Varsity Blues

Mox:
I don't want your life!

Charlie Tweeder:
Jonathan Moxon your are under arrest for not being naked with some sophomore chick who wants to bathe you with her tongue, now take off your clothes and get in the car.

Billy Bob:
I sure do love that dog.

Mox:
I think it's a pig.

Billy Bob:
Yeah.

Miss Davis:
Now I want y'all to repeat after me: penis, penis, penis; vagina, vagina, vagina!

Miss Davis:
Can anyone tell me a common slang term for the male erection?

Miss Davis:
Yes! Boner is good, boner is very good!

Jonathon "Mox' Moxon:
If we go out and half-ass it 'cause we're scared, then we'll always wonder if we were really good enough. But if we go out there and give it all we've got... that's heroic. You guys wanna be heroes?

Jonathon "Mox' Moxon:
The male erection. Pitchin' a tent, sportin' a wood, stiffie, flesh rocket, tall tommy, Mr. Morbis, the march is on, icycle has formed, Jack's magic beanstalk, rigor mortis has set in, Mr. Mushroom-head, mushroom on a stick, purple headed yogurt slinger... oh, and a pedro.

Miss Davis:
...a pedro?

Mox:
yeah, uh huh.

Coach Bud Kilmer:
You got to be the dumbest smart kid I know.

Charlie Tweeder:
Ladies, shut up and hold on to your nipples!

Sam Moxon:
I raised you to be a winner, so dammit boy, win!

Charlie Tweeder:
Hey you wanna see the new Tweeder end zone dance?

Charlie Tweeder:
You know what it's called?

Mox:
What?

Charlie Tweeder:
The new Tweeder end zone dance.

Billy Bob:
A 10... a 10... a f***ing 10!

Mox:
I'm a good boy. I've always been good. What's my upside to being good? (looks at at box of condoms) I'm 18 years old. It's not like I'm married to her. She invited me over. I'm just being polite, right Kyle? Kyle?

Kyle:
I only answer to one name. Ali-Actabaor-Shabaz-Da.

Mox:
That's a bunch of names.

Kyle:
There is only one god. All praise and honor be to allah.

Mox:
Yeah. Well, would allah nail Darcy if he had the chance? I think so.

Charlie Tweeder:
Say I'm stupid and I'm about to get hit in the nuts.

Billy Bob:
That's funny.

Charlie Tweeder:
Ain't it funny? That's what I mean. See they need to change the name of the show to America's funniest shots in the nuts.

Mo Moxon:
Kyle, did you start a cult?

Kyle:
Yup.

Mo Moxon:
That is so sweet!

Mox:
The male erection? Uh, pitchin' a tent, sportin' wood, icicle has formed, the march is on; stiff, stiffie, Mr. Mortis, Rigger Mortis has set in; uh, flesh rocket, Jack's magic beanstalk, tall Tommy, mushroom on a stick, Mr. Mushroom Head, purple-headed yogurt-slinger...and, uh, Pedro.

Miss Davis:
Pedro?

Mox:
Mmhmm.

Charlie:
Will you listen to me? Women are all just panty droppers. You understand? That's it.

Mox:
What?

Charlie:
Listen. You give 'em Percocet, two Vicoden and a couple of beers, and the panties fall off. This is nice. It's very nice.

Mox:
[laughing] It's nice?

Charlie:
It's nice.

Mox:
Tweeder, you think you'll enjoy prison?

Charlie:
[not paying attention] I don't know...What?

Police Officer:
These kids, they're just running around wild these days. Them kids last night, they stole a cop car.

Bar Man:
No.

Police Officer:
Yes! Them boys been exposing themselves.

Bar Man:
Exposing themselves?

Police Officer:
Yes. They put them wieners on the glass at the Alano Club, while the ladies were rehearsing the Christmas pageant.

Bar Man:
They put them wieners on the glass at the Alano Club?

Darcy:
Baby I got so excited thinking about next year and Florida state and the future, I think I need to be your wide receiver.

Lance:
Here baby.

Darcy:
Well not "here" here, but somewhere here.

Tweeder:
[a trainer is about to administer a shot to Wendell's knee] Hey coach, I heard a pop. I... you know, I think he's hurt pretty bad.

Coach Kilmer:
Get outta here! Y'all wouldn't know anything about it! Dedication, team play!

Lance:
[bursting in on crutches] But I would. Don't do it, Wendell... it's not worth it, man.

Coach Kilmer:
You gonna listen to that from a gimp... who's praying that we lose so he can be the missing link?

Wendell:
Maybe I shouldn't do it.

Coach Kilmer:
[to the rest of the players] Get the hell outta here...

Lance:
[to Wendell] Don't do it.

