Water Rats

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Did you know Helen was gay?

Det. Sr. Constable Frank Holloway:
Yeah, I thought everyone knew.

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Oh.

Sr. Sgt. Helen Blakemore:
[looking at a photo] Men's locker room. What is that thing stuck up is bum?

Det. Sr. Constable Frank Holloway:
[Uneasily] My toothbrush...

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
We need... something...

Det. Sr. Constable Frank Holloway:
We need lunch!

Chief Inspector Clarke Webb:
Look, I don't think Frank'd appreciate having his sick leave interrupted...

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Oh, Frank loves this place!

Sr. Sgt. Helen Blakemore:
You know, for the rest of my working life, there'll be uniforms who think I'm nothing but a corrupt dyke, but gee, I didn't expect it from you, Frank.

Det Sgt Jack Christey:
I mean, you know, it's a simple request. I ask them to find a yacht in Sydney Harbour and they can't do it. I mean, how hard is that? A yacht is a very, very large object. [as he walks away, Tommy mutters]

Sr. Constable Tommy Tavita:
Yeah, there are tens of thousands of them on the Harbour you moron.

Det. Sr. Constable Frank Holloway:
Can I have the car keys?

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
No, I'm driving.

Det. Sr. Constable Frank Holloway:
I can drive!

Sr. Sgt. Helen Blakemore:
I just got my bum kicked, and when I get my bum kicked, I feel the need to kick other people's bums - especially the bums that got mine kicked in the first place. The paperwork, sweetheart.

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
I'm driving.

Sr. Sgt. Helen Blakemore:
Oh, surprise, surprise.

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
What do you think they'll do? Move Michael on maybe? Get someone who wants a cushy pre-retirement job?

Det. Sr. Constable Frank Holloway:
The bloke will be in for a bit of a shock.

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Yeah, I'll tell ya ... I suppose one of us could leave. Let the other one ...

Det. Sr. Constable Frank Holloway:
That's a great idea. I'll toss you for it ... Heads you go, tails I stay. [flips coin] Oh, heads it is!

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Hang on, I didn't see it.

Det. Sr. Constable Frank Holloway:
Yeah, double-headed coin! ... Nah, to hell with it Rachel. We'll both stay. It's not our problem.

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Yaggadiyaggadiyaggadiblablabla.

Sr. Sgt. Helen Blakemore:
If the perfect woman came along, I'd move in with her like a shot!

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
You know what I kept thinking when I was in the trunk of that car? Why'd I have to take that stupid mobile phone to the restaurant?

Det. Sr. Constable Frank Holloway:
Actually, I kept thinking about the time you were away, you know after Knocker ... that replacement of yours didn't want to drive, I didn't want to drive, they refused to drive - it was a bit of a nightmare. Anyway, I better shove off.

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Don't go. Stay with me.

Det. Sr. Constable Frank Holloway:
If you want me to.

Sgt. Dave McCall:
The people you meet when you haven't got a gun.

Sr. Sgt. Helen Blakemore:
What did you think?

Det Sgt Jack Christey:
[thinking of breasts] They were big.

Sr. Sgt. Helen Blakemore:
I was talking about the fall.

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
[after a night of heavy drinking] Hey would you drive today?

Det. Sr. Constable Frank Holloway:
Me? Drive?

Det. Sr. Constable Frank Holloway:
Is there a big pond outside or something? I'm with the Water Police. Why am I here? In fact, what are you doing here?

Det. Sr. Constable Frank Holloway:
Rachel, you should go back to the office. You shouldn't be sticking your neck out like this.

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Listen, mate. I have stuck my neck out so far for you, I'm surprised it's still on!

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
[Michael wants Rachel to go undercover with him at a swingers party] What, you're joking? Hawker went for it?

Det Snr Cst Michael Reilly:
Well, if it's a problem, I'm sure I could get Suzi to wear a wire, and she'll come with me, but I'd prefer it if you did.

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Look, let's just get one this straight alright Michael? I am not taking my clothes off for anyone, alright?

