Young Blades

Jacqueline Roget:
[Jacqueline is in disguise as a man.] [D'Artagnan yawns.] Is catching a palace spy so boring?

D'Artagnan:
Waiting to catch one is. I know a game we can play to stay awake.

Jacqueline Roget:
I know that game too. You're the *last* man on earth I'd play it with.

D'Artagnan:
[smirks] You're the *only* man on earth I'd play it with.

Siroc:
If you're the real Captain Duvall, tell us something only he would know.

Captain Duvall:
Like what?

D'Artagnan:
Like what we got you for your last birthday.

Ramon Montalvo Francisco de la Cruz:
Yeah.

Captain Duvall:
Nothing! Bunch of thoughtless, shiftless recruits.

Siroc:
Yeah, that's the captain.

Gerard Roget:
Remember, that man is my sister.

Jacqueline Roget:
[after a cardinal's guard has killed her father] You've sent a good man to heaven. Now you go to hell. [she runs him through with a sword]

Jaqueline Rochey:
Do you yield to D'Artagnan?

Gerard Rochey:
Wait a minute, I'M D'Artagnan!

Jaqueline Rochey:
No, I'M D'Artagnan!

Gerard Rochey:
Why do you always get to be D'Artagnan?

Jaqueline Rochey:
Because I always win, do you yield?

Father Rochey:
He yields, he yields! Jacqueline, I sent you for eggs half an hour ago and Gerard... [Looks down] Why are you standing in horse manure?

Ramon Montalvo Francisco de la Cruz:
[referring to coffee] Come and try this brown drink, I'm on my sixth bowl already, it's fantastic! I've been rhapsodizing for an hour now!

Letrec:
Seems more like two hours.

Siroc:
You know, there's no reason why man can't fly.

D'Artagnan:
Sure, look at Ramon.

Siroc:
[laughs, then looks at Ramon, considering] Well, yeah.

D'Artagnan:
[In a fight with a Cardinal Guard, cuts off one half of the man's moustache] Oh, sorry, let me even that up for you. [Cuts off the other half of the moustache]

Siroc:
[after D'Artagnan slides across a table and lands face first in a woman's breasts, saying thoughtfully] Bags of air could save lives.

D'Artagnan:
What?

Siroc:
Just thinking out loud, look out! [Letrec attacks from behind, is stopped by Captain Duval]

Captain Duvall:
[shouting] Cease this melee!

Letrec:
If you can't train your musketeers, Captain Duval, we will!

Captain Duvall:
Looks to me Letrec like they were training you!

King Louis XIV:
What is the point in being King if your pimples won't obey you!

Cardinal Mazarin:
Well technically, you're not the King, your Majesty. The coronation won't take place until next year when you're sixteen. But when it does, your pimples will tremble in your divine presence.

King Louis XIV:
You're not funny.

King Louis XIV:
Cardinal Mazarin wants to get rid of my Musketeers!

Cardinal Mazarin:
They are ruffians My Lady.

Queen Anne:
Then get rid of them.

King Louis XIV:
But I like them!

Queen Anne:
Then don't get rid of them. Which necklace?

Cardinal Mazarin:
The emeralds, My Lady.

Queen Anne:
I'll wear the diamonds.

D'Artagnan:
How did you like that barber job I gave that Cardinal's Guard Sir?

Captain Duvall:
I didn't!

Captain Duvall:
Gentlemen, our nation is at peril, our Queen has never cared to govern, our young King is... is unmolded clay! We cannot let Mazarin be the only influence over the CROWN- [slams his fist on the table to emphasize his point, the table buckles]

Siroc:
Sorry Sir, that's my fault, I needed a few extra screws for my new invention...

Captain Duvall:
So you dismantled my desk?

Siroc:
Well, the quartermaster was out of screws Sir and, if you don't mind me saying so, if you gesture a little less emphatically, we might...

Captain Duvall:
Leave it! Just leave it alone!

Ramon Montalvo Francisco de la Cruz:
[to D'Artagnan] You're insatiable!

D'Artagnan:
Oh, well, we're both insatiable Ramon. I like women, you like... chickens.

