Y Tu Mamá También

Luisa:
You have to make the clitoris your best friend.

Tenoch:
What kind of friend is always hiding?

Luisa:
Life is like the surf, so give yourself away like the sea.

Luisa:
Who cares who you two f***ed when you come that fast!

Luisa:
Play with babies and you'll end up washing diapers!

Julio Zapata:
Chuy, nothing like tooting the old horn!

Alejandro 'Jano' Montes de Oca:
I didn't know you want to be a writer. What are you going to write about, "fine boys"?

Tenoch:
No, about faggots like you.

Alejandro 'Jano' Montes de Oca:
Well, let me tell you that there is a big difference between writing highschool tales and producing actual literature.

Tenoch:
When do you begin?

Alejandro 'Jano' Montes de Oca:
Have you read my book already?

Tenoch:
I read the critics.

Alejandro 'Jano' Montes de Oca:
Critics are a bunch of a**holes

Julio Zapata:
Traveling is really cool

Tenoch:
Yeah, but with mushrooms! You've never stepped into a single plane

Julio Zapata:
Truth is cool but unattainable... the truth is totally amazing, but you can't ever reach it.

Luisa:
You have to make the clitoris your best friend.

Tenoch:
What kind of friend is always hiding?

Luisa:
Life is like the surf, so give yourself away like the sea.

Luisa:
Who cares who you two f***ed when you come that fast!

Luisa:
Play with babies and you'll end up washing diapers!

Julio Zapata:
Chuy, nothing like tooting the old horn!

Alejandro 'Jano' Montes de Oca:
I didn't know you want to be a writer. What are you going to write about, "fine boys"?

Tenoch:
No, about faggots like you.

Alejandro 'Jano' Montes de Oca:
Well, let me tell you that there is a big difference between writing highschool tales and producing actual literature.

Tenoch:
When do you begin?

Alejandro 'Jano' Montes de Oca:
Have you read my book already?

Tenoch:
I read the critics.

Alejandro 'Jano' Montes de Oca:
Critics are a bunch of a**holes

Julio Zapata:
Traveling is really cool

Tenoch:
Yeah, but with mushrooms! You've never stepped into a single plane

Silivia Allende de Iturbide:
Oh, Saba, I didn't know you were here

Diego 'Saba' Madero:
[on drugs] Oh, here and everywhere

Diego 'Saba' Madero:
[giving Tenoch directions with the aid of a map] So you go this way, and then you take this road, and you...

Tenoch:
Saba, screw off, that's a river!

Julio Zapata:
Truth is cool but unattainable... the truth is totally amazing, but you can't ever reach it.

Tenoch:
[after Tenoch discovers that Ana has cheated on him with Julio] How many times did you f*** her?

Julio Zapata:
Only once, we were really shitfaced

Tenoch:
When did you guys do it?

Julio Zapata:
I don't know

Tenoch:
When? Tell me when!

Julio Zapata:
When you went to Lake Tahoe

Tenoch:
Where did you do it?

Julio Zapata:
I think it was in a party

Tenoch:
What party a**hole?

Julio Zapata:
I think it was the one with the Fruit Loop

Tenoch:
The place where Saba popped her cherry?

Julio Zapata:
[laughs] I think so!

Tenoch:
[angrily] What are you laughing at a**hole? Don't laugh f***er!

Tenoch:
How many times did you f*** her?

Julio Zapata:
Once, we were really wasted

Tenoch:
When did you do it

Julio Zapata:
I don't know

Tenoch:
Tell me when!

Julio Zapata:
When you went to Lake Tahoe

Tenoch:
Where was Cecilia?

Julio Zapata:
She was sick

Tenoch:
Where did you two did it?

Julio Zapata:
I don't know

Tenoch:
What do you mean you don't know a**hole?

Julio Zapata:
I think it was in a party

Tenoch:
What party a**hole?

Julio Zapata:
I think it was at Fruit Loop's place

Tenoch:
Where Saba popped her cherry?

Julio Zapata:
[laughs] I think so!

Tenoch:
[angrily] What are you laughing at f***er? Don't laugh f*ggot!

Tenoch:
Me too

Luisa:
You too what Tenoch?

Tenoch:
Julio! Me too f*ggot!

Julio Zapata:
You too what?

Tenoch:
I f***ed Ceci, your girlfriend!

Luisa:
What?

Julio Zapata:
That's not true! When?

Tenoch:
After the Plastilina concert

Julio Zapata:
F***! That's why you took me home first, right? Where!

Tenoch:
In my house

Julio Zapata:
In your house a**hole!

Tenoch:
She was wearing the panties with flowers on them!

Tenoch:
Did she blow you?

Julio Zapata:
[looks away] Of course not man!

Tenoch:
[angrily] Look me in the eyes a**hole! Did she blow you?

Julio Zapata:
No.

Tenoch:
Did you blow her? You f***ing pig!

Julio Zapata:
Of course not, c'mon!

Tenoch:
Did she come?

Julio Zapata:
How could I know? It happened really fast, maybe she didn't.

Tenoch:
Did she like it?

Julio Zapata:
I don't know.

Tenoch:
Did you like it, a**hole?

Julio Zapata:
No dude! No! I really felt like sh*t, I mean it!

[beat]

Julio Zapata:
I wanted to tell you.

Tenoch:
[shouts] F*** you a**hole! You f***ed up our friendship, you f***ed up my trust, you f***ed my girl! You f***ed up! Even when I brought from Lake Tahoe your f***ing comics and the f***ing dress for Ana, that whore!

Julio Zapata:
Tenoch, I'm sorry man, it was an accident, really.

Tenoch:
An accident?

[angrily]

Tenoch:
You poke some girl's eye by accident, a**hole! You don't f*** her! You don't f*** her!

Julio Zapata:
[shyly] Right... right.

Julio Zapata:
F*** "economists" man!

Luisa:
You get babies to look after, you end up changing their diapers!

[last lines]

Julio Zapata:
Check please.

Narrator:
Life is like the foam of the sea. You must dive into it.

Julio Zapata:
[walking out of the shower naked] You're full of sh*t, man.

Tenoch:
[laughing] I maybe full of sh*t... but, you've got one ugly dick. It looks like a deflated balloon.

Julio Zapata:
Well, come and blow it up for me, a**hole!