Yu-Gi-Oh! 3D: Bonds Beyond Time Abridged

Yusei Fudo:
Jack.

Jack Atlas:
[in extremely loud voice] Yusei!

Yusei Fudo:
There's something you should know.

Jack Atlas:
What is it, Yusei?

Yusei Fudo:
Card games on motorcycles.

Jack Atlas:
What?

Yusei Fudo:
I said, card games on motorcycles.

Jack Atlas:
I beg your pardon?

Jack Atlas:
I said, card games on motorcycles!

Jack Atlas:
What the hell is a motorcycle?

Yusei Fudo:
You're kidding, right?

Jack Atlas:
Hey, Crow! Do you have any idea what a motorcycle is?

Crow Hogan:
Can't say that I do, Jack.

Jack Atlas:
Yeah. We don't know what that is.

Yusei Fudo:
But we ride them all the time. It's our trademark.

Jack Atlas:
Why would we do that?

Yusei Fudo:
So that we can play card games on them.

Jack Atlas:
That sounds stupid.

Yusei Fudo:
Jack, you're scaring me.

Jack Atlas:
Come on, Crow! Let's go play a card game, while standing completely still...

Jack Atlas:
[his voice becomes deeper with each word] On. The. GROUND.

Yusei Fudo:
[slow-motion voice] NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Yusei Fudo:
[Yusei wakes up in his sleeping bag] GAHUH! Oh, thank God.

Crow Hogan:
Hey, isn't that Pegasus the creator of Duel Monsters? Yeah, and next to him is Yugi Moto, the King of Card Games!

Yusei Fudo:
What the hell is wrong with his hair?

Jack Atlas:
Yugi Moto? He was the greatest duelist who ever lived!

Yusei Fudo:
It says here that he died a virgin and his last words were "Oh God, I've wasted my life".

Jack Atlas:
The greatest duelist who ever lived. I love him.

Yusei Fudo:
Wait. Look! It's him!

Jack Atlas:
You found Waldo?

Yusei Fudo:
It's the guy who stole my card!

Jack Atlas:
Waldo stole your card?

Yusei Fudo:
Jack.

Jack Atlas:
Yusei!

Yusei Fudo:
No.

Jack Atlas:
'Kay!

Yugi Moto:
Now all we need to do is create a distraction.

Marik Ishtar:
[on stage] Greeting, fools, it is I! Marik Ishtar! And I am here to enslave all of you with my- [gets blown up by a fireball] Ah!

Lyman Banner:
Good luck everyone. I will be up here if you need an Asian guy. I'm Asian.

Paradox:
Pwotagonists! I challenge you to a card game!

Yusei Fudo:
You mean the thing that's going to destroy the world?

Paradox:
Yes! That.

Yusei Fudo:
Seems kind of hypocritical.

Yami Yugi:
Hm. The entire world or card games. Tough choice.

Yusei Fudo:
There is no choice. Without card games, this world isn't worth living in.

Cybernetic Ghost:
And that is the story of how Jaden, Yugi and Yusei saved the world.

Seto Kaiba:
So why wasn't I in the movie?

Cybernetic Ghost:
What movie?

Seto Kaiba:
The one you just described to me.

Cybernetic Ghost:
Oh. Right. Um. You were not in the movie because you were never born.

Seto Kaiba:
Yeah. Because I'm a robot, right?

Cybernetic Ghost:
No. As it turns out, you do have a father. And it's me!

Seto Kaiba:
Yeah. You're full of crap.

Cybernetic Ghost:
I love you too, son.

3-D Announcer:
We at Yu-Gi-Oh! Abridged would like to apologize for the lack of 3D content in this movie. However, we would like to think this is totally justified since 3D is bullsh*t and adds absolutely nothing to the cinema experience. So please, enjoy your 2D movie, because it's cheaper and much less obnoxious.

Paradox:
Very well, Yu-Gi-Oh Pwotagonists! Let's see how you like things, in the Mawific World!

