Witness for the Prosecution

Janet Mackensie:
Perhaps you can help me, your Lordship. Six months, I have applied for my hearing aid and I am still waiting for it.

Judge:
My dear madame. Considering the rubbish that is being taught nowadays, you are missing very little.

Sir Wilfrid:
Be prepared for hysterics and even a fainting spell. Better have smelling salts handy and a nip of brandy.

Christine Vole:
I do not think that will be necessary. I never faint because I am not sure that I will fall gracefully and I never use smelling salts because they puff up the eyes. I am Christine Vole.

Leonard Vole:
But this is England, where I thought you never arrest, let alone convict, people for crimes they have not committed.

Sir Wilfrid:
We try not to make a habit of it.

Miss Plimsoll:
Teeny weeny flight of steps, Sir Wilfrid, we mustn't forget we've had a teeny weeny heart attack.

Mr. Myers:
I hope we are not to be deprived of the learned and stimulating company of Sir Wilfrid?

Sir Wilfrid:
I am constantly surprised that women's hats do not provoke more murders.

Miss Plimsoll:
Shall we roll up the window, Sir Wilfrid?

Sir Wilfrid:
Just roll up your mouth, that's all I ask!