Det Snr Cst Michael Reilly:
Trust me.

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Why?

Det Snr Cst Michael Reilly:
Because I need you there.

Sr. Sgt. Helen Blakemore:
Right, you all set then? ... Okay you'll have Jack and McCall standing by on the Harpy, and the Nemesis for backup should you need it.

Cst Tayler Johnson:
We'll be there to protect your virtue Rachel.

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
All right, all right! Let's not get too excited everyone, okay?

Sr. Sgt. Helen Blakemore:
[Gavin is grinning] Think about something else, Gavin.

Sr. Constable Gavin 'Sykesy' Sykes:
Right ...

Det Sgt Jack Christey:
Your ex-husband was a lawyer, wasn't he?

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Yeah, he was.

Det Sgt Jack Christey:
Remind me never to get involved with you.

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Ah too late! You're hooked! You're hooked on!

Det Sgt Jack Christey:
Plenty more fish in the sea.

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Ah right.

Det Sgt Jack Christey:
Plenty, plenty!

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Big wide ocean out there!

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
You guys get all that gear on to go in a swimming pool?

Lindsay:
Well, we are in the deep end!

Sr. Sgt. Helen Blakemore:
[Jack has a search warrant] How did he get a search warrant?

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
He's a charmer, you know.

Sr. Sgt. Helen Blakemore:
Well, he doesn't look it.

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
I know, but he is.

Sr. Sgt. Helen Blakemore:
[Jack continues to talk] Oh, shut up!

Senior Constable Gavin 'Sykesy' Sykes:
You know what they say... someone's born, someone has to die.

Senior Constable Tommy Tavita:
Oh, you're a barrel of laughs Sykesy!

Senior Sergeant Dave McCall:
[after Frank walks past wearing shorts] Nice legs. Should take them out more often.

Charlie Hayes:
So, what brings you to Melbourne?

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Plane.

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Hey, were you really stuck in a mangrove swamp when you were eight?

Det Sgt Jack Christey:
Yeah, up to my waist. I thought I was going to get sucked under, like quick sand. I was there all night 'til someone found me.

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Geez. What were you doing there in the first place?

Det Sgt Jack Christey:
I should shoot through at times.

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Oh right, once a wild child always a wild child?

Det Sgt Jack Christey:
Yeah, look who's talking.

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Yeah... what?

Det Sgt Jack Christey:
Okay, let's assume that we're grown up, mature adults and we can talk about anything.

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Oh yeah. Like what?

Det Sgt Jack Christey:
Well, like how we had something going on and I can back here to work...

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Oh no, please don't...

Det Sgt Jack Christey:
Just hear me out. [pauses] We get on. I fancy you... and you fancy me. So what's stopping us?

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
But I don't fancy you.

Det Sgt Jack Christey:
I've seen you looking at me!

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
When? When?

Senior Sergeant Helen Blakemore:
Ah! A detective at last!

Detective Senior Constable Michael Reilly:
Why, where's Jack and Rachel?

Senior Sergeant Helen Blakemore:
Well they're late. Both of them oddly enough.

Detective Senior Constable Michael Reilly:
[grinning] Oh they um...

Senior Sergeant Helen Blakemore:
*Late*, yes.

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
[stuck in the boot of Jack's car] Have you got something in here we could use as a weapon? Something?

Det Sgt Jack Christey:
I don't even have dust in here.

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
[groans] I tell ya, your neatness really annoys me.

Senior Sergeant Helen Blakemore:
You and Christey, dangerous waters.

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Oh come on Helen, give us a break, okay?

Senior Sergeant Helen Blakemore:
I am giving you a break. I'm reminding you that business and pleasure, particularly in your case...

Det. Sr. Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Nothing is going to happen between me and Jack! Okay? I'm not an idiot, I know cops and cops don't mix.

Senior Sergeant Helen Blakemore:
Don't mix! Okay, as long as you know.

Senior Sergeant Dave McCall:
Remember, we're doing medicals tomorrow. The roster's on the board. Do yourselves a favour and take it easy on the booze.

