What's New, Pussycat

Dr. Fritz Fassbender:
My father, the most beloved gynecologist in Vienna, before they took him away on a morals charge for indecent exposure at the State Opera House, said, and I quote: "Please do not take me away, I will not do it again."

Victor Skakapopulis:
Brilliant quote.

Dr. Fritz Fassbender:
He was a brilliant pervert.

Michael James:
Did you find a job?

Victor Skakapopulis:
Yeah, I got something at the striptease. I help the girls dress and undress.

Michael James:
Nice job.

Victor Skakapopulis:
Twenty francs a week.

Michael James:
Not very much.

Victor Skakapopulis:
It's all I can afford.

Liz Bien:
Would you excuse me for a minute? I'm going into the bathroom to take an overdose of sleeping pills.

Michael James:
I like you. You're a nice stable girl.

Dr. Fritz Fassbender:
I am a doctor of the mind.

Victor Skakapopulis:
Really?

Dr. Fritz Fassbender:
Yes!

Victor Skakapopulis:
I have terrible emotional problems. Could you help me?

Dr. Fritz Fassbender:
You certainly picked a very odd time to ask me, just in the middle of a suicide.

Dr. Fritz Fassbender:
Silence when you're shouting at me!

Michael James:
As a man's life goes down the drain, you are there.

Miss Marks:
Oh, Michael, this can't work! I'm 34 and you're 12!

Michael James:
Don't be negative!

Michael James:
What in the name of all that's gracious is a semi-virgin?

Dr. Fritz Fassbender:
You're grotesque!

Anna Fassbender:
Lascivious adulterer!

Dr. Fritz Fassbender:
Don't you dare call me that again until I have looked it up!

Anna Fassbender:
Is she prettier than me?

Dr. Fritz Fassbender:
Is she prettier than you? I'M prettier than YOU!

Michael James:
Give me the key.

Carole Werner:
No. Take a cab.

Michael James:
I don't wish to take a key, I want my carcabs!

Carole Werner:
We're married thirty seconds and already you look at other woman.

Michael James:
I have to look at her, she was talking to me; I looked in the direction the sound was coming from.

Victor Skakapopulis:
Do you have any salt?

Dr. Fritz Fassbender:
Have I got any salt? I got a boat, I got kerosene, matches, firecrackers, two swords, and this flag. But, I ain't got no salt.

Dr. Fritz Fassbender:
My wife, the creature that ate Europe, is here.

Victor Skakapopulis:
I just burnt my finger! I'm going to go in the bathroom and scream. I'll be out in a minute.

Dr. Fritz Fassbender:
You'll like this group analysis, it's a real freak show. If it gets dull, we sing songs.

Michael James:
In Britain, we have a national therapy, we call it cricket. Unlike other sports, it doesn't involve anxieties or pressures. It's leisurely and lyrical. It's the song of willow on leather.

Dr. Fritz Fassbender:
Is there any sex in it?

Michael James:
Oh, no. This is a game for gentlemen, played by gentlemen.

Dr. Fritz Fassbender:
It's sick, sick.

Anna Fassbender:
Foiled by a cheap cinematic trick.

Dr. Fritz Fassbender:
I, uh, decided to follow you here.

Michael James:
If you followed me here, how did you contrive to be here before me?

Dr. Fritz Fassbender:
I followed you... very fast.

Dr. Fritz Fassbender:
May I explain that what you see happening here is merely an illusion . . .

Anna Fassbender:
An illusion?

Dr. Fritz Fassbender:
An illusion. Shut the door, count three . . .

Anna Fassbender:
Three?

Dr. Fritz Fassbender:
Four, if you like, but close the door and you'll see it's just an illusion.

Michael James:
I'll be back tomorrow. If I'm not back tomorrow, send for the police. If they're not back tomorrow, send my clothes.

Dr. Fritz Fassbender:
If it fails, then we'll try something else, because I use all kinds of unorthodox methods. For example, I've had the greatest success shutting people in dark closets.

Dr. Fritz Fassbender:
I think that you have a little sexual block over the spelling of that naughty name. Allow me to help you, I'm a psychoanalyst, among other things.

Victor Skakapopulis:
We played strip chess. She had me down to my shorts and I fainted from tension.

Carole Werner:
You got something to eat?

Victor Skakapopulis:
Some, uh, some fig newtons, and some Hershey bars, and some cough drops.

Dr. Fritz Fassbender:
When did all this come to an end?

Michael James:
It didn't come to an end! That's the point.

Dr. Fritz Fassbender:
You are a monster and a monster, in that order.

Michael James:
I've had a lot of experience fondling, er, handling young women like you. And it's all got to stop.

Michael James:
Pussycat from the sky, I can't resist you.

Rita:
Don't resist. Capitulate.