Jaqueline Rochey:
[Dressed in men's clothes] 'Scuse me, I am interested in enlisting in the musketeers.

D'Artagnan:
Yes, and I'd like to be the Queen of Romania!

Jaqueline Rochey:
You are rude.

D'Artagnan:
Oh it was a joke.

Jaqueline Rochey:
You will apologize.

D'Artagnan:
Well I thought I just did.

Jaqueline Rochey:
An excuse is not an apology.

D'Artagnan:
Well, aren't we the little Bantam Cock?

Jaqueline Rochey:
More insults. [pulls out a knife] Draw your weapon!

D'Artagnan:
[laughs] Now all you need is a fork and you can dine with Ramon!

Jaqueline Rochey:
Draw your weapon Sir!

D'Artagnan:
My I ask who it is I am about to humiliate?

Jaqueline Rochey:
Jacques. Leponte. And your name Sir?

D'Artagnan:
D'Artagnan.

Jaqueline Rochey:
That's impossible. Too young to be the great D'Artagnan and you're [snorts] clearly no relation.

D'Artagnan:
Why's that?

Jaqueline Rochey:
Because he was an excellent swordsman.

D'Artagnan:
[after throwing 'Jacques' to the floor under a cow] Enjoying the view?

Jaqueline Rochey:
[Grabs cow's udder and squirts milk into his face, stands up and grabs his sword arm while putting her own sword against his crotch] Now let go. [Takes his sword] Thank you. [Throws it behind her, Captain Duval catches it]

Captain Duvall:
Well done. Well done.

Jaqueline Rochey:
Thank you. Jacques Leponte at your service.

Captain Duvall:
Captain Duval.

Jaqueline Rochey:
I would like to join the musketeers Captain.

D'Artagnan:
You can't just join. We're an elite force...

Captain Duvall:
It wouldn't hurt you to have some competition. The son of the legendary D'Artagnan isn't accustomed to losing.

D'Artagnan:
He cheated.

Captain Duvall:
Crying over spilt milk?

Jaqueline Rochey:
That's very witty Captain.

Captain Duvall:
Thank you. You have taste as well as talent.

Captain Duvall:
[after 'Jacques' tells them his sad life story, sounding truly sympathetic] That's terrible.

D'Artagnan:
[sarcastically] I'm crying.

D'Artagnan:
[while they are cleaning the dungeons as punishment] You know what I hate about hard work?

Siroc:
It's hard?

D'Artagnan:
Exactly!

Siroc:
As soon as I have conquered mechanised flight I'm getting right to work on a miracle cleanser.

Ramon Montalvo Francisco de la Cruz:
Si! A cleanser that will remove even these stubborn bloodstains.

D'Artagnan:
And these hard to reach corners.

Ramon Montalvo Francisco de la Cruz:
But will be easy on the elbows and knees.

Siroc:
Perhaps with a fresh lemony scent.

Ramon Montalvo Francisco de la Cruz:
But long lasting strength.

D'Artagnan:
But won't leave your hands cracked and red.

Siroc:
What if it was a lotion and a cleanser?

Ramon Montalvo Francisco de la Cruz:
A lotion and a cleanser in one?

Siroc:
A man can dream can't he?

Charlotte:
[to 'Jacques' as she's having lunch, alluringly] I love watching a man eat.

Charlotte:
[to Jacques in front of D'Artagnan, who has been flirting with her] You may kiss me. [Jacqueline looks horrified, she kisses Charlotte's hand and runs off]

Captain Duvall:
Have the others been giving you a hard time?

Jaqueline Rochey:
No.

Captain Duvall:
They may tease you about... [Starts looking uncomfortable] uh... The... well, the way you speak.

Jaqueline Rochey:
What way is that?

Captain Duvall:
Well, uh... You know I had a Sergeant once. Everybody in the barracks called him... 'Squeaky'. [hastily] But by God he was a soldier.

Ramon Montalvo Francisco de la Cruz:
[to D'Artagnan] He whips your butt, then steals your girl. In Madrid, I would have to kill him.