Jaden Yuki:
Actually, this isn't so bad!

Yusei Fudo:
It's actually kind of pretty here.

Yami Yugi:
Makes a nice change from the Shadow Realm, that's for sure.

Paradox:
Stop that! It is suppose to be thweatening!

Yami Yugi:
Look at all the pretty lights!

Paradox:
Stop being impwessed by the Mawific World!

Announcer #1:
Welcome everyone, to the grand unveiling of a bunch of lame new trading cards. Here to introduce our host, Pirate Hitler!

Pirate Hitler:
[speaking rapidly] I shall send ze Jews straight to Davy Jones' locker! Heil Blackbeard!

Yugi Moto:
I love Pirate Hitler! He always makes me laugh.

Yugi Moto:
He always loved falling buildings, but only when they were falling on other people. [sobs] Grandpa! [stops sobbing] Can I have my Oscar now?

Paradox:
Ha haha! Ha haha haha! Once again, Pwotagonist, you see there is nothing you possess that I cannot take...

Yugi Moto:
Hey, f**k you, man! I'm trying to win an Oscar!

Paradox:
You stupid pwotagonist. I am not trying to destwoy the world, I am twying to save it.

Yusei Fudo:
Not if we can stop you-wait what?

Paradox:
In the future, the world as we know it has been destroyed. Humanity's ignorance has caused the planet to become... wavaged and wifeless.

Yami Yugi:
Wavaged and wifeless?

Jaden Yuki:
But how? Was it Global Warming?

Yusei Fudo:
Nuclear war?

Paradox:
No, none of those things happened. What destwoyed the world was... Caaaarrrrd Gaaaames...

Yusei Fudo:
What?

Paradox:
That is wight, Caaaarrrrd Gaaaames...

Yusei Fudo:
You're serious?

Paradox:
Yes, vewwwwwwy

Yusei Fudo:
How?

Paradox:
What?

Yusei Fudo:
How did card games destroy the world?

Paradox:
Well, I was not actually there. But I heard that somebody pwayed a card game. And then boom! End of the world. It totally happened. Just like I said. Just card game - Boom! Evewyone dead.

Jaden Yuki:
Dang son! That is one awesome motorbike you have...

Yusei Fudo:
You're not riding it.

Jaden Yuki:
Worth a shot.

Yusei Fudo:
Why did he even take your card in the first place?

Yusei Fudo:
Probably to humiliate me in front of my girlfriend.

Aki Izayoi:
Oh, don't be silly, Yusei! You know I'd never be embarrassed...

Yusei Fudo:
For the last time, I'm dating a motorcycle!

Aki Izayoi:
But why date a motorcycle when you could have me?

Yusei Fudo:
Tell her, Jack.

Jack Atlas:
Girls are smelly!

Yusei Fudo:
He's right. They are.

Jack Atlas:
Yusei! Whip out your junk!

Yusei Fudo:
What?

Jack Atlas:
Warrior! Your junk warrior!

Jack Atlas:
[a few seconds later] Good! Now whip out your junk and wave it at him!

Yusei Fudo:
What?

Jack Atlas:
Warrior!

Yami Yugi:
Now Yusei, I should point out that this card game is not going to take place on a motorcycle. I hope you understand that. I don't want you to try to- ride on your duel disk or something. We're just going to be standing firmly on the ground...

Yusei Fudo:
I know how to duel.

Yami Yugi:
Well, okay then.

[repeated line]

Yusei Fudo:
I totally won that duel back there.

Jaden Yuki:
Can I ride your bike?

Yusei Fudo:
I already told you, no!

Jaden Yuki:
Oh come on, it'll be fun!

Yusei Fudo:
I'll let you ride my bike if you can tell me one thing.

Jaden Yuki:
Sure, ask away.

Yusei Fudo:
Why are we in Venice?

Jaden Yuki:
[after a pause] F**k it... you win!

