, the law. Which means, if you try anything funny, I'll shoot you.

Maximillian:
[feigning innocence] Do I look like I would bite you?

Rita:
[chuckles] You better not, not after the day I've had.

Maximillian:
Can I send my car to pick you up in a half-hour?

Rita:
impressed Oooh, a car. Let's make it an hour.

Maximillian:
I'll see you then.

Maximillian:
(Opening Voiceover): A long, long time ago, Nosferatu, the undead, the race of the Vampire were driven from Egypt. Most fled to the Carpathian Mountains of Transylvania, but others of better taste, including myself, travelled south through Africa and over the Atlantic, to a beautiful island hidden deep in the Bermuda Triangle. There we lived for happy centuries, feasting on the blood of unwary travellers. Until discovered by the hunters once again. Then the blood that spilled was our own. I, alone, escaped. But a Vampire-alone is a Vampire doomed. My chance was to find the one known offspring of our tribe that had been born in a foreign land. A woman, somewhere in this place, called Brooklyn...

Maximillian:
Interesting. I've been stabbed, and I've been hanged, and I've been burned. Even broken on the rack once, but I've never been shot before. It kind of itches a little.

Maximillian:
(As Preacher Pauley): Evil is good, and ass is good, and if you find you a piece of evil ass, WOO!

Maximillian:
(after being staked in gut): Let me give you an anatomy lesson. This [points] is my stomach. This [points] is my heart. Stomach. Heart. Stomach. Heart.

Julius Jones:
Ohh, betting on the the Knicks... when will you learn?

Julius Jones:
(cornered by Maximillian): Hey, yo, man I don't know how you know me, but, uh, everything is everything. I ain't seen nothin', okay? So you can go ahead and just jump right back through the window, man. I won't tell anybody I saw you, 'cause I ain't really seen you! You know I'm blind! I got, like cataracts, I mean, um, contacts. I got astigmatism, man. I can't see; I'm blind. Where you at? Where you at? See, look. Where you at? Huh? Where you at?

Julius Jones:
Welcome to the party, Unc. Now let's get this show on the road...There's a new Vampire in Brooklyn, and his name is Julius Jones!

Det. Rita Veder:
Look here. I'm a cop...Mmm-hmm, the law. Which means, if you try anything funny, I'll shoot you.

Det. Justice:
(About Rita): Look, she's a good cop. She just needs some time.

Silas Green:
Sheets, baby, sheets!

Silas Green:
Call me, baby, call Silas.

Silas Green:
Who's driving this vessel? Stevie f***ing Wonder?

Silas Green:
God loves you. God loves me.

Silas Green:
Look, I ain't no ghoul!

Dr. Zeko:
Keep your faith, Detective. If I know one thing, its this, you'll need it!

Julius Jones:
Hey, Max, let me ask you something. Why didn't you just bite this b*tch when you had a chance?

Maximillian:
It doesn't work that way. She has to give herself to me voluntarily.

Julius Jones:
[laughs] Hey, this is Brooklyn, baby. Don't nobody give up sh*t unless you got some cold cash or a hot slug for their ass.

Maximillian:
In this case, I know a lot more about her than she knows about herself. One dance with me, one dance, and she'll be mine

Julius Jones:
Oh, see now, yeah, yeah. Now you're talking, player. Now you're talking. Take her dancing. I bet you dance that ol' wild Hammer sh*t.

[Julius turns on the radio and plays "Pray", performed by MC Hammer]

Julius Jones:
So I'm gonna put on some music and I want you to show me what you're gonna do when you get in there, you wild vampire self. Show me that old Hammer sh*t you gonna do.

Maximillian:
Rita, my sweet, you must feed, or you're going to die.

Rita:
[defiant] I want to die.

Maximillian:
I won't let you. I'll find someone for you.

Silas Green:
[enters the apartment looking for Julius] Hey, hey, Hey! The Knicks won! Julius, goddamn it, you owe me $50. [he then notices the new decor created by Max's casting spells] Good God, he's a bad motherf***er. Julius! Where's my $50, Julius... [notices Rita, weak and hungry, resting] You ain't Julius. You that cop's girl. What wrong, baby? You look sick. Had too much pork today, huh? Bad pig's feet, ate the bay leaf? Want some cod-liver oil, baby? Tell me what you need.

Maximillian:
[sneaks up behind Silas] What she needs is some fresh blood.

Silas Green:
Blood? Blood? I'll go to the Red Cross, get all you need.

Maximillian:
Shut up!

[Max stabs two holes in Silas' neck as Rita moves closer to her prey]

Silas Green:
Ow! Hey, brother, what the idea?

Maximillian:
The idea is dinner.

Silas Green:
Dinner? I don't see no dinner. What are we having?

Maximillian:
You!

Silas Green:
ME? Don't do it, baby!

Maximillian:
Do it, Rita. You don't have to resist. Do it!

[Rita is about to feed on Silas' blood...]

Silas Green:
Don't do it, baby. I got old, tired Grandpa blood! I got high blood pressure, baby! High as the MOTHERFUCKIN' MOON! You suck my blood. I've gotta take three pills a DAY!

[the police enter]

Det. Justice:
[yells] Rita! NO!

Silas Green:
[relieved] Police! Police!