Senior Constable Terry Watson:
Yes mum!

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
Did you see the tatt on that guy's arm?

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Yeah, A.C.A.C, it's a prison tatt.

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
And it's 'all coppers are... '

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Yeah, clever.

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
Cute.

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
You've read the police manual obviously. Did you read the bit about you can't get a confession under duress?

Ron Mortlock:
What do you mean? This is threatening, I've never worn a dress!

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
No, no. If you threaten someone, then you can't...

Ron Mortlock:
I've never worn a dress! I've never worn a dress!

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Alright, alright. D-U-R-E-S-S!

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
I don't know what to make of this Mick Reilly.

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Oh he seems alright.

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
Yeah, funny bloke.

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Why do you say that?

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
Makes you laugh.

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
That doesn't make him funny, I'm such a pushover.

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
You don't laugh at my jokes.

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Well, I am a pushover but I've got my standards!

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
Ohh!

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
So you've done all that, and you've got no woman slowing you down?

Detective Senior Constable Michael Reilly:
Not for long anyway! [laughs] What about you?

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
Me and women? Mate, if it's got tits or wheels, it brings you grief.

Detective Senior Constable Michael Reilly:
[laughs] That's a good one Frank! I like that one! [pauses] So, um, what category is Goldstein in, then?

[Frank gives him an odd look]

Detective Senior Constable Michael Reilly:
Well you know, you guys, I mean... hey, she's an impressive woman. And you guys work pretty closely out there, and you have done for quite a while.

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
That's it precisely! That's what we do. We work together.

David Goldstein:
He's not too bad your Chief Inspector. Are you sure he ties people up to wharves and lets the tide come in?

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
I haven't heard that one before David. Tell me more.

David Goldstein:
That's what mum said.

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
Did she?

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
I didn't... I didn't.

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
I'd better buy you a drink from the machine, old son.

Iain Briggs:
I am the chosen one!

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
Yeah, and I'm a detective, so get on your feet!

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Look, I gotta ask. What happened to your finger?

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
You don't want to know.

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
It sounds like something really stupid.

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
[hesitates] I burnt it on the iron.

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
You haven't got one!

Johnny Cave:
What was the description of the bloke anyway?

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
[pauses] Well... you don't exactly fit it but... fat, bald and ugly.

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
Oh good, you're not busy.

Senior Sergeant Helen Blakemore:
I'm not laughing, and I'm not listening.

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
You're a genius!

Senior Sergeant Helen Blakemore:
[after Frank leaves] I like to think so.

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
Why didn't you return my calls? Rachel?

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Jack, let's not...

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
Come on. I deserve an answer.

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
I don't know. I don't know.

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
Was it Frank?

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Oh... I am so bad at this. I'm just... I'm sorry.

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
That makes two of us.

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
When you got out of jail, why didn't you move away, to a different part of the country?

Brian Geary:
My family's here. What about you? You got family?

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
Yeah, yeah. I got my mum, and my sister.

Brian Geary:
You married?

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
Nah.

Brian Geary:
Divorced?

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
[shakes his head] No.

Brian Geary:
What happened? You never met the right woman? Or did the right one get away?

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
[looking uncomfortable] I better get going... I gotta go. Hey, um, avoid the eggs for breakfast.

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
You know, I've been tip-toeing around you since I got here. As if you were the one who was dumped on.

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Dumped on? What are you, 15? No one was dumped on.

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
You don't return my calls, you send my letters back. Yeah, dumped on.

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Look, I think the only way we're gonna get past this is if we forget about old love affairs. Do you think you can do that?

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
Yeah, yeah.

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Oh, I doubt it!

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
If you can't come to a place like this and order an expensive bottle of wine, then what's the point in working?

Waiter:
I wonder if I can offer you a drink?

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
Yeah, I'll have a beer.

Senior Sergeant Dave McCall:
[whistles at Jeff, who is dressed in shorts and about to go for a job] Where have you been hiding those?

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Do you always eat like that?

Detective Jack Christey:
What are you saying, like a pig?