Cardinal Mazarin:
[On top of a cliff at midnight wearing robes and masks, about a bound prisoner] He seems to have gained some strength. But will he fly? [Throws prisoner off cliff] Trial and error. Well, thankfully we have plenty of specimens.

Jaqueline Rochey:
[Hiding, watching them] I know that voice! That's Cardinal Mazarin!

Jaqueline Rochey:
[being instructed on how to fly Siroc's flying machine] How do you land?

Siroc:
[Evasively] Uh, well, it's a work in progress.

Ramon Montalvo Francisco de la Cruz:
When you die, may I have your horse?

D'Artagnan:
Yes, but don't eat him.

Siroc:
Now, I lit the first fuse. When you pick up the prisoner, use this to light the second fuse.

D'Artagnan:
Fuse? For what?

Siroc:
For the gunpowder. How do you think you get up in the air? Oh, I almost forgot, here's a little bag of peanuts... Seemed like a good idea. Oh and, uh, cover your ears. [runs for cover]

Jaqueline Rochey:
[as they try to fly the machine] Flap!

D'Artagnan:
I'm flapping!

Gerard Rochey:
Jacqueline...

Jaqueline Rochey:
[Hurriedly] Jacques! Jacques, your brother Jacques! Jacques.

D'Artagnan:
[referring to the flying machine] Well, I think I'm starting to get the hang of this thing. [Suddenly they fly off to one side screaming]

Siroc:
[on the ground, watching them fly] He's over steering.

Ramon Montalvo Francisco de la Cruz:
Yes. [Pulls out his gun and points it at Siroc]

Siroc:
[Ducks the gun and Ramon shoots the man sneaking up behind Siroc. They uncover the dead man's face] He's a musketeer!

Ramon Montalvo Francisco de la Cruz:
Sergeant Morey!

Jaqueline Rochey:
[Jacqueline is stuck up a tree, her shirt has been torn off and she's hiding her chest in the branches] Throw me my shirt!

D'Artagnan:
What for?

Jaqueline Rochey:
I'm cold.

D'Artagnan:
Come down out of the wind.

Jaqueline Rochey:
First throw me my shirt!

D'Artagnan:
Don't be ridiculous.

Gerard Rochey:
I'll throw it to you! [Picks up the shirt, realises it's torn] Here, take mine instead! [Starts to pull his shirt off, answering D'Artagnan's look] He's ashamed of his belly button.

D'Artagnan:
[as Jacqueline reaches for her shirt] I wouldn't do that, the branch will- [the branch breaks and Jacqueline tumbles onto the floor, holding an armful of leaves to cover her chest] There's nothing wrong with your belly button.

Gerard Rochey:
Don't look at my brother like that!

Jaqueline Rochey:
Oh Gerard, you can quit pretending!

Gerard Rochey:
Right. Well don't look at my sister like that!

D'Artagnan:
I want an explanation. I'll trade you my shirt for the truth. The whole truth! For the partial truth you get a sleeve.

Gerard Rochey:
[saying good bye] Good bye. Thank you! And remember... That man is my sister. [walks off]

Jaqueline Rochey:
Actually I'd like you to forget that I'm his sister. If I'm caught I'll be executed. Can I trust you with my secret?

D'Artagnan:
[as Siroc and Ramon ride towards them] What about them?

Jaqueline Rochey:
The fewer who know the better. And fewer who will know that you lost a duel to a girl... Not to mention the heart of your little Charlotte.

D'Artagnan:
[shouting to the other two men] So! What do you think of our Jacques? Is he a stud or what?

D'Artagnan:
[after Jacqueline has vowed to bring down Mazarin] I'm with you.

Ramon Montalvo Francisco de la Cruz:
And I!

Siroc:
And I.

Jaqueline Rochey:
[raises her sword] All for one and one for all...

D'Artagnan:
NO, no, no, no... [the other two are shaking their heads] That's my father's motto.

Jaqueline Rochey:
But I've been wanting to say it all my life.

D'Artagnan:
And I've been hearing it my whole life. It's stale, OK? Let's just say we're brothers. Brothers in Arms! [Throws his arm around Jacqueline]

Jaqueline Rochey:
Brothers, yes. Arms- no. [Pokes his arm off her shoulders]