Wiseguy

Charles Shagrass:
You're McPike?

Frank McPike:
Most of the time. I was Batman in the third grade, but that seems to be in the past.

Vinnie:
How fast can you get me $10,000?

Uncle Mike:
It would amaze even you.

Sonny Steelgrave:
You're that smart. How come you're not that smart?

Vinnie:
[looking at roger's tricked out T-bird car with hidden guns in front and back]

Vinnie:
What do you use this for?

Roger LoCocco:
Weddings, parties, special occasions.

Mike 'Mooch' Cacciatore:
You got no cause for arrest.

Frank McPike:
What are you, greaseball, a lawyer?

Mike 'Mooch' Cacciatore:
Yeah, well, as a matter of fact, I am. Y'know, you grow over 6'4" and everybody automatically assumes you're brain dead. Now, I think you're too short and wimpy-looking to be a Fed, but there you are. [grabs McPike's arm as he tries to leave] You arrest my client, and I'll make you wish you were a farmer rather than a Fed.

Frank McPike:
You know you have your hand on me?

Mel Profitt:
Only the toes knows.

Sonny Steelgrave:
In my neighborhood, possession is nine tenth of the law. The other ten - we don't care about.

Frank McPike:
Boy, sometimes if it wasn't for dumb luck we wouldn't have any luck at all.

Monique:
I'm Monique, Herb.

Frank McPike:
I've got 14 years in, Paul. That's almost a third of my life. My marriage broke up, my son doesn't know who I... I've given everything to this job.

Frank McPike:
So much for my future in undercover work.

Frank McPike:
Um, I was never really very much with words. I'm Irish, you see. Well, I don't know, what can I say. I've worked with Mr. Chambers for several weeks... his father's one of the best senators money can buy...

Frank McPike:
That I think was called a dog and pony show. You see, you were the pony and I was the dog.

Frank McPike:
And lose Special Agent Frank McPike and the wonder dog, Santana? Now what would your friends on Eyewitness News say.

Mel Profitt:
The idle rich are hard to entertain.

Susan Profitt:
What do you think?

Mel Profitt:
Only the toes knows.

Frank McPike:
Oh, thank you for forty months of valiant service in the face of daily terror, and now, Vinnie, if you don't mind, we would like to confine you for an indeterminate amount of time while the Bureau psychiatrists ascertain your moral fitness?

[Sonny and Vinnie are watching TV interview of the new district attorney Anthony Serrera]

Anthony Serrera:
[describing how the mafia bosses operate] They use the most draconian methods!

Sonny Steelgrave:
Huh?

Vincent Michael 'Vinnie' Terranova:
Like Dracula.

Frank McPike:
You did the right thing. In spite of the money and the women and the power, you did the right thing. A lot of guys we work for and with, they would have caved in to the seduction. I don't know that I wouldn't have myself.

Sonny Steelgrave:
You a federal or a Jersey cop? I can't believe you're a cop!

Frank McPike:
I don't care what gets raised right now. Vince's cover couldn't mean less to me.

Frank McPike:
Well, there you are in a nine hundred dollar a day suite at the Georges Cinque and here I am in the naugahyde room of the Karl Marx Pavilion. This is great. When I was undercover it was pockmarked prostitutes.

Frank McPike:
Lillah, Lillah, please don't take this as a personal thing. I used to go home before Mel Profitt, now I haven't been home for a weekend in more than three months. I know the strain's beginning to show. I'm hurting in places I don't wanna hurt. And Vince... Vince. You know, I stood right here buying a hamburger when he took it. And I looked out there and there he was in the blood and the pain... You know, I'd just been bitching about how lucky he's had it... And my wife left me. I hadn't talked to her in a week. We kept missing each other. This morning I got a recording telling me that the phone had been disconnected at the customer's request. She put my dog in a kennel and took my kid to her mother's. Now you tell me where the hell that's at-my dog is thirteen years old and he's gonna stay in a kennel 'til I get back or I exceed my credit card limit. In which case I don't have any idea what happens to him. Vinnie's dying and she tells me I'm doing this to her? Actually, her mother tells me 'cause she won't talk to me. She says that if she were dying I'd say, go ahead and go on without me, Hon, 'cause I have no idea why I'll be home. So here I am, standin' here in my nightie, telling this to a practically absolute stranger. A very nice stranger. Because - Because, Lillah, I want to be touched. I want to be loved. Because- 'Cause I'm an ass.

Sonny Steelgrave:
Hey, you're smart. How come you're not that smart.

Renaldo Sykes:
Norman Winfield created the greatest single-hand weapon to date, capable of firing more than twenty rounds per second. It is also a compact rocket launcher.

Dave Steelgrave:
Yeah, and I got a toaster that makes popcorn. So what?

Sonny Steelgrave:
In my neighborhood, possession is nine tenth of the law. The other tenth - we don't care about.

Mel Profitt:
Talking to vince "Elvis Is leaving us"

Susan Profitt:
Why?

Mel Profitt:
He wanna go home to guido

Susan Profitt:
Who's guido?

Mel Profitt:
Doing a Marlon Brando voice "The Mob The OutFit the don prevdo kiss my ring"

Mel Profitt:
A man can kill with anything.

Frank McPike:
They're MBA gangsters. They don't honor thy father, they honor the leveraged buyout.

Gina Augustina:
Are you sure you OK?

Vinnie:
Oh yeah, I'm fine.

Vinnie:
It takes more than an antenna-wielding maniac to put Vinnie Terranova on the bench!

Mel Profitt:
There's nothing like death to get the old juices flowing. Exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. It's kinda like love I suppose.