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Yeah like a pig.

Detective Jack Christey:
Like we have time to eat any other way.

Sr. Sgt. Helen Blakemore:
In the shower this morning...

Det. Sr. Constable Frank Holloway:
Oh Helen, don't!

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
How about I buy you a beer? That's if you don't mind being seen with someone who looks like they've spent a year in interrogation.

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
That's the way you always look.

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
Is it?

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Yeah!

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
What have you got for us, sweetcheeks?

Senior Sergeant Helen Blakemore:
Not a lot, pumpkin.

Chief Inspector Jeff Hawker:
[over the radio] You're in a state of undress out there.

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Undress sir?

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
[whispering to Rachel] In the nuddy!

Chief Inspector Jeff Hawker:
You don't have your gun.

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
[to Dave, who has been injured by a spear gun] Hey, did you hear about the bloke who fell on his spear gun? [pauses] He got the point.

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
How many more shops have we got to go?

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
I think we got about 12. What have we got next, Anita's.

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
I used to have a chicken called Anita.

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Yeah?

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
Yeah. Delicious.

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Part of me feels that murdering a solicitor... it's sort of justifiable homicide.

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
Wasn't your ex-husband a solicitor?

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Yeah. Yeah he was.

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
Remind me never to get involved with you!

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Ah, too late. You're hooked. You're hooked on me.

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
Plenty of other fish in the sea. Plenty, plenty!

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
So is that why you never got married?

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
What?

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Oh you know, all those fish in the sea.

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
Ah yeah. Schools of them.

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Gotta keep yourself wide open, like a big sharks mouth!

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
You know what they say! All those fish, so little time... all that bait.

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Yeah I can imagine. [Jack laughs] I don't know how I'm going to cope with you!

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
So what was it you told him you were... a...?

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
A wine taster.

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
A wine taster! [laughs] You know, you can't form a relationship based on lies, Rachel.

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Oh yeah? What magazine told you that?

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
Experience.

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
I can feel it in me water.

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
What does that mean? I've never known what that meant.

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
It means... I feel it... in me water.

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Right...

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
You know this Atkins bloke, the one they call The Cleaner? You know he dumps the body parts in so many different places, that there's never any chance of finding them all.

Senior Constable Gavin 'Sykesy' Sykes:
Yeah, I've heard something to that affect.

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
And some of the victims, they aren't quite dead when he starts to dismember them. Well you see, this sort of thing, it scares the living crap out of me. But you're backing up my old partner. And I just wanted to say that if anything happened to her, there'd be one more person you'd have to worry about. If you get my drift.

Senior Constable Gavin 'Sykesy' Sykes:
Yeah...

Chief Inspector Jeff Hawker:
The Olympic Committee will be here soon, and I want everyone their toes. [leaves the office]

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
What's he talking about?

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
I think he means do up your tie.

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
Stupid bloody Olympics. They'll be a disaster. I think I'll stay as I am.

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
[is hungover] Hey, would you drive today?

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
Me? Drive?

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
I tried calling you, but you weren't home.

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Yep!

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
So you were out?

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Did anyone tell you you're not a good detective, Frank?

Michael Jeffries:
So Rachel, what do you do for a living?

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Well Michael... I'm a wine taster!

Lucy White:
[to Frank] My husband Gary said that when you interviewed him in prison, you treated him like a human being.

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
So two years? That's a long time. Anything could happen. You know, you could meet one of those Miss World's Venezuela's so famous for... I could meet someone...

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
Yeah, you could. But, you'd tell me if you did, wouldn't you?

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Why? To get your approval?

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
Yeah. Something like that.

Detective Senior Constable Rachel 'Goldie' Goldstein:
Would you give it?

Detective Senior Constable Frank Holloway:
Nup!

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
[after Rachel hits a man with a telephone book] I think you've been booked!

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
Of course, I would've preferred to have had Detective Goldstein...

Chief Inspector Jeff Hawker:
No doubt.

Det. Sgt. Jack Christey:
But Tommy and Gavin will do.