Wizard of Oz

Auntie Em:
Now you go feed those hogs before they worry themselves into anemia!

Miss Gulch:
Mr. Gale, I want to see you and your wife right away about Dorothy.

Uncle Henry:
Dorothy? Well, what has Dorothy done?

Miss Gulch:
What she's done? I'm all but lame from the bite on my leg!

Uncle Henry:
You mean she bit you?

Miss Gulch:
No, her dog!

Uncle Henry:
Oh, she bit her dog, eh?

Miss Gulch:
No!

Auntie Em:
For twenty-three years I've been dying to tell you what I thought of you! And now... well, being a Christian woman, I can't say it!

Dorothy:
Don't be silly, Toto. Scarecrows don't talk.

Dorothy:
Lions and tigers and bears! Oh, my!

Dorothy:
Oh please, Professor, why can't we go with you and see all the Crowned Heads of Europe?

Professor Marvel:
Do you know any? Oh, you mean the... thing. Yes.

Professor Marvel:
Professor Marvel never guesses. He knows!

Scarecrow:
Come along Dorothy. You don't want any of those apples.

Apple Tree:
Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be?

Scarecrow:
Oh, no! It's just that she doesn't like little green worms!

Cowardly Lion:
All right, I'll go in there for Dorothy. Wicked Witch or no Wicked Witch, guards or no guards, I'll tear them apart. I may not come out alive, but I'm going in there. There's only one thing I want you fellows to do.

Tin Woodsman:

Cowardly Lion:
Talk me out of it.

Cowardly Lion:
Courage! What makes a king out of a slave? Courage! What makes the flag on the mast to wave? Courage! What makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist, or the dusky dusk? What makes the muskrat guard his musk? Courage! What makes the sphinx the seventh wonder? Courage! What makes the dawn come up like thunder? Courage! What makes the Hottentot so hot? What puts the "ape" in apricot? What have they got that I ain't got?

Dorothy:

Tin Woodsman:
Courage!

Cowardly Lion:
You can say that again! Huh?

Cowardly Lion:
I do believe in spooks. I do believe in spooks. I do! I do! I do! I do believe in spooks. I do believe in spooks. I do! I do! I do! I do!

Wicked Witch of the West:
You'll believe in more than that before I'm finished with you.

Wizard of Oz:
Do not arouse the wrath of the great and powerful Oz. I said come back tomorrow.

Dorothy:
I'm not afraid of her.

Zeke:
Then next time she squawks, walk right up to her and spit in her eye. That's what I'd do.

Wizard of Oz:
A heart is not judged by how much you love; but by how much you are loved by others.

Dorothy:
Did you say something?

Tin Woodsman:
Oilcan.

Dorothy:
He said oilcan.

Scarecrow:
Oil can what?

Dorothy:
Where do you want to be oiled first?

Auntie Em:
Why don't you find a place where there isn't any trouble.

Dorothy:
A place where there isn't any trouble. Do you suppose there is such a place Toto? There must be. It's not a place you can get to by a boat or a train. It's far, far away. Behind the moon, beyond the rain.

Dorothy:
Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.

Dorothy:
My! People come and go so quickly here!

Wicked Witch of the West:
Going so soon? I wouldn't hear of it. Why my little party's just beginning.

Wicked Witch of the West:
I'll get you my pretty... and your little dog too!

Scarecrow:
I haven't got a brain... only straw.

Dorothy:
How can you talk if you haven't got a brain?

Scarecrow:
I don't know... But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking... don't they?

Dorothy:
Yes, I guess you're right.

Tin Woodsman:
Go away and leave us alone.

Cowardly Lion:
Oh, scared huh? Afraid, huh? Ah, how long can you stay fresh in that can? Ha ha ha ha.

Scarecrow:
First they

Scarecrow:
took my legs off and they threw them over there! Then they took my chest out and they threw it over there!

Tin Woodsman:
Well, that's you all over!

Wicked Witch of the West:
Who ever thought a little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness?

Wizard of Oz:
Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.

Wizard of Oz:
As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart. You don't know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.

Tin Woodsman:
But I still want one.

Wizard of Oz:
Why, anybody can have a brain. That's a very mediocre commodity. Every pusillanimous creature that crawls on the Earth or slinks through slimy seas has a brain. Back where I come from, we have universities, seats of great learning, where men go to become great thinkers. And when they come out, they think deep thoughts and with no more brains than you have. But they have one thing you haven't got: a diploma.

Scarecrow:
The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side. Oh joy! Rapture! I got a brain! How can I ever thank you enough?

Wizard of Oz:
You can't.

Tin Woodsman:
What have you learned, Dorothy?

Dorothy:
Well, I - I think that it - it wasn't enough to just want to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em - and it's that - if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with! Is that right?

Dorothy:
Oh, but anyway, Toto, we're home. Home! And this is my room, and you're all here. And I'm not gonna leave here ever, ever again, because I love you all, and - oh, Auntie Em - there's no place like home!

Wicked Witch of the West:
What a nice little dog. And you, my dear. What an unexpected pleasure. It's so kind of you to want to visit me in my loneliness.

Wicked Witch of the West:
Who killed my sister? Who killed the Witch of the East? Was it you?

Dorothy:
No, no. It was an accident. I didn't mean to kill anybody.

Wicked Witch of the West:
Well, my little pretty, I can cause accidents, too!

Guardian of the Emerald City Gates:
Orders are nobody can see the Great Oz! Not nobody, not nohow!

Guardian of the Emerald City Gates:
Now, state your business.

Dorothy:
We want to see the wizard!