Yusei Fudo:
Always do...

Maximillion Pegasus:
[singing] Welcome all you foolish nerds. To the gayest spectacle in the world! I'm making a cameo in this movie. I look much more fabulous in 3D!

Yami Yugi:
Huh... I think we may have just killed a man...

Yusei Fudo:
If anyone asks, Jaden did it.

Jaden Yuki:
Yeah- wait, what?

Yusei Fudo:
You can be my wingman anytime, Yugi.

Yami Yugi:
No Yusei, you can be mine. [romantic saxophone music starts playing]

Yusei Fudo:
No Homo, right?

Yami Yugi:
ALL OF THE HOMO!

Yami Yugi:
Wait! I seem to have stopped caring!

Dark Magician Girl:
Hey, Dark Magician, how come we can talk in this movie?

Dark Magician:
A wizard did it.

Jack Atlas:
That guy stole your Stardust Dragon card! What a dick! I mean I know I did that in season one, but... he's a dick!

Lyman Banner:
I've never felt so Asian!

Jaden Yuki:
Check it out, dawgs! My Neos card came back! It must be because we went back in time!

Yusei Fudo:
That is not how time travel works.

Jaden Yuki:
Well how else do you explain it?

Yusei Fudo:
Obviously this movie has its head up its own anus.

Yugi Moto:
Well that answers pretty much every question I had.

Jaden Yuki:
Oh my God!

Yusei Fudo:
Is that woman doing what I think she's doing?

Jaden Yuki:
I forgot I bookmarked "2 Dark Magician Girls, 1 Pot of Greed".

Paradox:
Oh pwease! You may be the King of Games in your timeline but where I come from Duel Monsters have evolve far beyond your understanding. Compared to me you are just a learner.

Yami Yugi:
That may be the case in your timeline, Paradox. But then we're not in your timeline, are we?

Paradox:
Um...

Yami Yugi:
And where I come from Duel Monsters is still a broken, exploitable mess of a game. And I'm about to exploit the hell out of it!

Paradox:
I am here for the one who destwoyed the futuwe.

Jaden Yuki:
Look there must be some kind of mistake. I'm Jaden Yuki.

Paradox:
Yes that is wight.

Jaden Yuki:
But I'm harmless! I couldn't destroy anything!

Paradox:
Cowwection! I think that you'll find that you destwoyed Yu-Gi-Oh's cwedibility!

Yugi Moto:
That bastard! I can't forgive him. Not after he sent my grandpa to the Shadow Realm.

Yusei Fudo:
The what realm?

Yugi Moto:
You know. The Shadow Realm. The big purpley cloudy place that you go to when something really bad happens to you.

Jaden Yuki:
I think you're talking about Hell.

Yugi Moto:
No, it's the Shadow Realm. You know whenever people fall from a really tall building... or... they get stabbed in the chest, they go straight to the Shadow Realm. What? You guys don't have the Shadow Realm in the future?

Yusei Fudo:
I don't think that's a real thing.

Yugi Moto:
So wait. Is my Grandpa... really dead?

Jaden Yuki:
'Fraid so, broseph.

Yugi Moto:
I thought this was supposed to be a kid's movie!

Jaden Yuki:
My name's Jaden Yuki, and I'm absolutely flawless.

Yusei Fudo:
Stop being happy.

Jaden Yuki:
Ain't no one in the world as fly as me.

Yusei Fudo:
I'm serious. Stop it.

Jaden Yuki:
B*tches line up just to get a glimpse at my sweet moves.

Yusei Fudo:
I'm going to tear the happy right out of your soul.

Jaden Yuki:
Come on homie, don't be a playa hater.

Yusei Fudo:
I'm not a player hater. I just hate you.

Jaden Yuki:
I go to a kickass school that teaches us how to play trading cards! We get to sleep on warm comfortable beds and get served food whenever we want... awww it's a good life!

Yusei Fudo:
Well, just look at all the f**ks I give!