Welcome to Me

[repeated line]

Alice Klieg:
I would like to read from a prepared statement.

Alice Klieg:
I was a summer baby born in 1971 in Simi Valley, California, and I've been using masturbation as a sedative since 1991.

Alice Klieg:
I love your facial expressions.

Alice Klieg:
This morning I woke up and there was a pubic hair on my pillow shaped like a question mark. And it really got me thinking of unanswered questions, like all the times in my life when I was supposed to feel something but I felt nothing and all the other times in my life where i wasn't supposed to feel anything but I felt too much and the people around me weren't really ready for all of my feelings.

Alice Klieg:
Let's castrate.

Alice Klieg:
Come with me. Into another time that happened to me.

Alice Klieg:
You docked in my port.

Alice Klieg:
Ladies and gentlemen, meatloaf cake, with mashed sweet potato icing, with only 433 calories, 52 grams of protein, and only five caibo-hydrants. I think I'm going to have a slice.