Guardian of the Emerald City Gates:
The wizard? But nobody can see the great Oz, nobody's *ever* seen the great Oz... even I've never seen him!

Dorothy:
Well then, how do you know there is one?

Wizard of Oz:
You people should consider yourselves lucky that I'm granting you an audience tomorrow instead of 20 years from now.

Scarecrow:
I'm not afraid of her. I'm not afraid of anything - except a lighted match.

Dorothy:
I don't blame you for that.

Glinda, the Good Witch of the North:
You have no power here! Now begone, before somebody drops a house on you!

Wicked Witch of the West:
I'm melting! I'm melting!

Dorothy:
Oh, Thank you so much! We've been gone such a long time and we feel so messy... What kind of a horse is that? I've never seen a horse like that before!

Guardian of the Emerald City Gates:
And never will again, I fancy. There's only one of him and he's it. He's the Horse of a Different Color, you've heard tell about.

Dorothy:
What would you do with a brain if you had one?

Scarecrow:
I'm not afraid of her! I'll see you get safely to the Wizard now, whether I get a brain or not. Stuff a mattress with me. Ha!

Tin Woodsman:
I'll see you reach the Wizard, whether I get a heart or not. Beehive, bah! Let her try and make a beehive out of me!

Dorothy:
Oh, you're the best friends anybody ever had. And it's funny, but I feel as if I'd known you all the time, but I couldn't have, could I?

Scarecrow:
I don't see how. You weren't around when I was stuffed and sewn together, were you?

Tin Woodsman:
And I was standing over there, rusting for the longest time.

Dorothy:
Still, I wish I could remember, but I guess it doesn't matter anyway. We know each other now, don't we?

Scarecrow:
That's right.

Tin Woodsman:
We do.

Scarecrow:
To Oz?

Tin Woodsman:
To Oz.

Dorothy:
You go away or I - I'll bite you myself!

Auntie Em:
Dorothy!

Hunk:
Now look here, Dorothy, you ain't using your head about Miss Gulch. You'd think you didn't have any brains at all.

Dorothy:
I have so got brains.

Hunk:
Well, why don't you use them. When you come home, don't go by Miss Gulch's place. Then Toto won't get in her garden, and you won't get in no trouble. See?

Dorothy:
Oh Hunk, you just won't listen, that's all.

Hunk:
Well, your head ain't made of straw, you know.

Auntie Em:
I saw you tinkering with that contraption, Hickory. Now you and Hunk get back to that wagon.

Hickory:
All right, Mrs. Gale. But someday, they're going to erect a statue to me in this town

Auntie Em:
Well, don't start posing for it now.

Cowardly Lion:
Come on, get up and fight, you shivering junkyard!

Cowardly Lion:
And put your hands up, you lopsided bag of hay!

Scarecrow:
Now that's getting personal, Lion.

Tin Woodsman:
Yes. Get up and teach him a lesson.

Scarecrow:
Well, what's wrong with you teaching him?

Tin Woodsman:
Well, I hardly know him.

Wicked Witch of the West:
Helping the little lady along are you, my fine gentlemen? Well stay away from her, or I'll stuff a mattress with you! And you, I'll make you into a beehive. Here Scarecrow, want to play ball?

Wizard of Oz:
You are talking to a man who has laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom and chuckled at catastrophe.

Scarecrow:
I could while away the hours/conferrin' with the flowers/consultin' with the rain/And my head I'd be scratchin'/ While my thoughts were busy hatchin'/If I only had a brain.

Tin Woodsman:
I can barely hear my heart beating!

Apple Tree:
How would you like it if someone came along and picked something off of you?

Wizard of Oz:
I can't come back! I don't know how it works! Good-bye folks!

Scarecrow:
I've got a way to get us in there, and you're gonna lead us.

Wicked Witch of the West:
How about a little fire, Scarecrow?

Scarecrow:
Then I'm sure to get a brain.

Tin Woodsman:
A heart.

Dorothy:
A home.

Cowardly Lion:
The nerve!

Cowardly Lion:
Read what my medal says: "Courage". Ain't it the truth? Ain't it the truth?

Tin Woodsman:
Help! Help!

Scarecrow:
It's no use screaming at a time like this. Nobody will hear you. Help! Help!

Wizard of Oz:
They have one thing you haven't got: a diploma. Therefore, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Universitartus Committiartum E Pluribus Unum, I hereby confer upon you the honorary degree of ThD.

Scarecrow:
ThD?

Wizard of Oz:
That's... Doctor of Thinkology.

Wizard of Oz:
Back where I come from there are men who do nothing all day but good deeds. They are called phila... er, phila... er, yes, er, Good Deed Doers.

Glinda, the Good Witch of the North:
Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?

Dorothy:
I'm not a witch at all. I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas.

Glinda, the Good Witch of the North:
Oh. Well, is that the witch?

Dorothy:
Who, Toto? Toto's my dog!

Glinda, the Good Witch of the North:
Ooh! What a smell of sulfur.

Dorothy:
We must be over the rainbow!

Wizard of Oz:
To confer, converse, and otherwise hob-nob with my brother wizards.

Dorothy:
I've got a witch mad at me and you might get into trouble!

Glinda, the Good Witch of the North:
Only the bad witches are ugly.

Dorothy:
She isn't coming yet, Toto. Did she hurt you? She tried to, didn't she? Come on. We'll go tell Uncle Henry and Auntie Em.

The scarecrow to Dorothy when they first meet. "Of course, most people do go both ways."

"Well , my little pretty , I can cause accidents too !"

"And remember my sentimental friend:
a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others."

The Wizard to the Tin Man