Coach Kilmer:
...before I lose my temper! [grabs Lance] Get out!

Tweeder:
Don't do it.

Billy Bob:
That needle goes anywhere near Wendell's leg, I swear to God, on my mother's grave, I will rip your arms off and beat you to death with them!

Coach Kilmer:
[shocked] You stay the hell outta this, Billy Bob! This has nothing to do with you!

Mox:
This has to do with all of us. We kill ourselves for you. Year round, we play hurt, we play sick, and we spend most of that time scared that we're gonna screw up and you're gonna kick our ass because you... [Kilmer attempts to close the door in Mox's face, but Mox stops it] ...don't really give a f*** about us! All you care about is your next district title.

Coach Kilmer:
[to the trainer, at halftime in the trainer's room, with Wendell on the table] Give him the shot!

Mox:
If you give him that shot, you can find yourself another f***ing quarterback.

Coach Kilmer:
You about ready to lose that scholarship, boy?

Mox:
If it keeps that needle out of his leg? Absolutely.

Coach Kilmer:
Good.

Mox:
F*** it, I'm out.

Coach Kilmer:
That's good! That's good! Finally! Tweeder, you take the snaps.

Tweeder:
No, I won't. I'm out, Coach.

Coach Kilmer:
What did you say?

Tweeder:
I'm with them.

Mox:
The only way we're going back out on that field is without you.

Jonathon "Mox" Moxon:
[voiceover] In America we have laws. Laws against killing. Laws against stealing. It's accepted that, as a member of society, you will live by these laws. In West Canaan, Texas, there's another society that has its own laws. Football is a way of life. That's me as a kid, playing ball with my best friends. I'm Jonathan Moxon, but most people call me Mox. As a boy in West Canaan, you never question the sanctity of football. You just listened to the coaches and tried as best you could to win. Win at all costs.

Jonathon "Mox" Moxon:
[to his father] Playing football at West Canaan may have been the opportunity of your lifetime, but I don't want your life!

Jonathon "Mox" Moxon:
Before this game started, Kilmer said "48 minutes for the next 48 years of your life". I say "f*** that". All right? F*** that. Let's go out there, and we play the next 24 minutes for the next 24 minutes, and we leave it all out on the field. We have the rest of our lives to be mediocre, but we have the opportunity to play like gods for the next half of football. But we can't be afraid to lose. There's no room for fear in this game. Now if we go out there, and we half-ass it 'cause we're scared, all we're left with is an excuse; we're always gonna wonder. But if we go out there, and we give it absolutely everything - that's heroic. Let's be heroes. Come on. What do you say, boys?

Jonathon "Mox" Moxon:
[voiceover] And for some of us, it ended without us knowing. Maybe these were the last days. I never played football again. But I will never forget that day. Billy Bob cried 'cause he's a bit of a cryer. And Tweeder drank beers 'cause...Well, Tweeder drinks beer. Lance is happy. He found his calling as a football coach. Wendell got his ride to Grambling. That statue still stands, but only because it was too heavy to move. Kilmer never coached again. I took my scholarship and will graduate from Brown University. The day was ours...and no one can ever take it away.

Coach Bud Kilmer:
It makes me wonder if you know the different between a sneeze and a wet fart!

Coach Bud Kilmer:
Never show weakness, the only pain that matters is the pain you inflict.

Coach Bud Kilmer:
The hard work of so many, sacrificed by the disrespect of few.

Coach Bud Kilmer:
[to Mox] Your daddy was a no-talent p*ssy, but at least he listened!

Coach Bud Kilmer:
[to Billy Bob] Son, you are f***ing up my universe. You're fat, you're slow...now all of a sudden you're lazy.

Coach Bud Kilmer:
[pulling Moxon aside after practice] You disobey me, and I will bury you. I know about your scholarship to Brown. I got your grades under review. Don't think for a minute that I can't f*** with your transcripts, and get this whole deal blown for you.

Charlie Tweeder:
[Mooning Mox and Billy Bob through the truck window] Good moonin, Boys! Good moonin! I have been up since the crack of dawn and I had to ass you a question.

Charlie Tweeder:
[singing] She broke my heart, so I broke her jaw.

Charlie Tweeder:
[after stealing a cop car] I'm gonna go to jail!

Charlie Tweeder:
Well we're all naked in there and we've got handcuffs and cool sh*t to play with so take off your clothes and get in the car.

Charlie Tweeder:
Looks like she fell out of the I-wanna-suck-your-dick tree and hit every branch on the way down!

Billy Bob:
It's a strip club, man. I'm here to work!

Billy Bob:
[staring at Miss Davis's breasts] Miss Davis, would you go to the prom with me?

Sam Moxon:
I'm really proud about Brown son, but I need to talk to you about Gilroy.